My Ex Girlfriend is getting married.

[THX]

I'm writing this because I need to get my thoughts out. It may let some girls know that their ex's may be more sorry than they will ever know, and perhaps other guys who have fallen victim to their own weakness will know they have company.

I found out tonight that my ex girlfriend is getting married. It feels like a tragedy. One of my own making.

I messed up. I was happy with her and I dumped her because I wasn't confident in myself. I was afraid she just liked me because I was the best that she could get. Inside fearing that she would always admire more physicaly attrarcive, and more socially adept men. Convinced I would always be some cosilation prize to her.

As stupid as it sounds I always believed I would get her back. I planned to go out and develope my social skills. Hit the gym and become the most ideal physical specimin I was capable of. I felt as though I would gain the validation of several other women thus chipping away the belief that I am inferior through the endorsment of the worthyness judging elite. I daydreamed about meeting her out somewhere by chance and her being blown away at how much I had changed for the better. Winking behind my back as we walked off into the sunset knowing I didn't have to look behind my back for the rest of my life.

I haven't done any of those things. In truth I am worse now. Fat, 3 years older and generally miserable.

Some smarter guy is taking her to the alter. A guy not so wrapped up in his insecurities that he can't see what is right in front of him.

As ironic as it may sound I hope I don't get over this any time soon. Falling back into a comfort zone with child like behavior. Wake up calls are not something I tend to pay attention to for long. I hope this will be the cry to grow up that I will finally listen to.

I traded in happiness with an amazing girl for nothing because I didn't believe it could last. She saw a man and I saw a boy. I got rid of her before she could get rid of me...Wow...Bravo...Brilliant.

So to her I say, "Que the wedding bells my dear. I hope you are; and will remain happy. I'm sure you are. I'm miserable. They say life's not fair, but in this case we both got what we deserve."

[HeartIsAching]

I'll bet he can spell, too.

[pcmaster]

You like to suffer and you like to think that you dont deserve good things. Im familiar with you situation cause 4 years ago I ended up without girlfriend too. Only diference i actually hit the gym and become more sociable. That gave me more friends and girls attention that I can handle. At the same time it was ex who became fat and unatractive. So it was easy to get over her. Now it seems like your life been on standbay last 3 years. And you should definetly do something about it. Going to gym and socialize was a good idea and I think it could give you new respect for yourself, more courage and desire to live. While you may go to the gym and come back the same as you were its still a huge thing that you did something for yourself and didnt go back to escapism. That alone will give you nessesary confidence.

[michelle23]

This is classic low self-esteem. The thing that stood out to me the most was "validation from several other girls". I think at the time you thought you could do better and lived to regret it. I don't believe you really wanted to do that to impress her. Most women are not impressed by that and she probably thought you dumped her just so you could bang other girls. You just thought doing that would make you feel like more of a man but instead you feel like a little boy.

I wonder why you needed that validation from others-when you had it from an amazing girl right in front of you. You took her for granted.

I think you should get some counselling so you can boost your confidence, forgive yourself, meet someone new and dont make the same mistake again. The grass isnt always greener.

[smackie9]

I think you are just being a sore loser because SHE was able to move on from you and find someone else to marry her. Your ego is crushed and now you come up with these excuses. I don't believe you broke up with her because you thought you weren't man enough, you broke up with her because she was losing interest in you or things were going down hill. The possible trigger is that she started chatting with other guys.....so you just beat her to the punch. So to prove to her you were better than that, you planned on showing her up by working out and possibly get other girls, but things didn't go as planned. So now here you are, and there she is getting married. I don't think it was a lost opportunity, but just all consuming bitterness. You really need to let this go if you want to release yourself from this misery. It's just that simple.

[Ann S]

" I was happy with her and I dumped her because I wasn't confident in myself. I was afraid she just liked me because I was the best that she could get. Inside fearing that she would always admire more physicaly attrarcive, and more socially adept men. Convinced I would always be some cosilation prize to her." Boy, can YOU make up stories that put YOU down.
Look at what you did? You got out of a relationship based on false premises.

"As stupid as it sounds I always believed I would get her back." Another made up story. Why did you believe this???? because you weren't confident in yourself? Afraid you were a consolation prize????? This doesn't make any sense, which gives me a sense of how you think.......

"I planned to go out and develop my social skills. Hit the gym and become the most ideal physical specimin I was capable of" Isn't it interesting that we always, "PLAN" but don't take the action? What do you think is behind this for you? You sound like a person I call a, "professional victim," wherein things happen to you and you take no responsibility for them.....
Do you smoke weed? Just a sense I'm getting....it is a drug which tends to help people procrastinate and is called the, "drug of dreamers."

I say - get your sad self up off the sofa of self pity, put your body in a trainer's hands, start eating right, quit the drugs, and get some therapy! Nothing changes until something changes.

And OMT - If you get validated by looking for validation from outside yourself, you are signing up for lots of disappointment in your life! Ann

[pcmaster]

Cmon people guy deserves some respect - hes ex is getting married. Gratz dude that you didnt waste any more of her time so she could find her real man. You did a good job however by working as the next step to her happines. If she wouldnt find you she might never be there where she is now. Aswell as you were her step, she was your next step to happines its just she saw it faster than you and picked herself up(while you sliped down) to be happy.

[Kromat83]

THX, learn from this and move on.
Set personal goals for yourself and love on.
I achieved a bunch of mine by just believing in myself and not giving up.
Two of my achievements was losing 40 pounds and finally having the balls to have a relationship and just go with the flow.
If you don't have the confidence in most situations, you should not be trying them.

[Ann S]

LOLOL! Ann to HearIsAching!

[Paul07]

TXH, I got over my ex-es and I admit it was hard work, so I'm not going to have a go at you for you feeling low.
Many people would be at least bothered by the situation of their ex getting married or would have been at a different time in their lives.
If the r/ship caused you more fears than comfort, smth wasn't right, you, her, the timing, but it wasn't meant to be.
Set realistic goals for yourself and go step by step.
Cheer up & good luck.

[THX]

Thank you for the feed back everyone. I think this is one of those bad, but good for me situations. I learned a lot of things NOT to do with this girl. Things future girls wont have to deal with. I'm looking at the situation a lot differently from the first night I wrote the lead off post. I don't believe in a soul mate so it's not like it's over for me. I guess I just feel guilty and wanted the chance to make it up to her. Also because we had so much fun togather, I wonder what could have been if I could have stopped obsessing about being better, and just enjoyed our time togather.If it didn't work out at least I would have known that I gave her my best, instead of abandoning her. I'm thankful that the 2nd to last time I saw her I got the oppertunity to appologize. It will help me to let go, not having it forever unsaid.

I think the best thing is now I might actually be able to move on. This is the definative nail in my delusion that we will get a 2nd shot.

It's time for me to get my life back togather and rolling in a posative direction and do things right with the next one.

[michelle23]

OP hit the gym, excercize, get fit and healthy, get a few counselling sessions, puut your heart and soul into work or study. stop feeling sorry for yourself, boost your self esteem and learn to love yourself.

put the past in the past and when your ready you can get back out there and meet the woman your going to marry.

everything happens for a reason and you and her were not meant to be.

take control of your life and make some positive changes. you cant stay in this it of regrets forever so its time now to get over it

[smackie9]

Look at it this way....maybe the universe has other plans for you to meet a woman that doesn't make you feel insecure but whole and complete......a true soul mate .