*Epic tale ahead* Convinced that she Cheated, now I'm a mess

[broseidon1225]

So to make this story as brief as possible I'm going to try to give the most precise delivery of the details.

Girl I'm dating is 27 and I'm 22, only took me one night to get in her pants (not ****) and after a month of messing around we started dating.
She has serious self esteem issues with her body image, especially after she had a kid leaving her with stretch marks and deflated looking boobs.
I had some erection issues early on in the relationship and couldn't give her a good ****. She blamed it on herself when in reality it was just that I was coming off a 2 month drug binge and my junk suffered. She felt about as shitty as possible cause she thought I didn't find her attractive enough to get it up, especially cause she had heard about other girls I had been with and how those times went off with no problem.
1 month into the relationship she goes to a destination wedding in the carribean for a week. Before she left we still had not had sucessful sex and she told me she "didn't want to even try anymore". So I was nervous as hell but she claimed I had nothing to worry about and that she loved me for who I was and the sex wasn't important.

As soon as she arrives there she goes clubbing every night and get's drunk each time.

One day she calls me and out of nowhere brings up how she was wingmaning her cousin who wanted to get with a guy but needed someone to talk to his friend. She described the guy (Malcolm) she was talking to as very persistent and constantly saying things like "what happens here stays here" and "I don't care that you have a BF". She told me they danced a little bit and talked most of the night...When I asked her about what happened she told me nothing happened but she wanted me to know just because. She started of the conversation by saying "I feel like I have to tell you...".

I found this very odd because I had been clubbing while she was gone and even though I danced with girls I never thought about them twice so I never felt like I needed to bring it up. She brought it up clearly to get some guilt off her chest, and why would she even tell me about some guy she was talking to if NOTHING HAPPENED? I don't tell her about every girl I talk to, nor does she ever bring up things like that with me.

So she comes back from the islands and the second day she is back she RANDOMLY brings up how Malcolm had called her. Basically it went like this
"Hey I feel like I should tell you, but that guy malcolm called me to offer his condolences (someone died). I don't know how he got my number but I just wanted you to know"

So this was sending off red flags in my head like crazy cause she brought it up again out of NOWHERE. At this point I was convinced something had happened and the gut feeling I had initially was so strong it was almost nauseating. She was like a boiling pot trying to let off little bits of steam at a time.

One morning I woke up early and being a little suspicious I looked at her phone and saw some texts from the Malcolm guy. The texts that stood out went as such.

Malcolm: Hey why did you leave, I wasn't finished with you
Her: Wow *blushing*

Malcolm: Why did you leave so early?
Her: Guilty conscience...

Malcolm: You know they all think we did it (referring to the wedding party)
Her: Ya they have been calling us asian****ers (malcolms asian) all day...I told my cousin that we didnt.


So I woke her up by throwing the phone in her face and calling her an asian****er while I stormed out.

Basically when she started telling me about it again the story changed from. "We all went home nothing happened"

To

"My cousin wanted to go back to the Hotel with his friend so I wasn't going to let her go alone so I went with them. Her and the other guy went into their room and me and malcolm went into his bedroom. He started playfighting with me and then tried kissing me, He kissed me for a second before I pushed him off and left." After talking more about it she added "Seriously there wasn't even tongue involved"

Keep in mind this all happened while she was drunk as hell

Now that would be a nice story of defending your relationship but why the **** would she
A. Respond the way she did to the texts
B. Lie to me in the first place and say nothing happened when something did
C. Try to convince me that her drunk ass didn't use any tongue to downplay it.

Now all the guilt made perfect sense, she was obviously lying the whole time to me and couldn't keep it completely in. Now I'm wondering just how much she's still holding back from me. Not to mention

She said she left on her own and asked her cousin if she was ok before she left the hotel room
Her cousin told me that they left together
Her cousin also told me a girl name Julie ****ed the guy Malcolm later
I read in the texts how Malcolm could hear Julie being ****ed by the other guy


She tried everything she could to convince me nothing happened outside of that one kiss, I still don't believe her at all.

I think she did more than kiss that guy, also her body language was very shaky when she was telling me about it. She described the room in pretty great detail before talking about the bedroom...I just don't believe her at all...it's so hard to with everything unfolding the way it did.

She still says it was only a kiss, but how the hell can I believe her after she acted SO GUILTY about it. A kiss doesn't seem to justify that amount of guilt.

I don't know what to do, she won't admit she did anything more than a kiss but I can't shake this severe anger I have towards her cause I just don't believe her. My gut points to everything past kissing, I just have the worst feeling about it and it makes me so upset.

I want her to admit what she did but she maintains her innocence, will she ever tell me what really happened? What do you think am I justified in my thinking or not?

It was too early in the relationship to say the trust was well established so It's hard for me to say I can believe anything she says. But do you think she's possibly being honest, even the slightest chance?

[Valixy]

I don't think she slept with him. She was probably attracted to him and was tempted but not strongly enough to actually do it or go very far with him. Maybe a little bit more than an innocent kiss happened between them but not much more.
You two should decide if you are exclusive and set some boundaries from now on probably. She should also stop texting him.

[basilandthyme]

I don't think she slept with him either. And for what it's worth, I've read posters here who are tied in knots over their guilt about a kiss.

However, after your blowup...calling her names, throwing her phone and storming out....not to mention your current "severe anger" I sure hope she stays away from you for her own safety.

At any rate, if you don't believe her, then dump her....unless she dumps you first.

[michelle23]

If you dont believe her and are convinced something happened then why dont you just dump her?

You could ring him and get his side of the story. Just say you need to know the truth and youd appreciate it if he tells you everything.

Other than that-do a lie detector.

If you dont trust her-you should not be together