Girlfriend broke it off, I convinced her to try again and now she resents me for it.

[Crowley]

Hello all. Just wanted to start off by saying I know I'm not innocent here. But I do not feel I am completely to blame. My goal is to make an active solution with your help. Now for the story:

My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit over 6 months. Things seem to have been going fine, we had alot of intimacy, alot of laughs, smiles, affection and good times. We broke up after the first month because she said she felt guilty for telling me she loved me when she didn't mean it. We stayed friends and a week later she had a change of heart and took me back (without any convincing or pleading from me.)
She has on a few occasions attempted to tell me she loved me since then, usually stopping and saying "It wouldn't be special to say it now" or something. She did however say it indirectly while hugging me saying "I love my honey" and when asked she said she wasn't saying again. I figured it was just an issue of not wanting to be mushy cause she is like that at times.

Anyway here and there there were signs of her unhappiness, examples beqing on Facebook saying she doesn't know why she couldn't find a good guy. I treat her with nothing but respect, we barely fight, I take care of her and she has admitted to consider herself lucky to have a boyfriend like me so I was confused. I didn't want to tell her I check her facIbook so I did not bring up this issue.

At the end of June she comes and spends a week with me, and during this time everything is wonderful. She even says to me "at first things started off too fast and I was scared, but they are perfect the way things are." At the end of that week we took a little vacation with her sister and friend. While there though... she changed completely. She was basically unhappy from the start, she pushed me away often, barely treated me like her boyfriend and became upset with me on numerous occasions. They left me at a night club while I was in the bathroom because I felt sick, I was upset but I quickly got over it and she said it was unforgivable that I was mad at her. She then left us to go meet some other guy (who she said she had been meaning to meet) alone at his hotel room... she was only gone for 15 but still.

Once we got back she started acting like my girlfriend again... but there was a definite distance. She posted on her fb again that she didn't get why she couldn't find a good guy, she wants an asian bf and has always written that whenever she complains about what she wants, and when someone asked her if she Was in a relationship she said she was but that our relationship was complicated and wasn't taking the "distance" well. I could tell something bad was coming.

Sure enough I see her on the weekend (I drive 2 hours to see her and was going to move there cause I wanted to be there with her) and she gets upset and breaks up with me. Says she hasn't been happy for some time, that the chemistry we had is just suddenly gone, says what I did during our vacation was what made her decide, and that I guilt trip her too much. I brought up that she never tells me anything that is bothering her and she said "I was hoping if I didn't say anything things would just fix themselves or that you would change on your own" I told her relationships need communication etc. She said she didn't like talking about what bothers her and that the BF should just know, etc.

Anyhow over the last week I have tried discussing the problems with her and we seemed to make progress. She said I don't give her enough freedom and that I am too protective and possessive. I asked her how do I not give her freedom when I only see her on weekends, she said we DONT have to be chained at the hip once we do see eachother. We discussed other things and she was talking to me like she used to finally. She eventually agreed to keep trying with the clause that I fix what she mentioned. And I asked her if she would tell me when I do something she didn't like and she said she would. So basically try again with better communication like a relationship needs.

Today she gets pissed off by her parents and blows up on me saying that all everyone does is selfishly disregarded her feelings and do what they want. This includes me. I apologized and asked her if she needed space. She said no and just continued ranting. I said I was sorry again and she told me I wasn't because I wouldn't repeat the nonsense if I was. I asked what she meant and she said she wouldn't point it out. I said she promised yesterday to do so and she said she didn't care. She said I should catch it on my own. So I told her I felt she thought I pressured her into staying with me and she said I should word it however I have to in my thick head. I told her I wasn't trying to play the victim and she said whatever you say. I left the conversation at that and haven't texted her since...

Basically my goal was to reason with her that we could work out our problems by actually talking about them. But apparently she feels pressured/guilted into it. I just need to know how to handle the situation.... any help or ideas would be appreciated.

[Superfantastich]

Do you even want to be with this girl?
She sounds like a bloody idiot, no offense. Looks like she thinks she can control you by giving YOU the guilt trips which are totally untrue. I say you should find someone who actually loves and has at least an ounce of respect for you, leave her to find someone else to put up with her immature games.
Good luck

[Crowley]

Thank you for the reply.
I do want to be with her. I love her, I have been happier with her in 6 months then I ever was with my most recent ex who I was with for 5 years. I really don't want to lose her :/

[pisces25]

She sounds extremely selfish and hard-work.

What exactly is it you love about her?

She is treating you like shit and you are allowing it.

[Crowley]

Well, what I love about her is when she is in a normal mood, she treats me wonderfully, is very sweet and caring, funny, enjoys simple things in life, isn't afraid to go outside and get dirty. She's thoughtful and while she didn't have a job, she would find ways to surprise me with sentimental presents, like drawings and finding me pretty seashells.

She very much so is a unique girl, and I've never seen anyone like her.

Just that when stress builds on her she completely changes. She just started working and her car broke down which is something I took into consideration. Felt stress may be a contributing factor to her deciding to end it, which is one of the main reasons I tried convincing her to keep it up.

[OmnicronPercei8]

She then left us to go meet some other guy (who she said she had been meaning to meet) alone at his hotel room... she was only gone for 15 but still.

What? Hell naw! I think I would have ended it there.

Curious about something. Do you find that she is hyper-sensitive and blows up on you over small silly things?

[VincenzoG91]

I agree with above posts that she sounds very selfish and controlling. Her complaint above you being possessive sounds off-target. I think she really wants to go on a break to see if she can find someone better. Not because there is actually anything wrong with you (I think that you seem normal and well-adjusted), but because she sounds like a perfectionist who will never let herself be happy for long. She wants perfection, and nobody is perfect.

In my opinion, it takes several months to really get to know somebody, and you have only just arrived at that point. If you let yourself see her clearly, you will realize that she isn't worth the trouble. And ditching you in public while you're sick is just plain mean and selfish, because it shows that she is more worried about her pleasure than your health. Do yourself a serious favor and let go of her.

[Crowley]

Omnicron, she does blow up over little things occasionally. In fact, the day she broke up with me it all started with my wearing a pair of shoes that matched hers. She told me to wear my sandals and I asked her if she didn't wanna match me or something. She got quite and upset while I put on my shoes. Even her sister was asking wtf I did. Apparently I guilt tripped her by asking if she didn't want to match.

Vincenzo that was one of my worries as well, that she wants to try finding something better cause I was never good enough for jot being an Asian. Also she claims the reason she left the nightclub is because she thought I said I was going back to the hotel cause I was sick. Part of me thinks that she actually took the opportunity to leave specifically so she could go meet that guy without a confrontation about it. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt but it's hard. I don't see how motioning towards the bathroom Would indicate exit. But still... guess she could have mistook me.

Also I just wanted to note... about 5 months into our relationship in May she wrote this huge article about how she was single and couldn't find a good asian guy. Even though we were together for that long. Even when someone asked her "I thought you had a boyfriend" she replied that "maybe imaginary" ... didn't know if that info would help. Basically I didn't want to confront her about it cause again she would get pissed if I mentioned I checked her face book, but you kind of have to when your girlfriend doesn't ever tell you what she's thinking.

Anyway, I waited till she popped the FB open in front of me to ask her why she was listed single, she said she didn't know how to change it... anyhow she finally posted she was in a relationship at the beginning of June. Even started talking about me on it with her girlfriends. I was cool with that. Not even 2 minutes after she dumped me she changed it back to single.

Also she refuses to let us take pictures together usually, and will not let me have ANY of the pictures we already have taken together. She even told me as a clause to her taking me back that she didn't want me hounding her about pictures of us... makes me feel like she just doesn't want pics of us existing cause she doesn't want anyone to know she dated me =/

[OmnicronPercei8]

That is crappy. Walk away and be much happier. My ex and I maintained a somewhat secret relationship due to us working together with her ex-fiance (who is a manager) who we both knew would make our lives increasingly difficulty. She never changed her status and even blocked the ability of others to post on her wall because she became facebook friends with my friends and family and didn't want them to get the secret out. I was ok with all of that because her ex is a dick and I knew he would try stuff to get me fired. She didn't want any of her good friends to really know because she thought they would all try to talk her out of the relationship since we got together immediately after she broke it off with her ex. While I met her mother once, she downplayed how strong our relationship was to her calling me her "man friend". The point of all that is, it's was a major disservice to our relationship to keep it secret. Keeping our love contained within the four walls of each others home was a major contributing factor to why it didn't work between us. You don't want to be in the background in this relationship with this girl, you want to be who she is bragging to her friends about.

I don't understand what her deal is with the picture thing unless she was trying to maintain the illusion to everyone else that she wasn't involved with someone and is afraid that you would post something? It doesn't make much sense.

So another question, when you guys are on good terms is she telling you things like how amazing you are and you're the only one? And then completely devalue you when you get into it over petty squabbles?

[Crowley]

As for the pictures, she claims it's cause she looks ugly in them. However, she will post the VERY next picture in the same set if it isn't featuring me. We all posed at the end of our vacation seperately with her, her sister and her, her friend and her, and then her and I. My pictures were the only ones she wouldn't post.

About when we are on good terms, as I posted before she has told me things are perfect with us, she has told her mother I'm her potential son in law, she even asked me to move to Canada with her. She used to call me sexy and other names but all the nice names slowly stopped. As far as squabble... we literally DO NOT squabble. We have only ever had an unpleasant conversation when she has wanted to break up, otherwise we never fight. The week on our vacation was literally the first time aside from the original break up.

[Mathias]

She's not a good person, dude.

[Superfantastich]

You say you love her yet every other post is negative after negative. I think you know in your heart she isn't good for you, she sounds quite horrible and I hope you find someone better

[VincenzoG91]

Let me guess... she's beautiful. Now close your eyes, and you will realize that she is ugly on the inside, where it counts. This relationship isn't going to work out. Do yourself a favor and leave now with your head held high. If you wait until she cheats or dumps you, you're going to feel worse, even though you deserve better.

[Wakeup]

She's a spoiled, entitlement princess and you're the dreaded "nice guy' that puts up with her shit and apologizes to her when you've done nothing wrong. She sounds horrible, she doesn't value you in the least and as soon as she finds someone that has the balls to tell her "No" and doesn't allow her princess ways, you will be history. Take back your personal power and tell her you're done and then never speak to her again. After you've done that, read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. If you know what ails you, you'll be able to overcome your insecurity and inability to assess when you're not being valued or loved.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I thought the same thing Vincenzo did. The only reason you want to be with her so badly is because she's hot, and probably the only hot girl you've nailed, so you don't want to give it up. You seem like a total lame, devoid of balls. I don't mean to be so harsh, but it's pretty clear that you just let this girl walk on you because she's good looking.

Matching shoes?? Come on. People don't respect those that worship them.