Is this considered rude behavior or am I over-reacting?

[adorkableme]

Hi all. First off, I want to let you know I am probably being naive with relationships as I have not had a lot of experience but I wish to know if this is common that men say these things and I am over-reacting or if I am on the right track when I feel he is being very rude, etc.
And of course, I am going to keep this as anonymous as possible.

Thanks in advance for your input.

I have met this guy, around same age as me. We struck up a conversation right away as we share similar interests. I thought, ok, well, I'll give it a shot and so we went on a few dates. Nothing special - movies, dinner, the usual. I didn't sleep with him straight away-but after seeing each other, talking, texting, etc., we finally did. OK, no biggie.

That's the gist of it thus far.

Well, I have noticed lately (we've been going out for about 8 months now - though not 'officially' declared as bf/gf status) that when we talk he is often boastful, speaks of past girlfriends, such as "when so-and-so and I were dating...." or "my last girlfriend, a couple years ago..." (at this point I have lost count of how many alleged 'girlfriends he has had)

or he will say things like, "I don't know what they would do without me at work" or "I run circles around others when I am at work regarding computer knowledge"
Other things he has said to me, which are even more disturbing; One day he asked what I was up to and I told him and remarked that I was hungry and was thinking about going to get some fast food and a shake. (Mind you I am 5'4" and about 118 lbs) and he goes, "that's just your inner fatty trying to claw its way out"
He said it with a straight face. He as not joking around. Then he said to me, "well, I (meaning HIM) have gained weight, I can see my belly hanging over my belt, so does that make me less attractive to you"

Another instance he remarked that with his past relationships that he had some girls afraid to gain any weight because he said that he'd never be seen with someone who is fat or doesn't take care of themselves. And he laughed when he said that some past gf were afraid to even gain any weight.
He is constantly calling his co-workers 'lazy' or 'silly stupid people' and then when a co-worker abruptly quit work after being on maternity leave he said that he was glad she was gone and that people don't understand his stance on maternity leave - so I asked what IS his stance. His reply was that he feels it is the choice of the woman to have the child so either the woman should save up her time off or be able to be let go. It's not like cancer that just happens.

These are just a few comments that I can think of off top of my head that have perturbed me about him and I am now finding myself pulling back more and more - less contact with him because of what he has said.

And yes, for the record, I have called him out and questioned him on the things that he's said.

So am I being over-reactive to this or is just how some guys are?

I want to just cut it off and move on but I don't want to think I am being childish and over reacting either...need clarification, I guess.

Thanks.

**adorkableme

[searock]

He sounds like a jerk. I would have left at the "inner fatty" comment.

[jbruced]

Hi Lovely Lady,
I believe that you are right on about the feelings of inadequacy that the man you are seeing is having. I would encourage you to take a good look at him and determine if you are in love or not. What are his redeeming qualities that has you staying for 8 months and dealing with his adolescent views on life and women? Also it may be that he is intimidated by you and his present co-workers. This is a common condition for young minded men that need to boast to cover up their fear that others will discover that they really "are not all that".
You are correct in your assessment that the things he says are insensitive and rude, and yet there must be some quality that keeps you engaged with him.
If he is worth the continued investment in the relationship it may be suggested that he receive relationship coaching from a professional. Give him the chance to get a new perspective about women and himself.
It is obvious that you are a quality woman, and when a man is available out in the dating game is because he is a work in progress. Any decent man that has relationship skills has a choice of women from all ages and backgrounds. Keep it in mind that unattached men are available because they either do not want commitment or they have some "off-putting" tendencies that have run off good women like yourself.
Well I have shared enough about my take on your situation. Check your heart, is there love for him, if not it is just a pass time for you and you can spend your time in better ways.
JB

[TablesandChairs]

No, this is not just how guys are. This is what arrogant, insecure jerks are like. The same applies to women; if your female friend told you she 'ran rings' around people at work and that her past boyfriends were mortified of gaining weight as not to displease her - what would you think? Nice girl or bitch?

I dated a guy like this...it seemed he wanted to convince me he was amazingly confident by being arrogant...which did nothing but prove he had massive insecurities (which I found about later). Not that he would ever admit to them. Everyone was his inferior (according to him) and every ex girlfriend was a moron that he had wrapped around his finger.

Honestly, what matters most in a relationship is that you like the person, their personality and value-system. There's a lot about a person that can change/improve over time; for example, a messy person can become neat and a bad cook can learn to master a few dishes. But when it comes to things like arrogance...not so easy.

[michelle23]

look up narcissism. That is what he sounds like to me. A narcissistic asshole who thinks he is better than everyone else. he has a fat phobia and wants a trophy gf. Obviously nobody wants to be with someone who is overweight but you are perfectly fit and healthy and he gives you a hard time for eating junk food sometimes. Id dump him and run a mile.

He does sound very arrogant, rude, ignorant. Id hate to be his wife having a baby if he thinks women should not get any maternity leave. what a prick.

Hes probably a passive aggressive who talks himself up and puts others down. No emotional intelligence and just thinks the sun shines out of his own ass. Break up with him-you can do better.

btw its not normal to talk about exes so much either. Not many people do that unless they are asked a question about an ex.