Is this kind of flirting wrong in a relationship?

[sarahfort]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for opinions on the subject of flirting while in a relationship.

Personally if I'm serious about someone , I don't. I don't even really think about it - even if someone super hot walks by or chats with me, I am somehow always thinking of my boyfriend.

The issue I have been struggling with is that I have caught my SO a number of times. It has almost been a year since I last saw anything. So he did it shamelessly 5-6 times that I know of in a 2 1/2 year period, all being within the first year and a half.

1) When he first started dating im pretty sure he lied to me about somewhere he went with some buddies, as he added a random girl on fb, claiming he didnt know who she was, and then Proceeded to facebook msg her saying she was beautiful.

2) Inboxed his ex telling her how beautiful she looked in recent pictures

3) Messaged and had a full conversation with a girl 4 years younger than him about how if she was sexy and she even told him to quit flirting because he was in a relationship.

4) messaged a few old friends calling them `sexy` or beautiful

5) Last summer I read a message he wrote to someone he hasnt even met in person saying " hey sexy" and then they had a convo about how if he lived near her he'd marry her and how she was beautiful and SHE SAID "you have a girlfriend, behave".

I guess what I want to know is.... Is this acceptable? It REALLY bothers me, and most of the time I see these things without wanting to see them. Most of the time i wish i'd never saw it and read it. I didn't even bring up most of this with him because I wanted to give him a chance and see if he'd grow up a little and appreciate what he has with me. It has been since last august that he's flirted, that I know of anyways. We are both 23.

I am always worried about finding something out like this again - because I know my worth and I could not stay with him. Sometimes I get angry that I forgave the other stuff. I am an attractive girl and I woudlnt have a problem finding another guy . He treats me like a princess otherwise and loves me - so then what is the flirting all about? Does he not realize how hurtful it is???

Why do people in relationships feel the need to flirt and is it acceptable to you??

Opinions please!

[Wakeup]

If he hasn't done it after you told him you don't like it and the last time he did that was a year and a half ago, why are you still worrying about it? It's history now and he's changed. Let it go. (unless of course you see he's still doing it then he's not respecting you, you're not compatible and perhaps you should let him go and find one of those boys you wouldn't have any trouble getting????)

You have told him you don't like him doing it and you won't be with someone who does, right?

[sarahfort]

Would you have broken it off upon finding out? I kind of feel like not saying anything and letting him decide to change on his own was a good thing, but on the other hand I also didn't let him know I thought it was disrespectful so he may not think twice or feel badly about talking this way to another person.

I guess I'm old fashioned and loyal to a fault. Things are increasingly more serious and I don't like surprises.

[michelle23]

sarah-this was red flag behavior. Why would you stay with him after the first time he did this? I would run a mile. You keep saying you hope you don't find out anything else.. sooo would you prefer to have him sneaking around behind your back living a lie, thinking hes the perfect boyfriend when he really isn't?

You say you are not a doormat? Well I think you are love coz you saw what he is like 4-5 times in the first year of your relationship and chose to ignore it and just hoped that he will change. People like that rarely ever change.

You are not old fashioned because you are loyal. He crossed a line and you are well within your rights to be upset and break up with him over this even if it is a year and a half later. I bet if you checked his phone, FB, internet history-you would find a lot more.

Hes a cheat hun. He wouldn't be doing all that otherwise.

Btw unless hes completely retarded-he knows that this behavior is wrong and just does not care

[Wakeup]

Would you have broken it off upon finding out?

No, I would have talked to him about it, told him how I felt disrespected and then if he kept doing it, then I would have broken up with him because that kind of interaction often leads to more serious relationship boundary crossing activities. Disrespect, no one should tolerate.

I kind of feel like not saying anything and letting him decide to change on his own was a good thing, but on the other hand I also didn't let him know I thought it was disrespectful so he may not think twice or feel badly about talking this way to another person.

Exactly. Now, because you didn't tell him how it made you feel, he thinks his explaination is totally acceptable to you and he will likely keep doing it. Why would he stop his attention whoring activities if he thinks you think its peachy keen to keep at it? He's having his cake and eating it too.

I guess I'm old fashioned and loyal to a fault.

What has this got to do with anything that is currently happening in your relationship? Communciation is the key to keeping any relationship happy and without issue. Resolving things is what keeps two people bonded willingly.

Things are increasingly more serious and I don't like surprises.

Then you best communicate how you're really feeling insecure and angsty about what you found and are feeling about his extra-curricurlar, disrespectful activities and ascertain if he's still being flirtation with randoms on the internet or anywhere else for that matter. Hopefully he'll reassure you and prove to you that you're the only female he needs attenton from now. Remember, you haven't found anything new for a year and a half so don't go jumping to conclusions that he's a cheater or chronic flirt for goodness sakes. Just have a chat and clear the air.