your thoughts please

[nathansmart]

I've been in a RL for maybe 4 years now and we've been married for almost a year, before we got married I was caught cheating. We got over that and me and wife agreed I was not allowed to chat to women or have women friends unless they were mutual friends of us both.

when i was caught cheating I lost all my female friends, I was told the only reason why a man can be friends with a girl is for 1 reason ( sex potential). And to be honest the girls I knew with all friends but yes there was a potential sex element there.

Now because of my wife's feelings I was told on a regular basis before we got married that if I was too have a stag nite there would be 1 rule which was no strippers.

MY wives friends arranged her hen night - they told me they were just going out for a quite meal. On the night I get a call from her saying thy've taken her to a strip club. My immediate reaction was immense jealousy and I didn't react well. However after 10 minutes I calmed down and sent a message which to her which said don't worry about it enjoy the nite but i also said I'd jokingly kill her mate when i get hold of her. now i called her mate a name regarding n the text message. Unforuntatly my wife got that particular mate to read the message to her. So her mate now hates me.
It ended up with me getting a right load of shit for calling her mate this name and ruining her hen night. Okay I defo shouldn't have called her mate that, but on the same hand it was a private message for my wife. This mate who was going to be my wife's bride of honour pulled out of the position as bride of honour and fell out with my wife until after the wedding. Please also bear un mind I was told not to have a stag nite after this as my wife couldn't take that she had a bad hen night and me enjoying a stag would upset her. I am still bitter about not having a stag but that life. Also I asked her mates about the hen night and they said she enjoyed it. Although she's told me she was cyring the whole nite

Now a year later I'm still not friends with this mate however my wife is now friends again. My wife goes and visits this mate and goes out drinking with her maybe once a month. She goes there drinking going out on the pub scene and comes back the next day.

I can totally trust my wife she would never cheat.

Here're wants happening. I never go out. The one night I have been out without her i.e with the lads I was told if any women come and chat to me I have to tell them to **** off.If Im with a group of lads and someones partner joins us I must leave the group/ tell her etc. do not talk to any women

now I never go out - my mrs goes out 1once a month. She's admits she talks to men. ( friendly ). She's tells me men do flirt with her and she won't tell them to **** off unless they are sleezy and horrible, but instead thanks them for the compliment and talks to them and has a laugh. Bear in mind this is what she tells me.

Now I personally feel bad because I never go out and if I do I can't speak to any women, She goes out all the time and talks to men and I'm not even there.Also bean in mind that men wouldn't hit on her if I was there. I told her last nite this makes me jealous and i don't want her talking to men. ( really Im more pissed with 1 rule for me and a completely different rule for her). She then said 'I don't mind u talking to women, if I walk into a bar then I don't expect them to be all over you with their arms around u'. Now Im sorry but that too me is completely different to why she's been telling me up till yesterday. All of a sudden I can apparently talk to them as long as they are not literally all over me!!) I feel she tried changing this so she can continue talking to guys etc( which I'm sure involves flirting). I noticed she was in a mood yesterday after saying this. I said 'it's not a problem you not talking to me is it?' which she replied 'no'

Just wanted to know your thoughts on it all.

I feel Im at every right to demand the same rules she puts on me. I've only been out once this year alone and I was under strict instruction.She always tells her mates 'He won't even talk to women he's not allowed' etc

Ok Love to get some feedback.

[Valixy]

That's not way of starting a marriage. You need to learn to trust each other and decide for boundaries that you are both comfortable with. It may be hard work but it can't be harder than having the relationship you have at the moment with ridiculous boundaries that on top of everything only apply to one of you.

[michelle23]

you havnt expressed any remorse here for what you did. and i find it odd that you said "caught cheating" does that mean you think you can get away with it again? do you understand why she finds it hard to trust you? do you care that you hurt her?

you cant rebuild trust unless your both willing to put in the hard work and chane and its highly unlikely she will ever trust you properly again. she should not have married you. theres too many issues. i doubt your marriage will last.

you could give her a free pass to cheat so your even and she may stop holding it against you and you can finally understand hoe much it hurts.

[Wakeup]

didn't you post this somewhere else already?

[stev123]

OP you are cuckold, your women is insecure and doesn't trust you. tell her to chill out or good luck with the marriage.

[lalalita]

The fact that you cheated on her, and she has never done the same to you, will always give her the upper hand in everything concerning your actions.

[jbruced]

I can see your situation because I have been in relationship where I based my every move on tit-4-tat. Where I justified my moves by reacting to everything that she did. The double standard will always hold true in relationship. There are some things that each of you will that will not hold with either one of you. What I recommend is that you move forward with your life and develop friends that you see with her and without her. Do not put yourself in a place that you are always reacting to what the woman says. To be the man is to know that you want to be with your wife exclusive or not. Be clear in your mind how important your marriage is. There is no way that any woman can respect you if she can dictate to you what your movements can be. Either she trust you or she doesn't, there is nothing you can do to change this. If she is enjoying other men and their attention, she may not be ready for full time marriage. It is best to test her love now than wasting a lot of years in a no-trust relationship.
Be the man, and take care of your self by developing your life with and without the wife. Be well. jb

[nathansmart]

UPDATE - I told my mrseverything and how I felt - she has re-assured me that any men she talks too are only the ones she grew up with or the older folk - Im not jealous any more and am glad I confronted her about my concerns!