Lovely girl suddenly became cold and distant

[Supernaut]

So, almost an year ago I met this girl via my friend and we got along well. We chatted on facebook sometimes, but couple of months ago we suddenly started to talk much more and got to know each other a little bit. Then she invited me to her home (she lives 200km from me) and I went. It was the most wonderful time I've ever had. I stayed at her home for three nights. We really got along well and we wouldn't let each other go for the time I was there. We hugged, slept together, cuddled, held hands and talked about everything for the whole weekend. We met some of her friends and she openly held my hand and hugged me in front of them and introduced me to her mother and sisters. She told me alot of her really personal stuff, like breaking up with her long-time boyfriend an year ago which among other things drove her into major depression and even a suicide attempt. She told me how wonderful it was that I was there with her and that she likes me and I told her that I like her too. Of course, I was a little bit shy and silent sometimes because I was really nervous about meeting her, I knew she was a great girl before I even went to see her and I hadn't seen her for almost an year. She often asked me to tell stuff and sometimes I struggled to get a word out of my mouth. When I was about to leave, she grabbed me and hugged me tight for a long time and then I went home. Now this was a month ago.

After coming home I tried to talk to her on facebook the next day, but she wouldn't say much and ended the converstaion quickly. I tought she was being busy or something, but it's been the same every time I've tried to talk to her on facebook, send her a text message or call her. She really says nothing and she's really cold and distant. This continued for two weeks, then it just started to bug me so much that I asked her what does she think about me. She then told me she's going to sleep and doesn't know how to answer. Well then couple of days later she tells me that "You're really nice." Then after that she says "I'm really bad at answering to this." I told her it's alright and that I like her too. We didn't talk for a week after that, but then I texted her just to ask how she's doing. She texts me back briefly and I text her back and then she doesn't answer me anymore. Now I haven't even tried to talk to her for a week because it feels ****ing impossible. She hasn't contacted me either. I really like her alot, I've never had feelings this strong for a girl. Now I'm just sitting here and wondering what the hell is going on. Why won't she talk to me and why is she so distant? It seems like she doesn't even care anymore and all this is just tearing my mind apart. What did I do wrong? Please help me.

[michelle23]

it sounds like she has issues deeper than you can understand. shes prob afraid of getting hurt again. you really dont wana get involved with someone who attempted suicide over a breakup. i wouldnt anyway-not unless i was positive that she would never do that again.

the message shes sending is loud and clear. shes not interested but for some reason wont just say it.

you need to let it go, cut contact and focus on moving on.

dont waste so much time on anyone again. a few weeks texting, go on a date, see if theres a spark. if yes go on another date, if not day goodbye. etc a year chatting is too much time wasting

[Supernaut]

it sounds like she has issues deeper than you can understand. shes prob afraid of getting hurt again. you really dont wana get involved with someone who attempted suicide over a breakup. i wouldnt anyway-not unless i was positive that she would never do that again.

the message shes sending is loud and clear. shes not interested but for some reason wont just say it.

you need to let it go, cut contact and focus on moving on.

dont waste so much time on anyone again. a few weeks texting, go on a date, see if theres a spark. if yes go on another date, if not day goodbye. etc a year chatting is too much time wasting

It wasn't just because of the break-up, there were also many other things involved. It was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. And yes, I know I would still be taking a risk.
I'm just wondering how she could lose interest so quickly and why? It seemed just perfect when I was with her. And why the **** won't she just say it? I even asked her straigth what does she think about me and she lied to me. Doesn't she understand that she's hurting me much more by keeping me in uncertainty? What if I move on and find out that she actually wanted to be with me after all? I've already set my mind so that she propably isn't interested to keep myself from getting hurt more, but I'm just wondering.

I don't like being a guy who uses so much time to a person I think I like and who gets attached so quickly and strongly, but that's the way I am. Another lesson learned once again I guess.

Thanks for the answer. I would like to hear others' opinions too though.

[SingleBilingual]

This is why I make sure that I know someone well enough before I get attached to her. It's better to think of her as a distant friend if she has extreme issues.

I think your gf doesn't trust you because you live far away. So she is breaking away. She thinks you'll dump her for another woman. Try to find a way to make her trust you. Either that or she does have major issues.

If I had a suicidal gf, then I'd try to help her recover from her depression. However, experience has told me that I must know and understand the woman first before I become attached to her and try to help her emotionally. Otherwise, she will bring me down with her. My ex-gf told me that she dumped a guy the moment she lost interest in him. That was just a few days before I started to date her. I heard from someone who knows her that there were other guys too. I should've taken that as a warning. I thought I'd be different and that I'd be able to change her.

The same goes for the women. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy so I tend to talk from a guy's perspective.

[Supernaut]

This is why I make sure that I know someone well enough before I get attached to her. It's better to think of her as a distant friend if she has extreme issues.

I think your gf doesn't trust you because you live far away. So she is breaking away. She thinks you'll dump her for another woman. Try to find a way to make her trust you. Either that or she does have major issues.

I would love nothing more than to make her trust me, but how? I've done everything to make her feel comfortable, but she doesn't seem no care.

[TLe]

I would love nothing more than to make her trust me, but how? I've done everything to make her feel comfortable, but she doesn't seem no care.

Then you must tell her about your thoughts and that you want it to work out if she likes you as much. I would send a letter (email) for the last try if text and call are not reachable. And move on if you still dont get the answer, because at least you tried your best.

[SingleBilingual]

I agree with TLe. And tell her that you'll visit her again.

Also, have your girlfriend visit your place if she agrees to. It'll make her feel more personal and secure about you and that you're less likely to disappear.
One of the best ways to gain one's trust is to show that you trust that person. Show her that you trust her with your location. Here's an unusual suggestion: try leaving one of your belongings (as hostage) at her home. Not only does it show that you trust her, it shows that you'll visit her again. Pants are the best because it will give out your scent for a long time. Seeing and smelling it will remind her of you. Even if she washes it, she'll associate the smell of your pants with her memories of you. So bring extra clothes such as your pants when you visit her. Tell her that you can get it back when you visit her again. It'll make her feel as if you live with her.

[bamix]

There are lot of reasons for the girl who gets cold and distant.

1. She maybe have a little problem that needs to be solve first
2. she already has someone in her heart or she already has a new boyfriend
3. you made her offended that you didnt know.

[Supernaut]

Thanks for the answers. I've succeeded to clear my mind a little bit.
Right before I went home after visiting her I asked when can I come again. Also I've asked her to come here couple of times even before I went to see her and she said that she would come when it's summer, but I don't know about that anymore because it's obiviously summer already. I've told her that she can come here whenever she wants. I've told her that I miss her.
I would like to ask her to honestly tell what she is thinking, but then again I don't want to seem desperate, even though I am. It would ease everything so much if I knew what is going on, even if the truth hurt me.
This is all so weird, becuase she wasn't like this at all when I was with her and even when I was about to leave. She even asked me if I like babies and right after that told me that she wants one like an hour before I left. She showed me pictures of herself as a kid and some other pictures and shared memories that are really important or even painful to her. I'm propably being way too sensitive.

There are lot of reasons for the girl who gets cold and distant.

1. She maybe have a little problem that needs to be solve first
2. she already has someone in her heart or she already has a new boyfriend
3. you made her offended that you didnt know.

I've been thinking about this too. It's propably the first or the third. I really doubt she would find somebody else within 24 hours after talking to me for months. It's not impossible though. I have no idea how I could've offended her, but it's possible. I'm not a very good with people always.

[bamix]

Thats good. Atleast i was able to help even a little. Just enjoy your self and forget those problems. Thats what im doing also.