I lied about my age by ten years

[tcdamsel]

I became very frustrated with the online dating sites I was using, because I was getting responses from men who were just too old. I look much younger than my 55 years and changed my profile to say that I was 45 just to see if I could attract younger men. It worked. I was contacted by, went out with and have begun a relationship with a man who is 41. I'm very close to falling in love with him. He thinks I'm 45 and I've agonized every day over the last four weeks over how and when to tell him the truth. I've been advised to tell him: it won't matter; don't tell him: wait until he is in love. All I know is that I fear he will feel betrayed and walk away. It's a huge age difference. What do you all think?

[vashti]

I think you should stop lying about your age. Healthy relationships cannot be based on lies. You should have anticipated this might happen; what did you *think* would happen if you met someone?

[surfhb2]

You should tell him today and prepare for the worse.

[b_hernandez]

Tell him before you hurt him and he wonders what else you've lied about. (Even if you haven't, it's just if you'll lie about your age, what else would you lie about? that may be something he thinks of.) Maybe he won't care! Maybe he digs older women! haha, but definitely tell him and make sure it's sincere and tell him your reasoning why you did it. Perhaps he will be understanding, perhaps not.

[phoenix90]

You should tell him the next time you see him. I think the lieing would bother him more than the actual age difference. Good luck!!

[lalalita]

10 years is a big gap. I used to lie about being a year older than I actually was when I was in my teens, and "came clean" to a serious boyfriend and he laughed and was like "that's it? you scared me! I thought you we're going to say something bad." BUT...we talked about it years later and he explained it only didn't bother him because it was only a one year difference.

[Makeme]

I think you should come clean, if you really care about him as you said u may be falling in love with him, it's wrong to keep lying to him. Tell him , let him decide, if he feels the same way about you he may stick around and see where the relationship goes.

[Rowen]

Let me say this... No matter what you do, you're going to hurt him. I'd hurt him now than hurt him later when he's in love with you. Honestly, I've faked my age at 15 so I could sign up for online dating sites that you had to be 18 for... Though I was honest about my age ASAP, I can tell you that it does not send out good signals and starter for a healthy relationship. And I can only imagine how much worse this is going to be when you tell him... Notice the word WHEN there because you NEED to tell him. You can't love someone without considering how they feel. If you go on to possibly one day marry this man, you won't love him because you won't even care how he feels. You would have kept a secret that has the capacity to hurt others.

I advise you, strongly mind you, to tell him immediately. Sit him down and tell him you have something you need to get off your chest and that it's been eating you up for the past however long you've been together. If he truly loves you, he'll see age for what it is- a number. If not, you need to move on.