Husband had an affair and has come back to me...

[charlied182]

Hi all. Need some advice..

I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for two. 3 weeks ago he came home out of the blue and told me he was leaving. A week later he told me that he had started seeing someone else. 3 days ago he came back to me. Crying, apologising, declaring his love for me. I have to admit I was so happy because I am willing to forgive and try to rebuild the relationship.

Now, he has gone cold on me. He says he doesn't know if he regrets coming back. That he needs his own time and space for a minute. Surely it should be the other way round? He should be trying his hardest to make it up to me? I want it to work, but I refuse to put all of the effort in and make it one sided. He is barely talking to me at the moment. He says I'm pressuring him....he was the one that CHOSE to come back.

What do you think is going on in his head? He is coming over to see me tonight....I need some advice on how to handle this situation please.

Thanks

[vashti]

This recently happened to a friend of mine, whose husband left her for a few months to pursue a childhood sweetheart he hadn't seen in 30 years. She was so grateful when he came home, that she never mentioned his disloyalty again, and just demonstrated happiness that he was home... this seems to have worked for her.

I don't think I could have reacted this way, to be honest. I doubt I could ever trust him again.

My advice for you is to decide if it is more important to have him back than it is to resolve this conflict, and act accordingly.

[4 ratties]

He sounds very confused. Talking is all you can do to solve this problem, idk why people act like there's some magical solution or advice to give, you need TO TALK. If he's not willing to talk, he's not worth it.

[michelle23]

you should have caused war over this. you have just given him a reason to think your a doormat and he can get away with anything.

if you really want him back then i suggest you make him fight for YOU. tell him to piss off tonight when he comes over, stand up for yourself and tell him what he has done is unacceptable and there are consequences. then you sit back and relax. let him sweat, let him run around after you begging and pleading for another chance. let him think he really has lost you . if your marriage is worth anything-he wont give up for a long time and you can teach him a valuable lesson.

i dont understand why youd even want him back but its your life girl. just dont be his fool

good luck

[avine]

Sounds like he came back to you because things either ended or weren't going well with his lover so he crawled back with his tail between his legs. seeing you accepted him back even welcomed him he now thinks you will forgive him anything and he doesn't need to try. Things might have resolved with his lover if not it wont be long before he has another because he is clearly not sorry.

[haxan]

His happiness seems to be based around where and when he blew his last load. Sounds like you picked a winner there

[IndiReloaded]

Unless you have young children to consider, just leave. You know you want to. Staying would only erode your shattered self-esteem more.

Once you have done so, go pickup the pieces of yourself and reforge yourself into someone stronger. More awesome. You deserve it.

[taichi]

As i told my friend, human is very special. everyone is different. You never know what is your partner think although they are the one who sleep beside you everyday unless an effective communication and commitment build between both of you. Hence, an effective communication is important for you and ur husband. He said he need time, but there is a limit for him. else you will never overcome this obstacle in your love journey.

[michelle23]

I dont think OP is coming back guys. This thread is old

I wonder what happened in the end

[mariastro]

you already given him a chance ...but he refused again . then i think now you let him go and separate both of you.

[MakingYouFeel]

Introduce him to a woman friend of yours that you wouldn't mind him having an affair with. At least, then, he won't be cheating on you because you approved it. Your marriage will stay intact and your husband will love you beyond comprehension because you loved him so much that you provided what he wanted.