Lost a good guy due to unresolved past

[greenleaflet]

I met a guy for marriage and we both really liked each other and got along very well.I have an unresolved past relationship with a guy for 8 years which I am hoping to move on from.The new guy asked me one day if I had a past relationship, and I admitted. He asked if I am still in touch, and I told yes.This new guy has had a past bad experience with a girl who wont get over her ex-bf and hence they had to break up their engagement.He thanked me for my honesty, but called it off between us, and asked me to move on from old one first. I really felt the pang, since I like this new guy, and the old relationship has dragged.I was really honestly hoping to make a new start with this new guy, but he obviously wont buy it.
pls advise.

[Archie]

Get over your ex and find someone new.

[HeartIsAching]

In what way do you still have contact with the old guy... and why?

If it's important to you, cut contact and reconnect with the new guy. If it's not important enough to do that, then you're all set.

[michelle23]

The only way to move on from a past relationship is to cut ALL contact and accept its over. By over I mean no romance or friendship ever again. Then take some time out-give yourself at least a few months before contacting the new guy. Tell him you cut all contact with the ex months ago and are fully ready to move on and you would like to take him out for coffee if he is interested. It will either be a yes or a no.

That is all you can do. If things dont work out with the new guy, its not the end of the world. You will meet someone else but the important thing now is to cut all ties with the ex so you can give yourself a chance to find real love

[HeartIsAching]

The only way to move on from a past relationship is to cut ALL contact and accept its over. By over I mean no romance or friendship ever again.

Gonna have to disagree with you there. One of my ex-wives and I are still very good friends. We even lived in the same house, in separate bedrooms for a while after separating, with attendant ground-rules as to dating, which lead to some hilarious phone conversations with her male suitors. We get along great as long as we don't have to spend too much time together, and there's ZERO sexual attraction going on.

I'm not saying that the "friendship" thing works for everyone - I think most people don't get it right; I'm aware that S***** and I are weird... I'm just saying that's not the "only" way to get past a relationship.

You really ought to try avoiding using absolutes in your speech, Michelle.

[michelle23]

that is the exception HIA and I am sorry but I think it is messed up to stay that close to someone you once had a romantic and sexual relationship with.. Myself personally would not do it.

Even if I had kids with an ex-I would be polite and civil for the childrens sake but other than that I wouldn't want him as a friend.

[4 ratties]

Damn someone around here is so pushy and snobby with their opinions. Ugh.