Feel very confused

[Anna1408]

Hi everyone. :-) I'm new here and I'm pleased to meet you all.

I am having a very difficult time with a man I have been having an internet relationship with for the last 9 months. We met on another forum and fell in love very quickly. He lives in a different country to me,but we have a very passionate relationship and he has told me I am the love of his life.

However he is very demanding and we have had several bad rows which have ended with him blocking me from gmail chat and from the private messages of his forum account. He is suspicious of everything I do and often accuses me of lying when I am telling the truth. He is also extremely jealous of me chatting with others on that forum (I must point out that I never flirt with any of them). He seems to think they are more important to me than they really are,and goes into a sulk if he thinks I'm chatting with someone else other than him. He also read everything I wrote there,every reply to anyone and every post I made. He would scan my page twice a day.

A few weeks ago I was talking to someone on that forum about a painting I had done and he shared some of his own artistic work. I posted my painting there on the forum to show him and anyone else. We at no time had any flirtation and talked just in a general way about artistic stuff but the next day I got about ten short and furious emails from my guy saying I was a cheat,that I had hurt him deeply,that I had shared my painting with this other man and not with him,etc, and telling me I was a bastard,a bitch. He went on and on about how the people on that forum meant more to me than he did. One email said "I want to kill myself." another said "I want to crush myself" and still another said "I want to kill you and kill myself." All this because I had shared a painting of mine and talked about my artwork with this other person.

He contacted me in gmail chat and we fought. He said he couldn't trust me anymore and that I had betrayed him. He was in a really terrible state and so was I because I feared losing him. I apologised for hurting him (although I felt I had done nothing wrong) but he didn't really take it. Then he ordered me to close my account in that forum (he had closed his own account that morning because of my "behaviour"). I immediately closed it. We patched things up over that week and used gmail chat constantly,as usual.
He was loving and passionate and we had the most intense closeness (we have an incredibley beautiful love relationship when we are not fighting).
However I felt annoyed that he had made me leave the forum for no good reason and secretly I rejoined using a different name. To my horror he found out immediately that I had rejoined and we had a split. But he came back a few days later saying he missed me terribly. We resumed our relationship and I began to help him out with the grammar for a project he is working on. He knew I had rejoined the forum but we didnt talk about it.

But then a week ago he pinged me on chat and asked me if I was busy. I said "no,all I'm doing is putting links on twitter." He seemed annoyed at that and said "well you go on in twitter then." I said "no no,I'd much prefer talking to you." But he sulked a bit about it. Then I made the fatal mistake of telling him what my new nic was in the other forum. He suddenly went mad at this. Again we had a huge row and he said "You just go to twitter or to your friends on the forum". I pleaded with him that I just wanted to talk to him but he was having none of it. The next day I found he had blocked me on gmail chat.

I left him alone but three days later I got about 20 emails written by him over the previous 18 ours or so. The first were things like "Oh I can't stand this empitness...oh this life....aaaahhhh."; "I cant get you out of my heart." ; "I realise that forum is your life." "I can't stand this emptiness". But then the emails got increasingly angry. He said in one "from this day I divorce you. You are no longer my wife" (he had been calling me his "wife"); "You are a fake and a cheat"; "Now my wife is my project. that is my new love"; etc etc etc

Since then he has been blocking me and unblocking me in gmail chat. But he never talks if I ping him. Yesterday he blocked me in the afternoon and later I caught him unblocking me. Stupidly I pinged him sending him a kiss and saying "hahaha" Gotcha!! :-))". Now this morning I find I am blocked again.

I just love this man so much and I feel that I can't go on. I so much want him to come back and for us to be close like we were before. I have decided not to contact him but feel lost and devastated without him. I don't know what to do. :-(

I'd really appreciate any feedback you could give on my situation.

Blessings

Anna

[jonnybegood]

Anna,

In my opinion I'd run, if you ever meet this guy I can only see bad things coming of it once the honeymoon period is over, imagine what he'll say if you tell him you're meeting a friend from work (doesn't matter if its male or female), I think the verbal abuse would slowly turn to physical abuse. He's a control freak and you're allowing him to bully you.

I do find it hard to believe that you LOVE this man, care deep enough for you believe that, but not love. I myself had an amazing time talking to a lady online, met her and there was just no spark.
You've found something in the online world you crave for, I'd get out and find it in the real world and leave him to it. SURE its going to be hard, but talk online to other people, with the sole purpose of talking, and look for relationships in your own country.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

[4 ratties]

Wtf?! Why are u with this psycho?? Your scared to lose him? U should be scared of being with him.. He's jealous, controlling, suicidal, angry. Those are the qualities you look for in a man? That is sad. This is going to end really badly.

[Anna1408]

Thanks jonnybegood and 4 ratties. I think you both have done me the favor of telling me in black and white what I needed to hear. Yesterday he unblocked me and sent me some photos. I gave an unemotional reply. Also he was online for an hour while I chatted to a friend. I know he was waiting for me to initiate chat but I didn't. Today I find I am blocked again.

[Anna1408]

Yeah jonnybegood he has in the past been jealous of women I talk to on the internet. Once a women on that forum wrote a post saying she was ill. I replied with a "get well soon. Hugs!" kind of reply and my guy sent me an email asking if I had lesbian feelings for this woman.

[michelle23]

girl why are you having a fantasy online relationship with a guy you have never met? If you have not kissed, cuddled, held hands, had sex, ate pizza in bed together, curled up on the couch with a horror movie and popcorn, met his family and friends-then it is NOT a relationship.

Why are you still talking to this guy? Get rid of him and go meet a nice local man that you can have a proper relationship with

[Anna1408]

Michelle, I don't know, I don't know. It seems ridiculous to me also. I only know him through internet chat and videochat. I've never been in an internet "relationship" before, but somehow I just fell in love and the feelings are as strong as in any normal "real life" relationship I have ever had.

I know I must end things with him now. But you know...this thing is just hurting me so bad right now I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I should totally avoid any emails he sends and cut him off completely. I just hope I have the strength to get myself through it.

[michelle23]

Anna block him from any online sources you are connected on and then move on with your life. He sounds awful anyway and you can do better. You will be fine. Pain is temporary. We mourn every loss and then we move on. Just erase him from your life (no explanation) and pretend he never existed.

Good luck

[Anna1408]

Thank you Michelle. I will do it. I'm starting to be scared of him anyway because he just seems so obsessed with me. I know his behaviour is not normal. He goes through the internet looking for people who have the same name as me and goes searcing through all the forums to see if he can find me on any of them. It can't go on.

I appreciate all your help with this.

[michelle23]

He sounds like a psycho. I hope you have not given him personal info such as where you live or a phone number? You do need to get him out of your life. Its not normal behavior at all

[jonnybegood]

I'll never pretend to be an expert in matters of the heart, BUT run run run, you'll find a man who is trusting, respectful, balanced and most of all love you without wanting to change a thing, just be patient he is out there.

[Anna1408]

I have his phone number and his address, and his brother and sister's phone number, plus their emails and the emails of a couple of his friends. He doesn't have my address or phone but he has my brother's phone number. But I think if he tried to give me problems I could cause a bit of a stink for him also.

Michelle, everyone on this forum that has replied to my thread and two other friends who I have confided in have told me they think he is a psycho. I guess I really have to wake up to the fact that he is not normal and get out quick.

[michelle23]

Yes dont even give him an explanation. Just disappear. Tell your brother to block him from his phone and move on. Best of luck

[Anna1408]

Thanks jonny I feel a lot better having confided in all of you and I'm gathering strength to move on. :-)

[Anna1408]

Yeah Anna,I'll do just that.

It's weird but I originally wrote this thread because I so desperately wanted this man back. But having read these replies I know that the only solution is to get him right out of my life. I feel a bit shell shocked right now,to be honest. I had this guy so much in my life for the past months and there were lovely times as well as bad times. Going through this day without him and knowing I will have to continue without him is so strange. I'm trying to occupy myself with other things but everything feels so unreal. I feel like I've just jumped into a void.