Losing love/feelings

**rakon123** · 08-07-13, 04:21 PM

Well i met this girl, she is the perfect girl I had ever asked for. I chased her for about 5 months and eventually she decided to accept me to be her other half. I was so glad that we finally got together and we spent so much time together. The problem is that she had family problems before and so it wasn't easy for her to express her emotions. Nevertheless this is something that i did not mind.

Although i thought it was going on fine, suddenly there was a change of heart in me, and the next day i just changed totally. I was a different man, unmotivated, and a person lacking of drive. This was not the usual me. I did not feel like meeting her or even talking to her and as a person i did not even feel like doing anything at all. I felt so ridiculed by feelings. The truth is that i know i like her and i still want to be with her but my feelings does not tell me the same thing. Another odd thing is that we skipped the honeymoon period... Something i believe as a very valuable period of time to be spending with each other. Even if we did actually have a honeymoon period, mine lasted for say 2 weeks? Which really wasn't normally what i would expect out of myself. While on the other hand, for her, it should have been very easy since it seems as though I lost feelings for her, and that she had to go through the honey moon period herself.

Despite all this, i know her worth for me and i was always proud to have her as my girlfriend. I showed her to my friends and families and all of them accepted her. I thought that this would result in me gaining more feelings for her since everyone approved of her, instead, it gave me a lot more stress in the relationship. Eventually, leading to me breaking down and also breaking up with her. As of now, I know that my relationship is gone. I also know, that her feelings are strong enough for me to get back together with her now if i wanted to. But to prevent having the risk of hurting each other, i decided to break up to figure myself out and figure out why am i so unmotivated. I still do not have a reason, but i pray my feelings will come back to me so that i can get together with her once again. With her, I know like I'm the luckiest man on earth. But it seems as though my feelings beg to differ. I'm basically just having an internal war within myself. I really want to get this sorted out so that I can quickly get together with her again. A girl like her is hard to find. Help.

**rakon123** · 08-07-13, 08:25 PM

Could someone advise me please ?

**searock** · 08-07-13, 08:37 PM

When exactly did your feelings change? Was it 2 weeks after you started dating her?

Did you know her well, before you started dating her? I mean, were you two close (as friends)?

**michelle23** · 08-07-13, 09:28 PM

your prob just spent too long chasing her. that 5 months was the honeymoon period and after all that hard work and effort to woo her maybe you just realized subconsciously that you shouldn't have to work that hard for that long to impress a girl. Id say you just got bored of chasing her and you realized that she is not as great as you thought she was once you took her off that pedastal.

Avoid making that mistake again in future-if you like a girl dont spend any longer than a couple of weeks getting to know her, then just ask her out. If she says no-say fine and move on. Dont chase her and take off the rose tinted glasses. Get to know the real her from the beginning and dont create this imaginary wonder woman in your mind while you daydream about her

Best of luck

**rakon123** · 09-07-13, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by michelle23

your prob just spent too long chasing her. that 5 months was the honeymoon period and after all that hard work and effort to woo her maybe you just realized subconsciously that you shouldn't have to work that hard for that long to impress a girl. Id say you just got bored of chasing her and you realized that she is not as great as you thought she was once you took her off that pedastal.

Avoid making that mistake again in future-if you like a girl dont spend any longer than a couple of weeks getting to know her, then just ask her out. If she says no-say fine and move on. Dont chase her and take off the rose tinted glasses. Get to know the real her from the beginning and dont create this imaginary wonder woman in your mind while you daydream about her

Best of luck

Well I believe your point where the honeymoon period was when I was chasing her but thinking that shes not as great as I thought was not true. I think shes perfect, an ideal girl, and someone that I always dreamed of. Could it be that im pressurising myself to make it perfect for her too?

**rakon123** · 09-07-13, 11:47 AM

It changed after we got together.. yep around 2 weeks after. And I knew her well ive been talking to her for 5 months before we got together, we were close, she almost regarded me as a brother which I managed to avoid. Haha.. nevertheless I think shes a perfect girl and I want her to get the best from me. But I cant seem to get myself straight...

**searock** · 09-07-13, 03:54 PM

You have idealized her and now you are stubbornly refusing to see her for what she actually is: a real person with flaws, just like everybody else. She clearly isn't the perfect woman for you, either, otherwise you wouldn't be having these doubts. When you meet the right person, you'll know. And she won't be the right person because she will tick all the boxes in your list of ideal qualities, she will be the right person because you two will fit together, you will have amazing communication and intimacy and it will just feel right to be with her.

**michelle23** · 09-07-13, 06:23 PM

when you spend this long chasing someone-you allow yourself to daydream of what it could be like and you set your standards high by molding her into this perfect creature in your mind. Then when you finally get her and she is not the same as you imagined in your mind (coz it was unrealistic) you start wondering is she really for me..

If its not that then I dont know whats wrong with you. you say shes perfect, everything you could ever want but yet you dont have strong feelings for her...

Maybe there is no chemistry or spark..

**IslandScorp** · 09-07-13, 06:39 PM

When it comes to love, it isn't whether the person is perfect according to some checklist or standards set by other people - the person, flaws and all, has to be perfect for you. That internal war that you're waging within yourself - that's a war between your logical mind which is telling you that she SHOULD be the one that you care for and your heart which is telling you, for whatever reason, that you DON'T love her. My opinion, you need to listen to your heart. To be with her but not to feel for her the way one should feel when they're in love is unfair to her and to yourself.

**rakon123** · 09-07-13, 06:58 PM

Well even when I got together with her I still felt like shes perfect and that she is in fact a perfect girl. Perhaps I give myself too much pressure because she actually is so perfect and I cant find a flaw about her. I dont know why my feelings doesnt feel this way because I did have alot offeelings for her before. Now that we have broken up I miss her really bad and I dread to get back with her. But now I doubt myself and my abilities to make her happy and the last thing I want to do is to hurt her again.

**rakon123** · 09-07-13, 07:08 PM

Could it be that I wanted to make it perfect for her too so bad that it made me stress till the point where I cant enjoy the relationship?

**rakon123** · 09-07-13, 07:11 PM

I dont think shes perfect through other peoples standard. I think shes perfect to me. Now, my heart is stressed even after breaking up with her. I felt my sweet moments with her before maybe those sweet moments just ended after chasing her and getting together after such a long time?

**Empty Road** · 09-07-13, 08:52 PM

The thrill of the chase is more sweeter to you than the catch. Some people are wired this way. It's a pity.

**searock** · 09-07-13, 10:59 PM

Originally Posted by rakon123

I dont think shes perfect through other peoples standard. I think shes perfect to me.

As I said, she isn't actually perfect for you. You will know when you find the person that is perfect for you, because it will feel right to be with her. It will feel like it's the most "right" thing in the world.

maybe those sweet moments just ended after chasing her and getting together after such a long time?

Yes. You idealized her and fell "in love" with your idealized version of her.

I'm glad you broke up, I just hope she hadn't gotten her hopes up.

How old are you, out of curiosity?

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