mixed signals

[dcp26]

This is going to be long... I met a guy off a dating website back in May, we seemed to hit it off right away, our first date was great, and we texted a bunch and ended up going on a couple more dates. He communicated well, always texting when he got home from a date about how much he enjoyed spending time together, how much he enjoyed my company, how cute i looked tonight, etc. About three weeks in, we went bar hopping in his neighborhood one night, and I wound up not being able to drive home. I slept over his place, and not much happened, just a little kissing/cuddling. About a week later, I texted to see if he wanted to hang out again, and he said yes, but continued to say he enjoys hanging out with me, I'm one of the coolest girls he's ever met, but he didn't think we had the chemistry he was looking for. He also told me he was seeing other girls (fine with me, we had never talked about being exclusive). We hung out that night and watched a hockey game and that was it...at that point we lived about a 10 minute drive from each other. I moved to a different part of the state a week later, and he's also moving close to my current location in 2 weeks. For the past month we've just been texting at random, and I went on a couple more dates with a different guy but stopped seeing him a week ago.

Last night I happened to be in his area for a work dinner. When my dinner was over, I texted to see what he was up to for the night, and he said he was just hanging out at home. We wound up meeting in his neighborhood for a few drinks. He asked about what I had been up to during the past month, if I had been seeing anyone. I told him about the guy I went on a couple dates with but stopped seeing. He said he hadn't been out with any other girls since me (although the last time I saw him, he said he was seeing other people). He was very attentive while we were hanging out, wouldn't let me pay for anything at the 3 bars we went to, (I had already had a few drinks at dinner, he had been drinking/watching a movie before meeting me) so after hitting 3 bars, we were both feeling pretty good. We wound up back at his place, since I now live further away, it definitely wasn't okay to drive, and he had said it was okay from the beginning if I needed to crash. We started cuddling, and then things got a lot heavier (no sex). He said a lot of things about how much he likes spending time with me/how he never had met a girl like me before (I figured he was just saying these things because he was drunk). When I left this morning, he texted me while I was still driving home. He said, "hope you don't regret anything from last night, I know we were both trashed, but I remember everything. We should hang out sober sometime " and then texted, "you're a lot of fun to kiss". I don't want to read into anything, because I know he had already told me he doesn't feel chemistry between us. I don't want to get my hopes up about him because I had really started to care for him when we were first seeing each other, and I definitely don't want to turn this into a hookup because we do have the potential to just be friends if we could make that work. From a guy's perspective, what might be going on in his head?

[michelle23]

if he said there is no chemistry-id forget him and move on. dont text him, ring him etc at all. see how long it takes to hear from him. when he texts you tell him you are confused coz hes seeing other people and says theres no chemistry but seems interested. tell him you dont wana be messed around-your looking for an exclusive relationship and if he doesnt want that-its fine but its pointless meeting again if your not on the same page.

and dont come back with "im not looking for a relationship" coz i wont believe you. if you want more than hes willing to give-walk away. if he cant see the potential in you its his loss coz plenty other guys will

[dcp26]

Thanks for your input Michelle, the one thing that really confused me was he had originally told me he was seeing other people while we were first dating, but then the other night he said he hadn't dated anyone since we stopped seeing each other? So was he lying and just didn't want to see me anymore at that point?

I'm 100% looking for a relationship and not a hook up, and I really like this guy, I just don't want to get my hopes up again. He texted me both yesterday morning and last night, I don't know if I should just ask him directly about what's going on, or if I should wait to see if he really asks me to hang out again like he said we should do.

[pacachomp]

Actually I disagree with Michelle on this. It honestly sounds like he changed his mind about you, which sounds pretty bad, but can definitely happen. One scenario is that he had a crush on someone else when you were going out originally which he's since gotten over, in which case, telling you that you didn't have the right chemistry with him (i.e. what he was imagining with this hypothetical other girl) makes sense.

Basically, don't write him off. If he now says he likes you, trust him on that. Just talk to him about everything you mentioned in this thread when you find a good opportunity.