What has happened to me :(

[MarkoOo]

Hi, I'm new here. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this and kind enough to reply.

I'm not your average guy, growing up I had major spinal surgery over many operations over many years started when I was 10 and I was in and out of hospital up until I was 16, I consider myself very lucky to be walking and living a normal life by the time I was 17, because of this I struggled socially, coming from a already shy guy there was not really much about me I had friends but couldn't do everything they did.

When I got told I could live a normal life again, I felt strong, proud and alive for the first time in my life. Although I was still very shy my character and personality begun to shine, I made bunch of really close friends and one of those later on became my love of my life. We were close friends at first and after awhile she just stop talking to me until one day she came to my door and told me she's falling in love with me, I had always said she was way out my league hence I could be myself around her because I thought we would be friends and nothing else.

We spent 5 years together I was on top of the world at this point, pysically in great shape considering what I went through, I had really good job for my age, I was learning more for my future aswell, I had alot friends around me, I have such a determination to do well for me and my girlfriend. The shy guy once was, was long gone I literally felt on top of the world without wanting to be I was center of attention I got to say it felt great after missing 7 years of my life.

The low point in the relationship came 4 and half years later she begun to lie to me not wanting to lose her I never really questioned her, I trusted her not the hearsay around me. one day she just up and left to never speak to me again she took home all her stuff, changed her number, told her parents to tell me to go every time I went round, IT WAS OVER.. 2 days later shes with another guy, the other guy turns out to be one of my friends they had been seeing eachother behind my back for 4-5 months my life shattered infront my own eyes.

4 years on i'm now 25 and I'm over her no feeling of love or hate I just simply dont know her now, we haven't spoken a word since we broke up. The reason I'm upset and the reason I'm here is because im so dissapointed with who I have become over the years, To name a few things, I'm still in the same job at the same wage I was when I was a kid, I have gained about 3 stone in weight, I have quite alot debt, my self confidence is ridiculous I cant even look at someone in the eye, let alone strike a convocation with someone, I even feel awkward around friends I've known for years I feel as if I have nothing decent in my life to talk about, I dont go out any more I feel unwanted, I have no goals or ambitions. What has happened to me? from someone that was on top of the world and the reason my ex girlfriend fell in love with me, to someone as messed up as this, I dont even know where to begin and turn this all around.

Thanks for reading, Hope someone can give me something to cling on to.

[smackie9]

It's because you let the relationship be your whole life, and when that was gone so was your life. You didn't have to let it, but you did. Most people rise above the emotions and do better >>> This is the step you have to take now. If you say you have no more bitterness about what happened, then you are ready to move forward. The best step to start with is to exercise (start with running, it costs nothing) and eat a healthy diet. This will stimulate your hormone production and libido....these things will make you feel good. Your financial situation can be helped with you seeking out a finance company that can consolidate all your bills and set up a loan to pay back with small easy payments. Stop using food and spending money to fill the void. Learn to live with less. Invite friends over instead of going out....Have a friendly poker night with the guys. Tell them to bring their own drinks and a snack (again will cost you nothing). Volunteer for a charity...this will help you feel self worth helping out the less fortunate. Once you get back on track, go to your boss and tell them that you are looking for an opportunity to move up in the company. If you don't take this kind of initiative then you will be stuck in a dead end job. If this isn't possible, see if there are some free or inexpensive courses you can take at a local community college to learn new skills that will improve your chance to find a better job......

[Ann S]

WOW! Were you ever betrayed! You let this girl be the determining factor for your self esteem! I also think you are depressed. You are isolating and exhibit symptoms of anhedonia - inability to experience pleasure. One question I must ask is, are you smoking weed? or taking any other drugs or medications? Once we know that, it might be clearer how to give you good feedback. Ann

[MarkoOo]

No, never ever touched any kind of drugs, I dont hardly drink either. Your both right and its clearly since my break up were the downfall has started. Guess what I'm trying to say was there was a guy before this that was sweet, happy, had my life on track plenty to look forward too even before I met her but the break up has destroyed my life, Im not looking for relationship I just want myself back. Its my work friends 21st on friday I'm going to be surrounded by people I've known for years yet I will feel out of place.

[smackie9]

The only way to get out of your slump is to have a positive and fighting attitude towards life. Give yourself a pep talk, go to that party, put on a smile and say hi to each person there.

[michelle23]

its not too late to make your life better. start by exercising daily and eating healthy, join a new hobby, meet new people, get a better job, do a night course to help get you where you want to be and see a doctor for your depression.

kick yourself up the ass and get motivated. your life is in your hands

[Empty Road]

Guess what I'm trying to say was there was a guy before this that was sweet, happy, had my life on track plenty to look forward too even before I met her but the break up has destroyed my life, Im not looking for relationship I just want myself back.

Yea that's what happen when your heart is truly broken for the first time. For some people, the impact is severe, usually the really nice ones suffer the most. You can't become your old self again because this experience is quite traumatic for you and will leave a permanent scar on ur heart. But it doesn't mean you'll stay at this slump forever, you can pick yourself up and become stronger. Just focus on your career and social life. Be active, keep busy so you spend less time dwelling on the past cuz that will only hold you back.

[MarkoOo]

well I went to my work friends 21st, I originally thought I'd know most there but this wasn't the case. I found myself in the same situation being really quite not talking, I can only be myself around a few people (maybe 5 or 6) and none of them were there. Thanks to everyone who has replied, I have taken on board everything you have said. I feel a massive problem in my life is my job, I wake up at 4am, I come across rude but in fact im actrually really tired and shy. As I think alot of you will agree my job has very unsocial hours, plus if I get a new job I could meet some new people. I written down a bunch of goals I want to achieve and in 1 or 2 years I hope to say I have turned it all around and maybe inspire some others like you guys have me. many thanks

[smackie9]

The best think to do is start with smaller goals, the ones that are achievable in a short period of time. Doing that will boost you moral and motivate you.