Girl trouble

[Archie]

Hello ladies,
today I came to you seeking advice, because I'm unsure how to proceed with this situation, if I should proceed at all or if I'm being stupid about the situation.

Me and this girl, we go a long way back, it all started with daily conversations through Skype to actual meet-ups, but in our 7 year long relationship we have never dated or hung out to do any kind of activities together. Given, I really liked her and wanted to date her, but got rejected at the time, same 7 years ago, we remained friends. Four years ago she stared dating someone and got together with that person. I didn't pay any mind to it because we were just friends, so it didn't bother me.
This summer, we met up after a long a time of not seeing each other, because on Skype we had a dispute on which restaurant is better, the one that I like or the one that she likes, so we made up our minds to clear the dispute. Along all that she also said there are some movies she'd like to see.
The first restaurant we went to was hers. It was alright I thought, not the best. At the end, we ended up splitting the bill, she payed for her meal I payed for mine, I thought that was pretty normal. Afterwards, on the way home, we had a slight discussion about our past, which eventually led my curiosity to ask her what exactly happened. To which she replied that I was too slow and missed my chance. I thought that was funny, I didn't say anything, but she was the one who rejected me, not my slowness.
The next time we went to my favorite restaurant. Needless to say I was very happy to go there, she also said the food was great, so I was satisfied. However a strange thing, I payed for the both of us, which confused me a bit. It wasn't a date, so why? She could have at least asked how much did I pay, but displayed no interest. She's not the golddigger type, I'm sure of that. After dinner we went on a long walk home and along the way, I thought it'd be okay to ask how's her relationship and from what I could tell, it wasn't going too well. That raised a red flag.
So now she wants to watch a movie with me and not just any movie, but a movie that I think would be best to watch with someone you're together with, e.g. her boyfriend, because it's a movie about kids. Now, we haven't gotten a chance to watch the movie, we're both too busy, or one of us is unavailable when the other is available. I'm unsure what she'll think of that time together. Not to mention she want's to watch the movie with me in my apartment.

I'm single at the moment and if a girl approaches me like this, I'm inclined to think she wants more than just being friends, however she has a boyfriend and that's what freaks me out.

How should I go about this situation, what is going through her mind? Is it that she thinks I'm like one of her girlfriends(I'm a guy hello), is there more to it? Or am I just being crazy and overthinking it?
Also I'm unsure weather I even want to be together with her, she did break my achy-breaky heart back then.

Note that we haven't done any activities together until this summer, so why, what has changed?

[michelle23]

what are you doinfg spending 7years talking to a girl that you want but cant have? these "friendship" really anoy me and what are you doing meeting a girl alone who you know has a bf? ask yourself would you be comfortable with your gf doing that with another guy?

this is a typical emotional affair. she is either using you as an emotional tampon coz there is something missing from her relationship or she is using you as a way out of the relationship coz she fears being alone or she wants to have an affair with you.

either way if you tolerate any of this BS you will get hurt. my advice is to get rid of her-cut the friendship completely and move on with your life. if she will do this with you-she will do it to you

and if you get together you will just be a rebound-she will likely run straight home to him within 8weeks

[Misstinguette]

I am with Michelle23.
She is probably looking the things that is missing in her relationship. Why she does not watch the movie with her bf too? Why she wants to watch it at your place?
Friends can split the bills, I don't see any problem with dat. And sometimes, one can pay... but just don't let her take it as an habit if you don't want to dry up your wallet for someone you don't know what is her intention.
Honestly, I think you should have a clear conversation with her, and explains without upsetting her that you don't feel comfortable to invite her at your place to watch a movie alone since she has a bf. You don't want to damage your friendship with her. This might be seen in a wrong way if someone is aware.


I am currently in the opposite situation where it is my partner who is seeing often a girl to do stuff such as cinema/restaurant.. and spend lot of time on the phone. And believe me this is very irritating and trouble makers. I am sure you don't want to be a trouble maker innocently.

The point also I agree with michelle23: my partner complained that I spent too much time working. So that's why he found a "emotional tampon person" to fill out what there is not in our relation.

Try as a friend maybe to discuss about the relationship she has with her bf. To know where the issue(s) is (are), and maybe advice her. In the same time, the best is not to get too much involved in couple issues, as if things go wrong, they will say it is because of you - you try to break up their relation etc.

Good luck

[Archie]

It has crossed my mind that I'm substituting for her boyfriends imperfections. Though from what I've heard about her boyfriend, he seems a lot like me, so I'm not sure how I make up to be that person, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, I also have been thinking about having a chat with her about this for a while now, on where does our relationship stand and to figure out what are we to each other. So, on a subconscious level, I guess that's what I wanted to clear up, should I or should I not.

I haven't had problems with my exes so far, they knew there's this girl I keep in contact with every now and then, and she was never the reason for our break-up's, I've even gone to her seeking advice and her opinion many times. I was relying on her a lot. Now that I'm single and "this summer" happened, I'm starting to doubt myself weather I want to be friends with her anymore or do I want something more.
But it's true, I wouldn't go messing up her relationship, that wouldn't be me and I'm not sure how I'd live with that if I did.

So, the best option here would be to burn the bridge, cut the string, tell her we can't be friends anymore?

[ParadiseLost]

So, the best option here would be to burn the bridge, cut the string, tell her we can't be friends anymore?

The best option would be find a fresh girl and dont waste 7 years this time.

[Archie]

I wasn't wasting 7 years

[4 ratties]

You can be friends, but you need to be appropriate. Don't give in to her needy cheating crap. Such as going out on dinner dates, watching movies alone, texting all the time etc. she's got a boyfriend, you need to respect that even if she doesn't. Tell her to grow a pair and break things off with her guy if she's not happy