Moody Girlfriend, cant cope

[Adviceplease123]

Hey, ill try and keep it short. But im in abit of dialema and really dont know what to do..
Ive never been so split decisioned about something so much in my life, having been with my girlfriend for over 3 years i love her very much but at the same time cant stand the moody side of her, which is a very big part of her. We laugh and have fun but wont go a day without her going in a mood/strop atleast once, and sometimes this makes me angry to the point where i just have to leave for 5 minutes. And its usualy over the most sillyest things!
You will proberly suggest that i speak to her, i have, many times. I think its just think its in her nature to be so moody and nasty at times. I cant work out the balance, if the good times make me happy enough to out weigh the times shes horrible i dont know! Shes said shes trying but i see little difference. We've spoken about a future together, i cant see it happening if so early on im having douts about her.
Im still very younge and really dont want to make the wrong decisions. I just know that if i break up with her i would find someone who makes me much happier in life but at the same time i love her so much. I also feel like i cant break up with her even if i wanted to, she is really bad at sociallizing with little friends. She allways tell me how shes got nothing and without me, well she really would have nothing to do.
Any advice?

[basilandthyme]

I know the feeling of staying largely because you know they will fall into a heap without you - I stayed too long in my previous marriage for the same reason. Thing is though, we shouldn't sacrifice our own happiness to make someone else happy. Her happiness, friendships and social life is up to her to take care of - it's not your responsibility. Yes, she may crash and burn if you leave, but you really need to put yourself first.

You say you love her very much. However, I'm wondering if you've ever given yourself permission to question your love for her. Thinking back to leaving my ex....I also used to say that I loved him very much. But the truth was that I had fallen out of love with him but hadn't acknowledged it to myself. Sometimes, acknowledging the fact that the love has gone can be one of the hardest things to do. It was the ease in which I moved on which proved to me that I truly didn't love him anymore.

At any rate, having a foul mood once a day would not be acceptable to most. I hope you realise that you deserve better.

For what it's worth, my ex did crash and burn when I left. But I soon met a wonderful man and we're still very happy together 20 years later. My ex is still in the same hole that he was in when I left. I feel sad for him, but I don't regret leaving for one moment. If anything, I regret not leaving sooner.

[michelle23]

You said at least 5times that you love her v much so let me ask you y? Can you write a list of all the good, the bad and the ugly.

How do you feel on a daily basis? A relationship should make you happy most of the time, if your miserable you should leave.

[basilandthyme]

Michelle is right: a relationship should make you happy most of the time.

And may I add that we're not talking about being happy most of the day. A good relationship doesn't have shitty parts each and every day

[michelle23]

Yes you should look forward to seeing her, get a little warm feeling that makes you smile when you think og her and you should be happy at least 95% of the timr.occasional disagreements are normal as well as some arguments

however if your anxious going to see her, worried about her mood, turned off being affection or sleeping with her coz you dont really like her personality and feel upset or angry at least once a day or even once aweek then it istime to get out.

Ill add b&t is right. Its not your fault if she has no life apart from you. Breaking up with her may just be the motivation she needs to go get one and if she ends up lonely and miserable coz she allows herself to wallow in self pity for the next 20years-that aint your fault either. Dont feel guilty

you never sacrifice your own long term happieness just to spare hers. You have to love yourself more and realize that you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy

[smackie9]

What you have done is just "settle" for 3 years. You will find better out there with no regret of losing her.

[Adviceplease123]

Yes you should look forward to seeing her, get a little warm feeling that makes you smile when you think og her and you should be happy at least 95% of the timr.occasional disagreements are normal as well as some arguments

however if your anxious going to see her, worried about her mood, turned off being affection or sleeping with her coz you dont really like her personality and feel upset or angry at least once a day or even once aweek then it istime to get out.

Ill add b&t is right. Its not your fault if she has no life apart from you. Breaking up with her may just be the motivation she needs to go get one and if she ends up lonely and miserable coz she allows herself to wallow in self pity for the next 20years-that aint your fault either. Dont feel guilty

you never sacrifice your own long term happieness just to spare hers. You have to love yourself more and realize that you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy

Thanks for the advice, do you think its a good idea to remian friends with her? I really have helped her develop friends over the past couple of months and feel like breaking up with her will just make her crash and burn. At the same time i know if i stay around her things will happen because i do and will for a long time still have feeling for her?

[michelle23]

No its a bad idea to stay friends. You will just hurt each other more and you wont be able to get over her.

Dont end it unless you are really sure thsts what you want. There are other options such as relationship counselling. If you think shes worth it try that first.

[basilandthyme]

Do not stay friends. It will just get complicated and messy....not to mention, staying friends will make it much harder to move on.

[Hightower]

I've been with a girl who had big mood swings. She was jealous over nothing, rude to people when we went out and standoffish even to my family. We dated a couple of years. She was also depressed and took anti-depressants which I didn't care for in the first place, but that's another topic for another day on mind altering drugs. Maybe she had a touch of bi-polar disorder, I don't know, but she was depressed and a very underrated aspect of depression is the stress the person closest to this person gets. It isn't easy and you've been together three years and it isn't getting any better. You have seen what your future is going to be like, and this is just simply who she is. You have to make the decision on whether or not you are settling or not. If you are ever in a relationship and you crave being with other people (and I mean actually in a relationship) then you need to get out while you still can, because a truly happy relationship makes you think you are with the best person in the world, not that there is someone better.

As a guy who witnessed a rollercoaster of emotions with his ex-girlfriend my best advice is to ask yourself if this was the girl you dreamed about all your life. It wasn't for me, that's why I left. Did you envision fighting and being miserable for parts of each day with someone?