Ex talking to her best friend about me, calls me?

[Pikeman85]

So I dated this girl for a few months. I ended it for fear of commitment, stupidly. She was sad about that. I was too.

Tried to get her back a month after we ended it. Almost did, but she was dating someone else (still is - FB official now). We looked into each other's eyes and I'm pretty sure she just wanted me to tell her I loved her, which I didn't do (I was scared).

We stop talking for a month (so it has now been almost 3 months since we ended it, 1 month since I tried, unsuccessfully to get her back), but she keeps posting friendly stuff on my Facebook.

I message her two days ago, telling her I'd still like to stay in contact.

She says that's really odd, she was just talking about me with her best friend, literally when I messaged her.

I ask her why (this is over Facebook). She says she'll call me in an hour.

She calls. We don't talk about anything in particular, not really even why her and her best friend were talking about me. She seemed nervous. I'm sure I was. We talked for a little less than an hour.

Why would she be talking about me? She said it was about the night that me, her and her best friend went out to a show (which was like 3 months ago now). It's the only time that I met her best friend. It just seemed random. She's still dating the other guy though.

Is this the start to a, "well, maybe we should think about getting back together" dialogue? Is it a, "Now we're going to try to become friends" - I couldn't place it.

The conversation was entirely just random stuff - we didn't even really talk about the reason she was supposedly calling me. I probably should have tried to make plans with her for coffee.

[smackie9]

Maybe she wants to fix you up with her friend since things didn't work out with her. Remember you only dated your ex for a couple of months...not much time to really invest feelings, and she has moved on since so I have a feeling this is why she would mention her friend. Just my take on it. It's possible that convo they were having was her friend showing an interest in you.

[Pikeman85]

Maybe she wants to fix you up with her friend since things didn't work out with her. Remember you only dated your ex for a couple of months...not much time to really invest feelings, and she has moved on since so I have a feeling this is why she would mention her friend. Just my take on it. It's possible that convo they were having was her friend showing an interest in you.

The friend is in a relationship (and has been for quite a while as far as I'm aware - longer than I've known either), so I'm pretty sure that's not the case.

I think we had strong feelings for each other, even in the absence of a large amount of time - I remember, the night I tried to get her back (a month ago, when she was dating the other guy, but not exclusively yet, but this was pretty close to the border of exclusivity with him, this is a month and a half after we broke up) - we started cuddling, we had a "moment" where we just stopped talking and looked at each other emotionally, we laid down in the same bed together and looked each other in the eyes and she asked me, "What are you thinking?" - I'm pretty sure she wanted me to tell her I loved her. She made a comment about how that must be something I don't say easily when I saw her a few weeks before that (a few weeks after the break up).

I screwed it up by telling her I wanted to kiss her, and I think she just thought I missed the sex, and not her.

That was two or three days before we stopped talking for the month.

I'm normally not someone to get attached - that's the problem here, I even warned her about that, but we just had this fantastic, amazing chemistry, unlike anyone else I've dated. I'm pretty sure she felt the same way. Her comments before we ended it certainly suggest that. She did not want it to end (and honestly, neither did I, but I felt I had to because I was afraid I'd hurt her).

I really liked this girl, and if she's really happy, I don't want to ruin her relationship. But if she's only so-so about the guy, and she'd like me more, I would love to have another chance with her.

I'm just wondering, why would she call me? Would a girl do that if she's just trying to become your friend again?

[basilandthyme]

Perhaps she was just gossiping about you.

What has changed to make another relationship with this girl work? You're scared of commitment and can't tell her you love her - doesn't bode well

[pcmaster]

Theres no maybe Pike. You know for 100% or get out of the way dont waste her time. Just stick with your decision and get lost really(Cant take the heat get out of the kichen). You hurt her, she turned her back on you and now shes okay dating other guys.

Follow her healty example and dont get stuck in the past.

Reminds me other topic. Maybe you could find yourself there. Pay attention to last post.

/threads/83114-Girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-and-then-told-me-she-loved-me

[Pikeman85]

Perhaps she was just gossiping about you.

What has changed to make another relationship with this girl work? You're scared of commitment and can't tell her you love her - doesn't bode well

Because I was terrified, took my time, and really thought everything over. I can tell her I love her - now, but that's not exactly helpful. This whole situation has made me want to grow up and change - I've applied to new jobs (even got one, for $7000 more a year, but I think I can do better), I've been working out every day for the past month more or less (I've taken three days off), I've stopped going out a ton - basically I realized that if I wasn't grown enough to be with this type of girl, then I wanted to change, and I would change, and so I have.

I'm not saying any of this lightly. I'm not willing to tell many girls I love them - the last was four years ago.

And she rebounded REALLY fast with this guy - while trying to make me jealous at first (when I was already sad and broken up about the fact that we weren't seeing each other).


So while I understand how someone could be skeptical, I really, really, really cared about this girl, and every once in a while, you meet a girl that you're willing to really change for.

[pcmaster]

Been in the same place man, bailed out at the moment when all I had to do is say how much I love her. Then got a better job with twice more money in it and was thinking it will help me get her back. But I realised its total BS cause she liked me the most when I didnt even had money for food. If I could do something diferent now then I would forget her much faster cause I knew her only for a month but suffered many months afterwards. And thats what Im suggesting you dude. Dont stay in danger zone. Just forgive and forget cause girls are coming and going. Yes she was fuel for you and now your heart is fcked but dont make it worse. Dont take the worst that love have to offer - pain. Just move one cause this dream is over but the best is yet to follow. Yes its hard especialy because she moved on so fast and proved what shes worth but in the end best you can do for her is be okay on your own.

[Pikeman85]

It's tough. I don't have any problem getting dates, I'm just extra picky with girls I really like. I have a date with a girl tomorrow, for example.

I told her to move on at the time (I felt I was doing her a favor, because I was terrified that I'd hurt her) so it's understandable that she would move on so fast.

She seems to be happy with this guy - she's constantly posting on Facebook with him, seems excited, etc. But then I message her and suddenly she was just talking with her best friend about me, and calls me almost immediately and talks about literally nothing, and seems incredibly nervous.

I'm thinking of inviting to meet her for coffee. My buddies told me that her call was a sure sign of interest and that I should have made plans with her that night.

I don't want to end a happy relationship if that's what she has, but I can't help but thinking that we had a chance for something absolutely fantastic. I've dated a lot of girls and I liked this one more than just about all of them.

[Crissyhee]

Honestly, maybe she's talking about you just to share stories. My advice is leave her and her relaionship. You appearing back in her life like that may get you all happy, but it may not for her boyfriend and her. You have the potential to ruin their relationship.
Just learn to let go. She's hurt when you broke up, and coming back like this will make her more confused of who to choose. Think, what if her last choice is the boyfriend? You'll suffer so much more than this. Ive dated a guy for 2 months, he broke up withbthe same reason as you and till now even he's moving on, it still hurts me to the bone. Trust me, do not chase her again. It'll hurt you more than it is now.

[Crissyhee]

Trust me. What you feel may not be how she feels. Don't commit suicide, pike. An honest advice from a girl who got dped for the same reason you told her. One of the thing that girls hurt most is when a guy told her that he's not ready to commit. It's like throwing a girl's rare pride down deep.

[Pikeman85]

Trust me. What you feel may not be how she feels. Don't commit suicide, pike. An honest advice from a girl who got dped for the same reason you told her. One of the thing that girls hurt most is when a guy told her that he's not ready to commit. It's like throwing a girl's rare pride down deep.

I don't see why saying, "I'll hurt you, you should date someone else who won't hurt you" would hurt a girl's pride - it's a selfless gesture because you care about the girl SO MUCH you're willing to put her own happiness above your own. Just because I realized after that I was, in fact, ready to commit (and this wasn't a light decision) changed things didn't mean that I didn't REALLY care about her. She just seemed to want to be on marriage track ASAP and that scared the hell out of me.

The girl is literally that good that you're willing to hurt yourself, in order to spare her feelings in the long run.

It isn't like I've really been dating since then (a few dates here or there), even though I've had plenty of options. I've been sad pretty much since day 1.

It just seems like she was making an excuse to call me.

[pcmaster]

Ofcourse man. Its just a stupid call. Nothing more. You shouldnt be bothered with it in first place. You dated just for a few months = what kind of marriage you are talking about? Its not like she proposed you or even condesed. You are fantazising too much about her. Is this is your miost serious GF you ever had, how old are you? Why are you acting so stupid?

[Pikeman85]

I'm saying SHE kept talking about marriage, and saying things like, "You should know after you've dated for 6 months whether you want to marry someone". - the last time we had that discussion was a few weeks after we ended it.

It sorta freaked me out. I really liked the girl, but she seemed to want to move REALLY quickly (I think she's feeling pressure from her family). I'm explaining why I ended things with her - why I was scared and felt I'd hurt her if I dated her.

[smackie9]

If a girl is pushing for marriage that early in a relationship I would be running for the hills too. And if her family is all over it, you most definitely dodged a bullet. It's obviously you both have different expectations. You just wanted a GF and maybe a few years of more down the road if everything is good you might consider marriage (the proper way IMO), and here she is racing to the alter only after dating for 6 months. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. I commend you on your decision to bolt. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Obviously this didn't feel right to you, and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm totally behind you 100%.

[Pikeman85]

She wasn't pushing for marriage - that was what I thought initially too.

She seemed like she wanted to move quickly, but she clarified it towards the end, explaining that she just felt you should have an idea, after about 6 months, whether someone was "marriage material".

Honestly, my thoughts are that she's not even ready for that level of commitment, she was just talking about it to either scare me off or get me to commit.

I feel I'm explaining this whole situation with this girl poorly.

I believe she and I are on the same page on what we want out of a relationship. I feel we're both crappy at expressing that, at least to each other - in my view, because we really, really liked each other. I've gone on dates with well over 100 girls. I'm not new at this.

The chemistry was strongest with this one.

Normally, I just get over a girl, and move on to the next one. As I said - I don't have trouble getting dates, hell, I have one in like 4 or 5 hours. But this girl was different. And I think she felt the same way about me. And maybe still does, if that call is any indication.