To love or to be loved, what to choose?

[Love-sick]

I don't know why, but I have the following thing that happens many times. If I am very attracted to someone, I become shy and I tend to do everything wrong. If I am in love, it's even worse. But if I am not so attracted or so interested, then, it usually goes well. So what tends to happen is that either a) I have a crush on someone impossible and I do everything wrong and she ends up hating me, or b) that someone falls in love with me but that I do not love (although I may like).

In fact this happened recently. A few months ago there was this girl, and she seemed interested at first, and I was not shy and I invited her out and she even said yes. But then I fell in love too soon, and so I started to become shy and clumsy, and so she ended up losing interest and eventually didn't even want to talk to me anymore. What did I do wrong? I think I was too impatient. Or too much in love too soon, before we even did anything, and that scared her away.

Then not much time later, I met another girl, we went out and everything went right, and she wants a relationship, problem is, I was and am not in love with her, but now she is in love with me. So it seems it I have to choose either to love or to be loved, but not both at the same time. What is better? I think that to be loved, because loving someone who does not reciprocate at all and don't even want to be friends is a bit sad, sometimes.

(In fact this whole story upset me so much that I am trying to make a documentary about love, to find out what it is, if anyone is interested t know more, send me a message.) Thanks.

[KellB]

aaaaah I have experienced the same in really fancying the pants off someone who clearly doesn't feel the same and then having someone fancy you after a date that you don't feel you have fireworks with I am of the opinion that you shouldn't settle and that the right one will still come where you both feel blown away and in love .... I hope that I am right !!

As for your nerves when you do fancy a girl I would just say .. chill ... if you are a naturally anxious person then thats you, don't worry too much, but to a certain extent try to work on relaxing consciously a little until it comes more naturally. If its a dinner date and having a glass of wine would take the edge off then I don't think that there is anything wrong with that, and surely as you get into the date and go on more you would relax more and not feel that you act in a way that is not a true reflection of yourself.

You do want to use the first date to show the best parts of yourself, so relax and find a way to enjoy what you are doing instead of focusing too much on what the other person may be thinking of you to the extent of acting in a way that is not you.

I hope u manage to master that ... good luck and I look fwd to hearing more re your research you are doing on the topic !! xx

[Love-sick]

Thank you KeliB! Yes, I don't know why it's always more difficult, maybe I fall for the wrong persons? It's frustrating sometimes. And I also think I sometimes fall in love too soon, that's not good. But it doesn't happen all the time, it has been a long time since the last time I had a crush on someone like that. Now I am looking again for someone that I can like but who could also like me, who knows. maybe it will happen.

My documentary project, I cannot post links yet, you can search for a film project called "Crush" at the Kickstarter site.