Should I tell my friend that his boyfriend has an affair?

[pflaumenkuchen]

Hello everybody,

I have the following Problem:

We invited my friend and her boyfriend to dinner las weekend. She is a very good friend, we used to hang out a lot.

After dinner his boyfriend asked me to check his emails on my computer and I said "sure".

He went to the computer in the other room. What he did not know is that I always have "***** Keylogger" installed on my computer, the monitoring software from****spam***** that secretely records every password and chat conversation that is typed on my computer.

That is how I was shocked to learn, that he actually did log into Facebook to send a message to a woman. You could learn from the chat history that the woman was someone he is having an affair with.

Now I dont know if I should tell my friend this story. On one hand nobody likes bringing bad messages. Officially I should not know the truth and the method I used to get the information is not ok...

On the other hand I would expect from my friend that she tells me, if she were to know something about my boyfriend.

I dont know what to do, can you give me advice?

Thank you

[michelle23]

If you are 100% sure that he is having an affair and you have proof then yes i would tell her the truth. Do you have proof that you can show her? The info is worthless without proof and it will just be your word against his which will hurt and confuse her more

if you have no proof-find proof first if your gonna tell her.

[pcmaster]

I wouldnt bother. In the end of the day its nobodys bussines and you risk more than you gain. What can you gain from it at all?

[michelle23]

Ill just add. A family friend got an anonymous message on FB saying your husband is having an affair. It was a fake account set up under a false name. She has no idea who sent it but whoever it was-was telling the truth. She kicked him out and a few weeks later she found out he was also in huge debt, had been lying to her for years-she lost her home, kids went into care and she couldnt even buy food.

Shes okay now, so are the kids. Apparantly people he owes money to are after him. I hope they torture the bastard

[michelle23]

I wouldnt bother. In the end of the day its nobodys bussines and you risk more than you gain. What can you gain from it at all?

Nobody deserves to live a lie. Id rather know the truth. Its not about gaining-its about being a good friend

[pcmaster]

Who will want to destroy something that he never build? If my friend would say me my GF cheats on me he wouldnt be my friend anymore thats for sure. Its humiliating to hear it from someone else and the huge pain followed will associate with him. I wouldnt forget that but would be mad if someone knew the truth but wouldnt tell.

Quess its best act like you dont know anything. Its really no good to know too much, especial stuff thats not your stuff.

Anonymous message is only reasonable option. But I still wouldnt do it. Thats just unnatural way how to change someones else relationship. I realy thing its better to live in a lie as long as partner is enought good for you.

[smackie9]

Mind your own business because bringing this news will taint your friendship as well. It doesn't sound fair but you will be a reminder of his infidelity. Don't worry, this affair will be discovered sooner or later.


PC is right what you could so instead is send an anonymous letter with a printout of the FB conversation.

[smackie9]

Also to add you never know that they might have an open relationhsip they don't want other people, family and close friends to know about.

[Maple1714]

Don't tell your friend...nothing good can come of it. The truth always has a way of coming out in the end if it's meant to. You were spying and snooping, which is the same as lying really...and he is lying...blah forget it.

But, what you could potentially do is somehow go over to their house or somehow get his FB page left open on a device where she can go snoop if she wants to. Open the door slightly and see if the truth is found! Everyone gets hurt in situations like this...I'm sorry your friends BF is a douchey liar. If they don't have children together he should just break up with her!

[Wakeup]

Sounds like a thread started to advertise the snooping software. Do you have personal stock in this company?

Just incase this isn't just spam:

On the other hand I would expect from my friend that she tells me, if she were to know something about my boyfriend.

So: before you do anything, why don't you tell your friend that if she ever knew your bf was cheating you'd want her to tell you and then ask her would she want the same courtesy. If she says "yes" then tell her. If she says nothing then you say nothing either. If she says "no" then don't tell her. If you know HIM well, tell him what you know and let them deal with it themselves in the privacy of their own decisions as a couple.

[smackie9]

I thought about mentioning it to the cheating bf BUT he could easily erase all the evidence and deny everything.

[H.K Wong]

Tell the woman whom he chatted that he is in a relationship with others.She will no doubt ask him to make the decision.

[michelle23]

instead is send an anonymous letter with a printout of the FB conversation.

I second this. Don't risk sabotaging your friendship coz he could try and make you out to be a liar. If it were me, I would send an anonymous letter or FB message. I think everyone deserves the truth. It is so wrong to live a lie thinking everything is fine-when its not. Sleeping beside a stranger thinking you can trust this person with your life when you cant. That is far more humiliating IMO than finding out the truth.

I know a girl who gets laughed at and called a fool by people coz her bf acts like a single man when he is out drinking without her. Half the town gossips and its so cruel and wrong that she thinks hes the perfect man when hes treating her like dirt. I dont know her that well so I just mind my own business but I know she is a lovely person and really beautiful. She deserves better and I hope she does find out.