My girlfriend kissed another guy...

[VincenzoG91]

She admitted to a kiss. Truth is, she probably ****ed him. Whatever decision you make, you should make it as if she admitted to having sex with him.

People do this all the time. **** someone then admit to a kiss to alleviate the guilt.

I agree. Her apologies have been so extensive and over the top that I think she actually gave that dude a blowjob.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I know you're probably trolling but just for arguments sake lets assume you are serious.

That points to your own insecurity and paranoia more than anything.

I wasn't trolling. I've seen it here and IRL time and time again. You've been here two weeks..just keep your eyes peeled.

I'm actually not insecure at all. Since the end of my first relationship, I've never had any fear of losing a woman. The women in my life are free to come and go as they please without obstruction from me. I never question their whereabouts, who they talk to, or how they feel about me. I'm successful with enough going on in my life that it's not hard to find another. Any woman is lucky to have me.

[Anonymously_]

I wasn't trolling. I've seen it here and IRL time and time again. You've been here two weeks..just keep your eyes peeled.

I'm actually not insecure at all. Since the end of my first relationship, I've never had any fear of losing a woman. The women in my life are free to come and go as they please without obstruction from me. I never question their whereabouts, who they talk to, or how they feel about me. I'm successful with enough going on in my life that it's not hard to find another. Any woman is lucky to have me.

It happens, I never said it didn't but how is you saying that helping anyone?

Guess what... that is an insecurity, you are an insecure person, dress it however you want. If a girlfriend kissed another guy, you have just literally told everyone that you're going to think it was a lot more and you obviously let your experience cloud your judgement when giving advice.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It happens, I never said it didn't but how is you saying that helping anyone?

Guess what... that is an insecurity, you are an insecure person, dress it however you want. If a girlfriend kissed another guy, you have just literally told everyone that you're going to think it was a lot more and you obviously let your experience cloud your judgement when giving advice.

Experience clouding judgement is somewhat of an oxymoron. The alternative would be ignoring facts and not learning from experience...which is the fastest way to repeat mistakes. Cheaters lying about the details of their cheating is not insecurity, it's common sense.

I do think my advice was helpful, because the way she's acting is strange to me, and it is not uncommon at all for someone to admit to something lesser only to come out later with something worse. He clearly doesn't know the girl as well as he thought he did.

I'm perfectly secure with myself. Secure enough to drop someone who cheats on me for sure.

[michelle23]

OP you say this girl is v shy? Is she also v insecure? If yes then she will likely continue to cheat.
She made a decision to kiss him, she wanted to and she did. Its up to you whether you forgive her or not but there is no excuse for what she did so dont listen to any excuses.

Ask her "did anything else happen with this guy" and let me know her reaction. Ill tell you if shes lying or not

[Anonymously_]

Experience clouding judgement is somewhat of an oxymoron. The alternative would be ignoring facts and not learning from experience...which is the fastest way to repeat mistakes. Cheaters lying about the details of their cheating is not insecurity, it's common sense.

I do think my advice was helpful, because the way she's acting is strange to me, and it is not uncommon at all for someone to admit to something lesser only to come out later with something worse. He clearly doesn't know the girl as well as he thought he did.

I'm perfectly secure with myself. Secure enough to drop someone who cheats on me for sure.

What lol? Where did I say anything to the contrary of the part in bold? You've literally just picked one part of my reply and turned it into something totally different A cheater minimising their cheating would be common sense and actually getting away with it would be pretty smart, but I didn't say otherwise, I actually said that if one of your girlfriends cheated on you by just kissing another guy, you would assume that she ****ed him in some grotty alleyway or something... that is insecurity.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What lol? Where did I say anything to the contrary of the part in bold? You've literally just picked one part of my reply and turned it into something totally different A cheater minimising their cheating would be common sense and actually getting away with it would be pretty smart, but I didn't say otherwise, I actually said that if one of your girlfriends cheated on you by just kissing another guy, you would assume that she ****ed him in some grotty alleyway or something... that is insecurity.

What you said was two sentences long, what else was I supposed to address? You said my experience was clouding my judgement, so I addressed that statement. Being suspicious of someone admitting to cheating is not insecurity, it's suspicion based on facts...the opposite of insecurity.

I wouldn't assume she did, but there's no way to really know, so I'd deal with it as if were the worst case. To me, kissing another guy and ****ing him in a grotty alleyway are the same anyway so it wouldn't really matter. They both show a lack of interest, and that's all I need to be gone. I'm an extremist in all aspects of life, not just this. Like I said, I'm secure enough to know there are plenty of other women out there. I've also never been cheated on, to my knowledge or suspicion.

Just because you're okay with your girl kissing other people occasionally, doesn't make me insecure for not being okay with it, nor would I be for dealing with it as something more. Insecurity would be staying with her and making a bunch of rules, and constantly questioning her.

We can agree to disagree if you'd like, but your argument holds no water.

[Anonymously_]

What you said was two sentences long, what else was I supposed to address? You said my experience was clouding my judgement, so I addressed that statement. Being suspicious of someone admitting to cheating is not insecurity, it's suspicion based on facts...the opposite of insecurity.

I wouldn't assume she did, but there's no way to really know, so I'd deal with it as if were the worst case. To me, kissing another guy and ****ing him in a grotty alleyway are the same anyway so it wouldn't really matter. They both show a lack of interest, and that's all I need to be gone. Like I said, I'm secure enough to know there are plenty of other women out there. I've also never been cheated on, to my knowledge or suspicion.

Don't try and pass it of as a fact that in the majority of cases, it turns out to be more. It might be fact to you, but your experiences are mainly drawn from an online relationship advice forum where people are discussing cheating daily when the actual fact is that it's a tinyyyy proportion of people who cheat that try to minimise what actually happened; your suspicions aren't based on fact, they're based on your own insecurity.

The part in bold is where we agree

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't try and pass it of as a fact that in the majority of cases, it turns out to be more. It might be fact to you, but your experiences are mainly drawn from an online relationship advice forum where people are discussing cheating daily when the actual fact is that it's a tinyyyy proportion of people who cheat that try to minimise what actually happened; your suspicions aren't based on fact, they're based on your own insecurity.

The part in bold is where we agree

I'm friends with two couples who have cheated on each other(both parties in each relationship cheated). I know for a fact that each lied about the actual level of cheating. You tell me not to pass it as fact that it turns out to be more in most cases, and then in the same breathe you use your own conjecture to in the exact same manner, except you actually declare your opinion to be fact. I'm curious as to how you know what you claim is fact??

My suspicion is actually based on fact. The fact that I have known several people who have cheated and lied about it, and can't think of any who have told the whole truth. Please explain how that is not based on fact. It is based on things that actually happened, how does that not meet the definition of "based on fact". Also, please explain how your assertion is "the actual fact", when you've provided nothing to support it. I would really love to know how you know that "it's a tinyyyy proportion of people who cheat that try to minimise what actually happened". Go ahead..explain. I would love to know the facts that your argument is based on.

[Anonymously_]

I'm friends with two couples who have cheated on each other(both parties in each relationship cheated). I know for a fact that each lied about the actual level of cheating. You tell me not to pass it as fact that it turns out to be more in most cases, and then in the same breathe you use your own conjecture to in the exact same manner, except you actually declare your opinion to be fact. I'm curious as to how you know what you claim is fact??

My suspicion is actually based on fact. The fact that I have known several people who have cheated and lied about it, and can't think of any who have told the whole truth. Please explain how that is not based on fact. Also, please explain how your assertion is "the actual fact", when you've provided nothing to support it.

Ok, lets use a tinyyyyyyyyy sample size and assert that the same is true for everyone and THEN pass it off as fact. I have known the grand total of 2 people that have cheated and haven't minimised their role, which makes it a fact. Yes I am being sarcastic.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ok, lets use a tinyyyyyyyyy sample size and assert that the same is true for everyone and THEN pass it off as fact. I have known the grand total of 2 people that have cheated and haven't minimised their role, which makes it a fact. Yes I am being sarcastic.

I did not assert that my suspicion was fact. It is based on facts. A fact is a piece of irrefutable evidence. It is irrefutable that these 4 people all cheated and lied about it, while none told the whole truth. Those are facts which my suspicion is based on, and not the only ones either, just the closest to me. I still see absolutely zero support for your argument that only a tiny percentage minimize what they've done.

[Stickleback]

I'm friends with two couples who have cheated on each other(both parties in each relationship cheated). I know for a fact that each lied about the actual level of cheating. You tell me not to pass it as fact that it turns out to be more in most cases, and then in the same breathe you use your own conjecture to in the exact same manner, except you actually declare your opinion to be fact. I'm curious as to how you know what you claim is fact??

My suspicion is actually based on fact. The fact that I have known several people who have cheated and lied about it, and can't think of any who have told the whole truth. Please explain how that is not based on fact. It is based on things that actually happened, how does that not meet the definition of "based on fact". Also, please explain how your assertion is "the actual fact", when you've provided nothing to support it. I would really love to know how you know that "it's a tinyyyy proportion of people who cheat that try to minimise what actually happened". Go ahead..explain. I would love to know the facts that your argument is based on.

What evidence do you have that THIS girl has done anything more than she has admitted to?

None. Therefore your accusations are wholly off base.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I have no evidence, that's why my original post said "probably". It's based on observation of others who exhibit similar behavior in similar situations.

[Maple1714]

Blah...why argue about this? You both will never agree.

A lot of people cheat! A lot! I am always surprised sometimes at the ones that end up cheating. There really is nothing wrong at all in wanting to kiss someone else or F*** them...the lying is what's wrong. The way our world is set up (in most christian based/western cultures) monogamy rules...that is what's ingrained in our brains from birth. This is what we are conditioned to do. And it's a damn hard commitment to uphold! So, people feel their only way to experience a connection with someone else outside their main union is to cheat. When people confess any lie, they almost always try and downplay what they lied about...that's just human nature.

This poster has a hard situation at hand. He loves this girl...probably his first love. She being just 21 is naturally curious about who else is out there and curious about what it would be like to be with someone else physically. I doubt she f-ed the other dude, but it's true a kiss, an emotional affair, sex...it's all the same. This incident was a sign of uncertainty on the girls part. She should be forgiven, but she needs to be more honest about why she felt the urge to kiss the other dude. It's hardest to be honest with ourselves. What she did isn't a big deal in my opinion...it was natural. The big deal here is that the OP now knows she is uncertain and curious, and he has to decided to walk away or not. These 2 young people have just been presented with their first real lesson in romantic relationships!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

We don't have to agree. I just want this cocksucker to stop being such a hypocrite and back up his claims. Now that I've shut him down with nothing but logic, he wants to deflect with sarcastic taunts.