First time I've gone No contact, is it working?

[jamesbond007]

Hi all - please advise me!

I just found this site today, and it seems like it has a good community spirit.

I'm from Ireland, I met a girl in Australia 8 years ago, she was from the uk. We went out over there for 3 months, and kept a long distance thing going for a year when we both came home. We would visit eachother every other time.

We then basically lost touch as we had different lives at that time and decided to be friends. We got back in touch about 2 years ago and decided to give things another shot. We met up and although it had been 6 years, it really felt like nothing had changed. We rekindled everything and it was better than ever. I had planned on moving over there but unfortunately got sick and had a pretty big operation and had to remain here for another 6 months.

At the start of this year, things went downhill. To cut to the chase, we were texting everyday, her in uk, me in Ireland. A guy asked her out and she told me, she didnt want to go but it did make me jealous and paranoid and all that crazy stuff that truthfully isn't me, but nevertheless I became subject to it.

From there, they really got out of hand and we had a lot of fights. This was all done over the phone and via text message or facebook. I told her I was moving over there and wanted to start a relationship, she said it was too much pressure and just wanted to meet as friends and that we didnt spend enough time together to start something immediately... ironically i know that's correct now...

Cut to the chase... she deleted me off whatsapp and I then deleted her off facebook, which as you can imagine didnt go down too well. She text me about a month ago saying "that's it, I want to be friends from now on, its best for both of us, i cant do this emotionally anymore, the fun is gone".

It's funny because before even reading or hearing of the "no contact rule" i actually knew to invoke it. I text her and said "The fun is gone, but Im selfish as I needed that wake up call to get the fun guy I once was back again".

Now I know that was a mistake to tell her what I was actually doing but I did. She text and said "you've had such a hard year, you're very special x" and I didnt reply.

I sent her a card and wrote I'm happy to be friends and she didn't acknowledge. That was 19 days ago... I cant believe I have managed to not text her considering we used to text 100 times a day, every day for years!

So, my question is this: I have and still currently am using the No Contact time to be a new man. I feel great about myself again. The paranoia is gone, the jealousy is gone and I do feel a lot more relaxed towards her, but has she moved on? She always said she couldnt just turn off her emotions like a lightswitch, but she literally has no idea what I am doing or up to. I basically have fallen off the face of the planet as far as she's now concerned. My sister is connected to her on Facebook and I asked her was she up to much and she said not really, just out with her friends the odd time.

Will she ever come back to me? I know I'm not fully there yet with the no contact thing, as I have to get to a stage where I don't care if she comes back, right? But I partly still hope the fact that I don't contact her will make her contact me. I really am moving over there in 2 months time, will I wait until then to contact her? I've seen some PUA people saying to contact them after 3/4 weeks saying that "they were right and you're happy being friends, it would be a shame to let that go"

I'd be very grateful to hear any replies. Thank you

PS Sorry for the long email, I'm not quite sure how long they're meant to be ",)

[smackie9]

Seems to me she wanted it to end. Sometimes a relationship just runs it's course and then that's it. I think you are feeling much better because you two are not together anymore.....maybe it's a healthier choice is to just move on with your life.

[jamesbond007]

Hey Smackie,

Thanks for the reply. If that is the case, now that I'm completely not contacting her, does that not mean that she will inevitably come back? Want what you can't have etc?

Cheers

[smackie9]

I can't say she won't but I wouldn't hold onto too much hope. When they throw the "lets be friends" card at ya you are pretty much done IMO. What is your gut telling you?

[Ginger2013]

I think that the "no contact" idea should be used for those who are moving on from a relationship. Hope this doesn't offend, but it sounds like you're trying to manipulate her feelings into wanting you again? Doesn't sound right to me, but that's just my opinion.