mixed signals....

[dsg123]

Hi,
Some opinions would be appreciated- I can't make sense of a girl I've been seeing....

Been seeing each other almost 3 months, everything was great, spending quality time together and apart, all seemed well. She goes away For a week, and comes back a bit distant - I put this down to stress and maybe wanting some space to get back to normal. After more cold treatment we had a talk where she admitted she felt she'd moved too fast, and hadn't gave herself enough personal time. I kind of saw her point having that she was very independent before me, so we agreed we wouldnt expect to spend every spare moment together - a date couplke of date nights went well. But it just seems like she's hot and cold with me, not texting back, not making any time to see me. But then if I do see her she'll hug me unprompted, cares if I'm off doing something, making sure I'm OK?
I almost feel like I've suffocated her? But I've been conscious not too, because I know she has commitment issues, so most plans made have been initiated by her - I'm conscious that I can run too fast with a good thing - but I'm certain I have not with her. I'm pretty caught up with her, but this treatment is really doing my head in - and I feel I just want to know if she isn't ready to continue rather that mind reading all the time and waiting round for some positive signals. At the same time I don't wanna appear pathetic and possibly blow it?
Opinions please :-)

[Ginger2013]

You've been seeing each other 3 months so you should be able to be honest with her and ask her what's up. Being honest and wanting to know why she's hot and cold, not texting back or making time to see you isn't pathetic. Everyone has a right to be happy, and if you need more attention from her, there's nothing wrong with that. Do you suspect she met someone else during this week away? Maybe she's juggling a few guys at the same time, sounds like it to me since she claims to have commitment issues.

[dsg123]

Hey, thanks. I suppose its always a possibility, although the time we've spent together and the attention she's gave me made me pretty certain that wasn't the case. Although now that's died down a bit I suppose its easy to jump to conclusions. I suppose it speaks volumes when she doesn't even give me a quick text - its been 24 hours, yeah I get that people have lives and other things going on, but if your into someone then at some point they cross you mind enough just to say 'hey'? I was pretty cautious about not letting myself fall for her, but things were going great and I kind of have. I know some people just don't work out, but it still makes you feel crappy when your emotionally invested in someone and they stop reciprocating. I promised myself I'd give her three strikes to blow me out, today is two having not heard from her after sending two neutral 'hi' type texts.

[Ginger2013]

24 hours is too long for her not to make contact, especially since you initiated by saying "hi" to her. It's easy to promise yourself you won't fall for a person, but it just happens. I fall easily so my heart has been broken countless times over the last year or so, but I bounce back every time. Don't settle for someone who thinks it's okay to ignore you!

[dsg123]

Thanks. I know, the signals are very clear. Its just tough to accept that someone who you've had an amazing time with suddenly changes tact, especially when she set the pace. I almost don't want to accept its probably 99% doomed, I keep making excuses why she may not have texted - but unless she's got a major emergency going on there just isn't any excuse is there? Suppose i Just have to accept its a red flag and be strong.

[Ginger2013]

Let me tell you something. Last year I dated a lot of guys, mainly casually since nothing led to a relationship. I met one guy, we texted a lot, talked on the phone and made plans to go to dinner. We were to meet at a restaurant. I hadn't heard from him the date-day, but still went to the restaurant where he never showed up. I sent a worried text, thinking maybe he got into an accident, he never replied. The next evening, he sent me a text saying he'd been in the hospital, low iron levels made him collapse at work so he couldn't make our date. He was in and out, so he couldn't contact me, he even showed me the hospital papers and his prescriptions. He was very eager to take me to dinner again and kept a good communication going after that. He and I never clicked, besides the point, but I'm just giving you an example because this was someone who REALLY had a major emergency going on since he showed me proof and tried his best to make it up to me.

Yeah, you're making excuses because you have hope that she's not lost interest. We often ignore red flags because we don't want to accept the hurtful truth.

[xoRubyxo]

Hey, I was recently in the same boat with my now ex boyfriend. Always an excuse not to contact me, or put effort into making time for me. Even though we only saw each other once a week. I thought the same things as you. I blamed myself for his bad behavior. Anyone who truly cares about you will want to put in the effort, and at least make contact. Stop responding to her, and see how she reacts.