Updated Update

[namemyname]

This is like the saga that just won't end. lol

So, back to the guy, his out of state whatever, and me. As reported earlier, I scrapped meeting, only because he seemed like a hot mess heaving rebounding. We had NC since FRI, until yesterday, when he started texting me again.

He was a little hostile, accusing me of talking about him with some people on the sports website, and acted like a jealous boy, saying things like, "oh, I see you've been talking to your BOYFRIEND so and so about me, because he's been rude to my posts since MON." Um, no. I told him I had not discussed him with anyone on there (truth), and that his secret was safe with me, and anything that transpired would stay in the vault, and his girl would never be the wiser. I then told him that I wanted to thank him for what happened (or didn't - lol), because it made me reconsider the guy I was dating before I started talking to him, and that I was hopeful for a reconciliation, and said that he was not my friend, my lover, nor my problem, as my focus was now the former paramour. He then wanted to talk, and started asking me more about me going back with him. Now, this is all truth about talking again with the other guy, but I admit, I probably made it sound more intense, just because I was tired of his push/pull crap.

Anyhow, I get this email from him last night, and I'm excerpting part, for brevity, as he wrote a VERY long email:

Hey Name,

I wanted to write you and tell you everything that was running through my head. Writing this while it's still fresh and before too much time has passed is important. Also, I want to preface this with I'm not trying to string you along, I don't have other motives, and I'm writing from the heart and being as genuine as I can be. I swear on my children's lives this isn't just a bunch of bullshit for some kind of angle.

I knew I had crossed over into a place where feelings were starting to develop with you, and I couldn't uphold my end of the bargain. I cared about you and I knew there was a possibility of hurting you at that point, because we were chatting a lot, feeling the chemistry and making plans to meet up for drinks. I know in my heart that we were both going to see each other romantically, and it would be game over.

The reason I am telling you this isn't to try to save face for myself, but I wonder if you truly realize how special you are. I think you know you're unique, but maybe not as much as you should. I've never met someone like you. We have the same political ideals and you love politics, that's so rare in a female. You stand up for your ideas and aren't afraid to take on people even on race, also rare for a female. You're smart, sexy and wildly attractive; I can only imagine how amazing the sex must be and have had a glimpse into it. You're into sports, and can pretty much hang with your significant other like a bro. You're logical, but spiritual, you are a good communicator, you're like a dream come true. That is the temptation that was before me and I've never come close to giving into a temptation until I met you. You've said I'm not emotionally available, but I am emotionally available and I know myself better than most people will ever know themselves. I spend a lot of time reflecting on life, my feelings about things, and playing out scenarios in my head. The problem is that my emotions belonged to someone else.

I came to a few conclusions from our situation on Friday and over the weekend. The first was if I was willing to try and back away from something I knew could be great(you); I must really care about the girl I'm with. I know you've said that I never would have talked to you in the first place, but I can't take that back. I didn't know what I was in for when we first started talking or how the chemistry between us would grow so fast. All I know is that I care about her and I can't break her heart. We haven't said I love you, but we are both in too deep. I decided I would move to Colorado her state to be closer to her. I found a place nearby, and will be moving there September 1st.

I really hope you are wrong about my relationship not working out. Not just because it would be a waste of time and emotions, but I would hate to think I missed out on an opportunity with you as well. Sometimes timing is everything and in this case it just came down to timing. I could look back on this some day and kick myself, but I hope that doesn't happen.

I hope your relationship works out and that you get everything you need. It's hard to imagine that you aren't married, I know you don't really want to get married, but I think it's crazy that a guy wouldn't want to make sure you are completely off the market. You're like the wife of a power couple that everyone admires when you walk into a room.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you these things and I hope you take them positively and even though we don't see eye to eye on all of it I still care about you and think you are amazing. I can't believe we haven't even met in person, jesus it's a really good thing we didn't.

Take care and I'll probably send you a message on the website occasionally just to see how life is treating you as long as you are ok with that.


????

I have to mention, a week ago when he was complaining about a LDR, I told him he should just move there and be with her. He said, "whoa, no way am I ready for anything like that. I have no desire to live in her state, so if it doesn't work out, I'd leave in a second, and come back here. I just got here, and I love it."

Also, he moved here as a knee-jerk when he found out his fiancé cheated, and moved here within weeks. This seems to be his pattern.

I guess I'm posting, NOT because I want to be with him, I don't - he's seriously a hot mess, (and I really want things to work with the old guy ) and IMO, rebounding all over the place. but more because I am not the type to react like this, and it seems so erratic. Do people really move to another state to "date" someone they met in person 5 weeks ago, and have not even exchanged I LOVE YOU's with?? Do they do that after they described almost meeting their "dream girl"? Personally, if I dated a guy that briefly and he moved to my state to be near be, I'd be freaked out.

A friend thinks he's making this up, and trying to get a reaction out of me.

[basilandthyme]

namemyname, it's far easier to keep track of the story if you continue on your old thread. See, to respond to this, I have to go search out your other threads......

[searock]

you love politics, that's so rare in a female.

You stand up for your ideas and aren't afraid to take on people even on race, also rare for a female.

Um, wtf? *massive eyeroll*

we haven't even met in person

...

Okay so he's a sexist "hot mess" grown man that talks about feelings for a person he's never even met and who is unable to take a decision and keep it for more than a week... why on earth are you still wasting your time even just thinking about him? So what if he's looking for a reaction out of you - this would just add "immature game-player" to the list. Just tell him "I understand, I wish you the best, good bye :-)" and delete his contact, forget about him.

[smackie9]

I don't need the old thread I do remember this one.....this guy is a nut job IMO and you just dodged a bullet.

He sent you that email in hopes to keep you on a string if something doesn't work out. If it doesn't work out, don't respond to any of his texts or emails.

[namemyname]

Um, wtf? *massive eyeroll*



...

Okay so he's a sexist "hot mess" grown man that talks about feelings for a person he's never even met and who is unable to take a decision and keep it for more than a week... why on earth are you still wasting your time even just thinking about him? So what if he's looking for a reaction out of you - this would just add "immature game-player" to the list. Just tell him "I understand, I wish you the best, good bye :-)" and delete his contact, forget about him.

No, the race comment was that some people were making racist comments on our forum, and I jumped in and squashed it. That's all.

Oh, I haven't responded, Sea, and I have no plans to. Honestly, after I wished him well last FRI, I thought we were done. That was my intention. lol

I really am a person who likes to understand human behavior. For the most part, I get it, but when I meet someone like this, that behaves so contrary to what I would do, I want to figure it out. Helps to know this "type" in the future.

[namemyname]

I don't need the old thread I do remember this one.....this guy is a nut job IMO and you just dodged a bullet.

He sent you that email in hopes to keep you on a string if something doesn't work out. If it doesn't work out, don't respond to any of his texts or emails.

Yep, yep.

I agree he's just tragic right now, and sadly, doesn't even see that. He thinks moving there to be close to her to "date", a place he has no desire to live in, separate from her, is a good idea and wouldn't "hurt her", even though they've never said I LOVE YOU???

I have a hard time seeing it work out, but ya, I would want nothing to do with him in the future. Who behaves like this, really? Is this what rebounders do??

I tend to not want to date AT ALL after a breakup. I dunno.

[namemyname]

namemyname, it's far easier to keep track of the story if you continue on your old thread. See, to respond to this, I have to go search out your other threads......

It's OK, Basil. The rest is so tedious, I figured if someone remembered it, they would respond, otherwise, didn't want to bother anyone to go back that far. lol

[searock]

No, the race comment was that some people were making racist comments on our forum, and I jumped in and squashed it. That's all.

In what way is what you did "rare for a female"? (rhetorical question, just to show he is sexist)

Oh, I haven't responded, Sea, and I have no plans to.

Good. Proceed to delete and block his contact then, you don't need any more of his crap.

Helps to know this "type" in the future.

I would like to hope that his isn't a "type" at all - it's just him. If you want to find common denominators with other guys that act similarly to him, try immaturity, insecurity, attention-seeking, egocentrism, emotional shallowness, etc... all negative traits that can be found in other "types" as well, and that should always be seen as red flags and deal breakers.

[namemyname]

In what way is what you did "rare for a female"? (rhetorical question, just to show he is sexist)



Good. Proceed to delete and block his contact then, you don't need any more of his crap.



I would like to hope that his isn't a "type" at all - it's just him. If you want to find common denominators with other guys that act similarly to him, try immaturity, insecurity, attention-seeking, egocentrism, emotional shallowness, etc... all negative traits that can be found in other "types" as well, and that should always be seen as red flags and deal breakers.

LOL. I think he meant that few women on the website get involved in politics, as the whole website is very male-dominated, and I think he was commenting it was unusual for a woman to stand her ground with the boys. He's a LOT of things, most not good - lol, but I don't think sexist is one.

I meant "type" as far as what happens when someone rebounds. Not sure if you know his background, but 5 months ago, his fiancé of 6 years cheated. Within a week, he moved states away to my town, and took up online with the girl who lives in a different state as well. I see all of this as a rebound from the sudden and painful ending of an engagement, and meant "type" in the context of someone who's completely untethered.

[searock]

LOL. I think he meant that few women on the website get involved in politics, as the whole website is very male-dominated, and I think he was commenting it was unusual for a woman to stand her ground with the boys.

If he meant that it is rare for the women that are on that website to stand their ground, then okay, it may be true (I believe it if you say it is). If he meant it in general, it's a sexist statement and I find it sad that you would actually defend it.

As for his behavior, who knows what's going on in his mind? I still don't think he's a "type", he's just a guy that is trying to be happy and is doing things that seem irrational to most people. It's not your problem (fortunately for you).

[namemyname]

If he meant that it is rare for the women ithat are on that website to stand their ground, then okay, it may be true (I believe it if you say it is). If he meant it in general, it's a sexist statement and I find it sad that you would actually defend it.

As for his behavior, who knows what's going on in his mind? I still don't think he's a "type", he's just a guy that is trying to be happy and is doing things that seem irrational to most people. It's not your problem (fortunately for you).

He's actually more of a feminist than I am. lol

Ya, I don't think he even knows what's going on in his mind hour to hour, so likely I wouldn't be able to decifer it.

What a head case.

[TablesandChairs]

He says he's more in tune with his emotions than most people; the only other person I've heard say the same thing was someone who was so out of touch with reality, it was tragic. This guy validates whatever he thinks/does/feels but doesn't dare ask the serious questions - like: is it sensible to move to another state to be with someone after only x weeks? Is it sensible to do so even after I have emotionally cheated on her already? If he's already fantasizing about sex and what not with another woman 5 weeks into a relationship...then...yeah, he's in touch with something but not it's not his emotions.

He's full of hot air.

[namemyname]

He says he's more in tune with his emotions than most people; the only other person I've heard say the same thing was someone who was so out of touch with reality, it was tragic. This guy validates whatever he thinks/does/feels but doesn't dare ask the serious questions - like: is it sensible to move to another state to be with someone after only x weeks? Is it sensible to do so even after I have emotionally cheated on her already? If he's already fantasizing about sex and what not with another woman 5 weeks into a relationship...then...yeah, he's in touch with something but not it's not his emotions.

He's full of hot air.

Ha ha! Well done, Table, well done.

Agree on all points. I think he's a tragic guy who is having a very hard time coping with being cheated on by his fiancé, and is so untethered and erratic, he doesn't even see it. I tried to tell him repeatedly to wake the **** up, and that he shouldn't be dating ANYONE right now (not even me), but should be alone until he's healed, and in the meantime, very, very casually women for the fun/sex.

It's rather sad to see how damaged people can be from emotional trauma.

[Wakeup]

Why are you even still talking about this little boy? I thought you gave him the bums rush and you're onto bigger and better things?

Obviously he's still renting free space in your brain so whatever he's doing, it's working for him.

[feelalright]

hahahha this too funny you are inlove with some internet dude ahahah