I can't believe this is happening!pl

[danizephyr]

I've been talking to my older, recently married, male cousin. He's helped me through a couple of break ups i've gone through recently. He's great, he's been a very supportive and understanding person. He's helped me a lot. However, he's been getting flirty with me lately. I've been trying to ignore it but it's been getting more and more noticeable each day I talk to him.

He finally told me today that he was curious about me, in more than one way. Yes, I was a bit creeped out in a way, he's a lot older than me (he's 45) and he's my cousin! BUT.. to be honest, he's extremely good looking. He takes really good care of himself. He is a brown belt in Karate and he's really attractive. I've had my dreams about him, I'm not going to lie, but I never thought he would actually be into me like this.

He told me that he would be willing to travel to where I am in order to "take care" of my physical needs. I'm not one to be with married men, much less a man that I'm related to.. :/ BUT.. we're 2nd cousins. I know, still weird!! BUT.. I've known him forever and I can trust him. If the opportunity were to present itself where I wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding out, we could just keep it to ourselves, should I give it a try?

[YoungCosmo]

I've always thought as a general rule, don't ever do anything where someone finding out would be BAD. That usually means it is NOT worth doing.

[LifeInflux]

Hold on now... does being a brown belt in Karate actually play a part in this?

I mean, I might consider sexual contact with my cousin if she were... say.. a black belt... but a brown belt?

[michelle23]

You can trust him? Well its a pity his wife cant! you know the woman he sleeps beside every night who he made a vow to, to always be faithful, love and cherish forever... Hes a douche bag. Stay the f**k away from him. Hes a manipulative f**k and you are a naive little girl. Grow up and stop this ridiculous affair now!

[Valixy]

Maybe you should correct this attitude if you want to attract better men as you mentioned in your other thread. I'm sure that finding someone nice and respectable is far more important to you and in this case you should act accordingly.

[danizephyr]

that is true.. it's just there are two parts to this. yes i want to find a serious relationship but i'm also very sexually frustrated and it's brought me to consider certain things that i shouldn't be considering. i'm a hormonal mess right now and im guessing men can sense the vulnerability. this is why i'm asking for advice BEFORE I do anything stupid. Isn't that what being a grown-up is all about? I'm not one to correct his behavior. If he's going to cheat on her, he's going to do it anyway, whether i'm the one he's going to do it with or not. I'm not going to go through with this, I've thought long and hard and it won't be beneficial for me in the long run. It will be a "quick fix" to my problem.

FYI, he's a newlywed, only been married for 2 months and he's already lusting after another woman. I'm not one to judge him or look down on him for it since, i did kind of consider it and did feed into it. Now that I've caught myself, I'll cut contact with him for a while and let him figure out his life while i keep my legs closed for another year... going for the record! lol

[Valixy]

that is true.. it's just there are two parts to this. yes i want to find a serious relationship but i'm also very sexually frustrated and it's brought me to consider certain things that i shouldn't be considering. i'm a hormonal mess right now and im guessing men can sense the vulnerability. this is why i'm asking for advice BEFORE I do anything stupid. Isn't that what being a grown-up is all about? I'm not one to correct his behavior. If he's going to cheat on her, he's going to do it anyway, whether i'm the one he's going to do it with or not. I'm not going to go through with this, I've thought long and hard and it won't be beneficial for me in the long run. It will be a "quick fix" to my problem.

FYI, he's a newlywed, only been married for 2 months and he's already lusting after another woman. I'm not one to judge him or look down on him for it since, i did kind of consider it and did feed into it. Now that I've caught myself, I'll cut contact with him for a while and let him figure out his life while i keep my legs closed for another year... going for the record! lol

Not an easy task being a ''serious'' girl but not becoming sexually frustrated if you're without a partner for a long time, especially in countries where it's ok for men to sleep with other women, even cheat on their wives, while a woman must be nice, serious, respectable and reject sex without love or commitment.

I think that no matter how lonely and sexually frustrated you can feel though, you need to have some rules and always stick to them, like : NO to married men, NO to men that are in a relationship, NO to work colleagues. You simply avoid complicating your life a lot this way, and other people's lives too and you save yourself some serious problems and heartbreak, because no night of sex is worth the mess that going out with a married man or a work colleague can bring you.

As long as you avoid these categories, I think that you can be open to meeting other people the way it suits you, even if it doesn't always satisfy the hypocrite double standards of many Latin countries. You will maybe meet the typical judgemental ''macho'' every now and then but there will also be opportunities to meet some more evolved men. Have you thought of trying online dating? Many people looking for a serious relationship are trying that and there are better sites than others.

And your cousin will speak. Men like him always do. He will eventually tell about this to a friend or a relative, who will speak with someone else and it would be really uncomfortable for you to have family members knowing about this and judging you for not respecting your cousin's marriage. Less compromising situations have divided other families or ruined for life family relationships. You don't want something like this for you. And I didn't mean that you should correct his attitude (because you can't), but yours, it is not ok to sleep with a married man, not for you, not for him, not for his family and it wouldn't bring anything good in your life anyway.

[danizephyr]

you're right. online dating, i tried that and ended up marrying my ex husband who cheated on me with a transsexual. i have nothing against people with alternative lifestyles and i'm an outspoken liberal but it's just kind of screwed up to be left like i was left. i felt like i wasn't woman enough for a while after finding out but i realized it was the complete opposite. he likes dicks and i just don't have one. ive been single already for a year and 8 months. yes, i'm a very accomplished individual but where i'm living right now makes it almost impossible to meet "evolved" men. literally every other guy i meet is married or in a relationship claiming to be unhappy. when i meet a single man, they immediately tell me they want a woman to have kids with, cook, and clean for them and i'm so much more than that. i'm just sad and lonely. i really think there is no one out there for me as long as i keep living here.

[Valixy]

Don't lose hope and don't get desperate either. These things take time. The right man will come, don't settle for less.

[Rowen]

You're not attracted to him. You're desperate for the attention, and he's a sleazeball using it to his advantage.

Kindly decline and tell him where you stand. Be FIRM, but nice.