Slightly confused and would really appreciate any advice......

[bessieb]

Hi, I'm a new user and would really appreciate some help.

I am in love with someone who doesn't share his feelings verbally, he says he has never shared anything with his family about how he feels about them. I feel totally loved when we are together but he doesn't say anything about love or the future and it does make me feel insecure. When we have talked (or tried) he admits he needs to change and has asked me to help. We had a chat over the weekend and I am still slightly confused. I told him I wanted to be with someone who loved me and who told me as it was important to me and that I wasn't sure he could give that to me because he either didnt love me or couldnt say it. I asked him if he thought the relationship had come to an end in his opinion and he said he enjoys spending time with me and that he gets excited when he knows hes going to see me, he cares for me and wants to take care of me, I asked him if had fallen for me and he replied yes. He said he needs to let go off his feelings and embrace them and that he didnt want the relationship to finish.

What do you think and do you have any advice on how to help/handle. We have both been married and divorced and are not youngsters but we are not over the hill either lol!!

[Stinger]

Hi,

I think he is not comfortable at this stage in his life to share things with you.

I suggest you should ask him in general about what he wants from his life or probably ask, what his aim in life is ,rather than asking him to reply in relationship terms. Also, you can let him know your views about life and love and check his response. My advice would be not to rush with this but take your time to understand him .

Hope this helps !

Stinger : )

[bessieb]

I agree with you that he doesn't seem comfortable about sharing deep feelings at this stage, which is not to say he isn't feeling it, maybe he just doesn't understand what he's feeling.

We have talked about life and love in general and for as long as we have been together he has aleays been a'shower' not a 'talker' his actions and extremely attentive nature make me feel completely loved that's what makes me think he is feeling love.

I could be however, completely wrong!!

[4 ratties]

I think he's coming around. If you really love him, give him more time.. You didn't mention how long you've been together for..

[bessieb]

10 months and I really do love him and will give him and have all the patience and understanding he needs.

[Ginger2013]

If he's afraid to share his feelings, he needs to grow up and be a man. I understand caution, but you've been together nearly a year.

[amour.infini]

I think in your situation there are two things to look at, your feelings and his. From what you wrote, you have a grasp on how you feel and what you want. As you said you are confused about how he feels, sense he isn't the vocal type. To me he seems to have an attachment to you and wants to give you what you want. Even though he isn't vocal about it, he still admits to have fallen for you, he admits he needs / wants to change, and hes excited to see you. I think more time is whats needed. It's very hard to change especially when feelings are involved.
It takes a lot of time and patience. If you feel he is worth the wait, then give him some more time, but be realistic about it. If he can't find it with in himself to change enough to where you are both happy and the relationship works, then maybe he isn't fully ready to love again. Good Luck!

[bessieb]

For me the main point is does he feel the same way and doesn't know how to express it or is he not quite there with love. He is worth the wait but the question is how long do i wait. I'm not getting any younger and as much as I love him and want to spend my future with him, if he doesn't have the same feelings, it's pointless. If we go by his actions, he loves me, heart and soul. If we go by his words, he isn't there yet.

[amour.infini]

I think if your looking an answer to how long you should wait, just think about how patient you are / can be, then think about what would be fair to you then tell him. If he feels the same way you do about him, I feel its fair that he would do his best to meet that goal. A person can say "I can wait forever..," but realistically after a few months it can start to really hurt.