Girlfriend loves me but she doesn't like sex

[carlton99]

You can see from searching that I have posted about my relationship in the past.........

In a nutshell I met my partner 16 months ago, we broke up in January this year for about 6 weeks whilst she dealt with some depression issues. We have enjoyed some great times since getting back together, going on holiday, expressing our love, days out and talking about a future together. She dealt with some personal issues that have made her a stronger person, raised her self esteem and generally made herself feel better about herself. We still have an issue that despite us having professional help about shadowed our relationship......SEX.
I want to jump on her every time I see her and she is quite happy to have sex once or twice a month and even when we do its not stroking, touching and long lasting. She wants a quick bang and then lights out, where I would like to take my time, enjoy her body and talk to improve things between us. She will not change her way of thinking and cannot understand what my problem is as she tells me that she loves me, is faithful, is a great girlfriend so why i this not enough for me. I on the other hand cannot understand that if she fancies me and loves me then surely she can adapt a little to meet my needs. We are in a bit of a stalemate at the moment with us both having some time to think about what we both. We get on great have trust, support, care, love, affection, laughter and the only issue is the differences with the sex. After her recent counselling maybe now it is time to see a sex therapist again?

[basilandthyme]

Carlton, she needs to do therapy on her own. There's a whole lot of questions she to work through in order to get to the bottom of what's happening, and she'll do this better without you there.

Though, if she's perfectly happy with the way she is, no amount of therapy (individual or couples) will change things. And I do find it alarming that she doesn't understand that you have a need for sex. Not wanting sex is one thing....but not understanding that you have different needs is another thing altogether.

[carlton99]

Carlton, she needs to do therapy on her own. There's a whole lot of questions she to work through in order to get to the bottom of what's happening, and she'll do this better without you there.

Though, if she's perfectly happy with the way she is, no amount of therapy (individual or couples) will change things. And I do find it alarming that she doesn't understand that you have a need for sex. Not wanting sex is one thing....but not understanding that you have different needs is another thing altogether.

Yes I certainly think she needs to talk to someone. The trouble is after this latest therapy she thinks she is normal (she may well be and it's me that isn't) and she is reluctant to budge. She claims she has given in, in the past and even for me she wont back down with her thoughts and yet because I love her I am willing to adapt and have done.

[basilandthyme]

Yes I certainly think she needs to talk to someone. The trouble is after this latest therapy she thinks she is normal (she may well be and it's me that isn't) and she is reluctant to budge. She claims she has given in, in the past and even for me she wont back down with her thoughts and yet because I love her I am willing to adapt and have done.

Hate to say it, but this actually makes your decision far easier: She's not stringing you along and she's not making false promises. She's telling you how she feels and that she's comfortable the way things are and that she's not going to change. All the therapy in the world won't change someone who doesn't want to change.

You now have the facts as to what your future relationship will look like. It's now up to you to take those facts and make a decision. Now, sex is important to you (and there's nothing wrong with this!) Unless you could be happy with someone who doesn't enjoy sex, I'd suggest you end things.

[Agnus]

Yes I certainly think she needs to talk to someone. The trouble is after this latest therapy she thinks she is normal (she may well be and it's me that isn't) and she is reluctant to budge. She claims she has given in, in the past and even for me she wont back down with her thoughts and yet because I love her I am willing to adapt and have done.

Only shitheads think that someone is sicker than themselves. Tell your girlfriend that you are determined to become the best lover in the world and need a guinea pig. Some background education is required, though.

[Boisdevie]

Dump her and find someone that has the same sex drive as you - she won't change and you'll get more and more frustrated.