Broken up for 1 month but I have no idea what she is thinking or feeling?

[BCOOK]

Hi everyone,

This is going to be a lengthy post so if you manage to finish reading this I applaud you. Also some advice would be amazing.

So I've just broken up with my ex 1 month ago. The last few weeks have been hard but recently I thought I was progressing and moving on but these last 3 nights all I've done is dream about her and it's driving me crazy.

I'm 23 and a personal trainer. My ex is 18 and just headed off to uni. A lot of people questioned our age gap but it never bothered us. All I knew is that she was so mature for an 18 year old that age was only a number. We met 2 years ago & the first time I met her I fell in love. She is mature, well spoken & not to forget incredibly beautiful. I knew their was instant attraction but at the time I was dating someone else. When I broke up with my ex ex (if you get me) we instantly got in contact and just hit it off. We never had a bad day together. We laughed together, spent loads of time together & even did some incredibly fun stuff as a couple. All I can say is that we made the best team.

To set the scene, this last summer has been awful. I was studying for my masters in sport science but found myself incredibly unhappy so my girlfriend being the amazing person she is supported me & told me that she hated seeing me miserable & wanted me to do something that made me happy so I pursued personal training. At the time my girlfriend was studying for her a levels & she was a nervous wreck as she doesn't deal with exams well. So I spent a lot of time calming her down & helping her revise. I completed an intense 6 week course for my pt over summer, spending the evenings and weekends with my girlfriend which she agreed would be okay & she seemed as happy as ever. During my 6 week course she was hit with a double dish of bad news. Firstly, she found a lump in her boob & she needed an operation as they thought it was cancerous & secondly her mums partner was diagnosed with malignant brain tumours for the second time & currently he has months to live. So those two individual things caused her to go deep into depression. So I dropped everything & spent my time trying to cheer her up & listening to her when she called me in floods of tears on the phone. This combined with exam stress was just to much for her. In the end the lump in her boob was not cancerous even though she was scared at the thought of an operation. Having been there myself we talked & I made her feel a lot better. I told her I would be there for her when she wakes up & spend my days with her whilst she was in bed making her feel comfortable. I turned up with flowers & spent the day just watching her sleep & making sure she was okay. Weeks later her results came back for her a levels and she didn't get into her first choice & her second choice was not where she wanted to go. Eventually her first choice accepted her & she was over the moon. We arranged to go on holiday because we both agreed we had shit summers. However, the holiday we planned to go on didn't happen as her mums partner was very sick & decided to plan a surprise holiday for the pair of them which meant that when it came to moving in day at uni her mum wouldn't be able to move her in. Her dad has no part in her life so her mum means everything to her which I totally get because my mum was my best friend before she died of cancer when I was 18. So time constraints & problems out of our control stopped us going away. Naturally she was gutted and so was I so she ended up spending time with her mum which was understandable. Everytime I wanted to see her she was like I've got plans with mum or I'm busy sorting out uni stuff. She just kept pushing me away! Eventually her mum went on holiday and she was called me over to say we needed to talk. I went over & she bust out crying saying she was so unhappy with herself & life. She told me she needed time to herself & it was nothing I did. I thought this could be the fact she is off to uni but she isn't that type of girl. She is fussy & only dated me because I was a
London boy up north who had prospects & was well presented. See fussy!.

So we mutually agreed to take a break. She cried & hugged me & said she didn't want to let me go. 2 days later she text me saying 'that naomi seems nice' and I was like 'what?' And she said that naomi girl on twitter. I was like oh my friend from my pt course. This naomi girl is just a good friend and I have no interest in her what so ever. So my ex proceeded to say the last thing I want to see is you talking to other girls. I told her that she was & has been the only girl for me'. She didn't respond and then another day later she told me via text that she could believe I went to the races with my dad & never considered doing it with her over summer. She proceeded to blame the fact I didn't want to be seen with her blah blah and them blame the fact I had to look after my brother who has disabilities when I know full well she could come with me because she had to look after her dog. Lame I know. The reason I went to the races because my dad was sick of seeing me miserable and it really did cheer me up only to see horrible texts from my ex. So we didn't talk for a week & then on her first night at uni she text me saying she hates it and wants to come home. So being a idiot I offered to pick her up and take her home as he her uni is 30 mins from my house. Didn't get a response and thought nothing of it. 2 weeks later I sent her a text saying how are you, how's uni because our relationship never ended badly and I wanted to be the good guy. She replied instantly and was like it's really good to hear from you etc. so I said fancy catching up when your home & she was like I don't think it's a good idea. I think we should move on with our lives as I have so much going on with worrying about my mum and her partner. So I told her she doesn't have to do this alone & that I'm always here for her. Again she didn't respond. Days after she unfollowed me on twitter but kept me on facebook and Instagram which still has pictures of us together. She told me she was enjoying uni but I know we hates it because I bumped into her mum the other day & she tells me that she calls her up crying & she doesn't think it's for her.

Worse part of this all is that she speaks to her mum & says she is miserable yet puts this front on in pictures to show everyone she is having a great time. She even told me she thinks she made a mistake but j haven't heard from her in 3 weeks now. I know people believe in soul mates & I'm so convinced she is mine. Maybe we will find each other in the future I don't know? I'm just so lost without her. I even said no to a girl at working the other night when she asked for my number.

Again I bumped into her mum & partner the other day at work & she told me she missed me everyday & that it's weird not having me around the house to make her laugh or help her out. This is all coming from the mum. Even her partner thinks I'm a great guy & that she was stupid to break up with me.

I just don't know what to do? All I want is her, but she seems happy on her own yet her mum tells me she is a mess. Will I ever win her back & what should I do. Don't follow her on twitter, unsubscribed from her on facebook so I don't see her posts but still have her on Instagram but all she does is posts pics of night out when I know she isn't a big drinker or party animal. I want to move on (not into a relationship) but I just can't stop thinking about her.

I need some female advice. Should I just let it be or not give up on her?

Thanks.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I stopped reading after "mature for an 18 year old". I'm confident that I already know everything you said in this wall of text, so I'm going to respond to my presumption.

Ignore this beeotch. When she contacts you, tell her never to talk to you again unless she wants to get back together or at least sleep together. Quit being so idealistic, and start moving on and start seeing other girls. Once you get back on the horse and realize she's not the only girl out there for you, you'll be much better off.

[DalM0m]

No contact is a good idea. You two need some space.

While the age difference may not be a big thing, the life stage is. She's starting a a whole new chapter in her life -- university. That changes a person. She needs to be free to explore that.

The reason you are both unhappy & looking backwards right now is that the breakup is still fresh -- only one month. What you had was comfortable & you miss the ease. That's no reason to rekindle it.

[Boisdevie]

I don't have time to read all that but here's some advice - she's your EX girlfriend so who cares what she's doing or thinking.

[BCOOK]

Thanks for the responses! She was just a big part of my life for nearly 2 years. The year in which we met we hardly spoke as I was seeing someone else but the 10 months we were together we were just inseparable. Everyone said how perfect we were for each other & everyone now is so shocked we broke up. The reason why this is so hard because I know I've met the one person I would love to spend the rest of my life with. People believe in true love & I'm a firm believer that she is the one. You may think it's silly for a 23 year old to think that but I've been to uni, had my fun with a lot of different girls but I'm such a relationship orientated person. Maybe it's time for her to do the same? The reason I care about what she is thinking and feeling is because I don't want to lose contact with her. She is my friend!

[surfhb2]

Believe me man.....we all think we found "the one"when we are in our early 20s and in love. You have to look at the big picture though.....she's decided on other priorities right now. I know it's hard but someday when you get married, have kids, ect you will look back on this and just smile since it's just a find memory

You both live in different worlds right now and age plays a huge difference.

[BCOOK]

Do you know what...you've just summed it up in a nutshell & what you have said is totally true. Just lots of what if's but you get that with every relationship!

Thanks

[sarie11]

I read the whole thing, cause I've got a long post that I hope some friendly males will read and help me with, but I definitely think time and space are best right now for both of you. Believe me, I know it's not what you want necessarily, but in the long run it will be best. She doesn't have what she wants sorted out. That was me at one point in my life and I kept some poor guy dragging for emotional support the entire time and it ended up wrecking both of us. Just focus on yourself for right now and see what happens. I am so sorry you're going through this, and I hope everything sorts itself out for you.

[danac]

I would cool down for short time and don't call her.

[Emilieya]

I understand how you feel. I haven't been with my ex anymore for about 10 months and i'm still in love with him and I would do anything to be with him again. I think that you should not give up on her but I think you should no contact her for a while (2 or 3 months) because sometimes contacting someone a lot when they are not interested pushes them away. Giving her time and no contact would be the best thing for now and maybe she will realize that she misses you. After a while of no contact then you should try calling her or texting her asking how she is and see where it goes from there... I wish you the best of luck with everything. God bless you