Should you start off as friends first?

[Jimlin000]

Hey, I'm just new to the whole dating stuff and I'm just wondering if someone could give me some solid advice. Any serious relationship advice would be appreciated really. I'm also hoping this will help other people who come across this and are a little confuse, or lost, like I kind of am at the moment. I have some questions that people may find silly, or very basic, but please bear with me because, like I said, I'm a novice at this. I just want to know what's appropriate for when I meet a special girl I really like and feel like I could spend eternities with. I've already somewhat dated I guess for 2 months, but realized that she probably isn't the one for me, though that's a whole 'nother story. Just seems like all this stuff is already confusing enough with varying opinions and many grey areas, but go for it:

Is it good to start off as friends before entering a relationship with someone?
Is it bad to start off as friends because it will most likely throw you in the friendzone?
Is it bad to text for a date, instead of calling or asking in person? (I think I already know the obvious answer to this, but details would be nice)
What do you think you would do if the girl seemed to be placing the "friend" title on you when you guys go and do stuff exclusively, though she knows your intentions?
How do you break the touch barrier?
How to avoid coming off as creepy/desparate? (I know this is what a lot of shy guys fear)
What usually leads to the friendzone?
Is texting for dates after asking for the first date over the phone, or in person, acceptable?
Tips for first dates?
Is it okay to text a girl after getting her number and getting comfortable, before calling or something for a date?
What if she wants to "bring a friend" onto what you were hoping was a date?
How/where to meet girls tips?
Difference between dating and hanging out?
Is it bad to ask a girl to hang out, if you want to be in a relationship with them?

Naturally, you don't have to attempt to answer all of these as once, these are kind of the general type of advice I was hoping for though.

[basilandthyme]

Is it good to start off as friends before entering a relationship with someone?
Is it bad to start off as friends because it will most likely throw you in the friendzone?

I know many people who've started as friends and eventually fallen in love. I think this works when neither party has considered dating the other. However, if one of you wants more than friendship, I think they are better of starting out being honest about what they want.

Is it bad to text for a date, instead of calling or asking in person? (I think I already know the obvious answer to this, but details would be nice)

Yes, it's bad to text for a date. Details? I guess texting just shows that you're lazy - or gutless...neither of which is going to add to your attractiveness. Texting also tells her that she's not worth the effort of putting yourself outside your comfort zone.

What do you think you would do if the girl seemed to be placing the "friend" title on you when you guys go and do stuff exclusively, though she knows your intentions?

Move on. Don't waste time with someone who's not wanting the same thing as you.

How do you break the touch barrier?

In small steps. A touch on the arm when you're emphasising a story. Putting your arm around her when someone is taking a photo.

How to avoid coming off as creepy/desparate? (I know this is what a lot of shy guys fear)

Don't initiate more than 75% of contact. If she says "no" to a date, accept that she's not interested and move on.

What usually leads to the friendzone?

Lack of flirting. If you treat her like a friend, she'll see you as a friend.

Is texting for dates after asking for the first date over the phone, or in person, acceptable?

No. Or at least, I wouldn't accept it. But I'm old so perhaps you want an answer from someone your own age.

Tips for first dates?

People will tell you to ask her about herself, but make sure to not do so in a series of questions. Let the conversation naturally flow from one topic to the next.

Is it okay to text a girl after getting her number and getting comfortable, before calling or something for a date?

It depends on your reason for contacting her. If you have stuff to say, don't send a wall of text.

What if she wants to "bring a friend" onto what you were hoping was a date?

Tell her you were planning it to be a "date". It's OK to assert yourself.

How/where to meet girls tips?

Assuming you're school age, try different school activities. If you're musical, get involved with other musical people at school. If you're academic, try the debating team. If you're interested in the school environment, try the School Council. If you're sporty, try athletics. If you're arty try the drama club. Even better when you choose activities which involve other schools. If you're religious, go to bible study.

Having said that, if you're at a single sex school, you're at a distinct disadvantage.

Difference between dating and hanging out?

If you're dating, you will have had a discussion about it.

Is it bad to ask a girl to hang out, if you want to be in a relationship with them?

The first time, it's OK. After that, if you still want more - then make it clear you want a date.

Hope that helps.

[DalM0m]

How old are you? My answers to your questions will vary greatly if you are in high school vs. a 30 year old grown man.

The younger you are, the better it is to be friends first, the more acceptable texting is and the more OK it is for her to bring a friend on your date. If you are young, asking to hang out is OK; past college it's a cop out.

You get over the touch barrier by simply reaching for her hand. Her reaction to that will tell you if & when you can touch other places

No matter your age, platonic friends hang out; romantic partners date.

First dates vary by age & interest. It's OK to keep the 1st one short & cheap: ice cream, coffee, a drink etc. You can work up to more elaborate & longer dates: a movie, dinner, a day at the beach, a museum etc.

Men put themselves in the friendzone. Don't have conversations with her about other guys she likes. She has girlfriends for that. Don't be a door mat.

[HeartIsAching]

Frankly - no it's not generally best to start off as friends. Yes, that will put you in the friendzone.

Conversely, cultivating friendship during a romance is in my opinion the best recipe for a successful relationship. You don't try to take charge of your relationship with a good friend, and you shouldn't with your significant other either. Having endured/suffered/lived-through several bad relationships (and one really, really good one), I can tell you for certain that if/when you've gotten to the point at which your lover/girlfriend/wife/whatever is also your best friend, you win.

Seriously.

Win.

[smackie9]

I prefer a guy to just jump right into it if he is into me. Confidence is sexy in my books.

[Nicgianni1]

Is it good to start off as friends before entering a relationship with someone?
Being friends is a good start because there is none of the anxiety of a sexual relationship. This anxiety is good for the long term. However, when things do not work out as life gives you challenges, the basic relationship of friendship emerges, which is good.

Is it bad to start off as friends because it will most likely throw you in the friendzone? That can always change. Just don't stay there if you do not want to.

Is it bad to text for a date, instead of calling or asking in person? (I think I already know the obvious answer to this, but details would be nice)
Don't text for a date. It is obvious. Everyone like the personal attention, especially women.

What do you think you would do if the girl seemed to be placing the "friend" title on you when you guys go and do stuff exclusively, though she knows your intentions?
Talk with her and ask her what she thinks. If she says you are a BF and does not act that way in front of others. Something is wrong. She should parade you.

How do you break the touch barrier? Easy--by touching, holding hands--go slowly.

How to avoid coming off as creepy/desparate? (I know this is what a lot of shy guys fear). Don't be. Act like women are chasing you with confidence.

What usually leads to the friendzone? Complacency without moving forward--you are both to blame if you want more than that and you do nothing about it.

Is texting for dates after asking for the first date over the phone, or in person, acceptable?
In person unless you know her well.

Tips for first dates? Do an activity where you can have fun. Bowling, drinking, talking, walking, etc.

Is it okay to text a girl after getting her number and getting comfortable, before calling or something for a date? Have the guts to call her. Shows your confidence.
There is nothing to be afraid of even if she says no.

What if she wants to "bring a friend" onto what you were hoping was a date? Let him happen once.

How/where to meet girls tips? Church, volunteer groups, school, sports, clubs.

Difference between dating and hanging out? They can be both. Typically dating is more intimate.

Is it bad to ask a girl to hang out, if you want to be in a relationship with them? Ask her for a date dude.

Overall, I see the problem. You are not that confident and are afraid of rejection--both understandable and both you can over come in time.

[searock]

If you're attracted to someone, don't try to "make friends" with them. It's counter-productive and it will get you neither a date, nor a genuine friendship.

If, on the other hand, you aren't attracted to someone, you happen become close friends and then you develop feelings for each other (which you both didn't expect), then you're in for the best type of relationship there is. As HIA said, there's nothing better than being in a relationship with your best friend. It should happen spontaneously though, there's no way to force it into happening.

So, if you are attracted to someone, let them know asap. Don't try to "make friends", just ask her out. If she doesn't accept to go on a date with you, again, do NOT try to "make friends". Just move on.

[phish]

Is it good to start off as friends before entering a relationship with someone?
I'm starting to think so.

Is it bad to start off as friends because it will most likely throw you in the friendzone?
There's a difference between friends, and getting to know someone well without making it too 'datey'. The latter is what we're going for. We want to know someone well, while continuing to show them you are sexually interested also thorough touching, flirting etc.

Is it bad to text for a date, instead of calling or asking in person? (I think I already know the obvious answer to this, but details would be nice)
The best is asking in person towards the end of one date. For example, if my date and I are eating, then I'll bring up something we could do next time and say 'ok, let's do that next Thursday!'. This way, you can easily arrange logistics though one 10 minute phone call, or even though 2 back and forth text exchanges.

What do you think you would do if the girl seemed to be placing the "friend" title on you when you guys go and do stuff exclusively, though she knows your intentions?
Keep at it. Do what you're doing because she is obviously agreeing to see you one-on-one, which means she likes that. She probably wants to take things slow, and needs time to determine whether that's exactly what she wants. I would react by saying 'aww, I'm glad we're good friends' and put your arm around her as you say it.

How do you break the touch barrier?
Hug as soon as you see the person/girl (generally). If she says something that you love/think it really funny, hug her. When you're talking and want to emphasize something, keep eye contact and put your hand on her arm or hold her hand. Basically, do what feels right, but know that you need to show her through touch that you're interested.

How to avoid coming off as creepy/desparate? (I know this is what a lot of shy guys fear)
If she takes 5 hours to reply to a text, don't text back an hour after. Do it when it's convenient for you. Don't ever be less-busy than she is. Be as busy as possible, and thoroughly be enjoying/doing exactly what you need to be doing in life.

What usually leads to the friendzone?
By not saying or showing what you feel.

Is texting for dates after asking for the first date over the phone, or in person, acceptable?
Yes, but try the phone first every time. After a date, call a few days afterwards, when you really WANT to talk. Here, plan the next one.

Tips for first dates?
Focus on having as much fun as possible, and think of things to talk about. Fun questions to keep the mood fun. And serious things that you REALLY want to know.

Is it okay to text a girl after getting her number and getting comfortable, before calling or something for a date?
When you get her number, text her right away with your number and something fun you talked about.

What if she wants to "bring a friend" onto what you were hoping was a date?
If she's worth it, accept. If you want to have fun, then be honest and say you were hoping it'd be you two.

How/where to meet girls tips?
School. School/campus clubs. Acting class.

Difference between dating and hanging out?
Dating leads to quicker, more intense beginnings that may or may not have a chance to launch into a relationship. With hanging out, the initial stages before you kiss/get sexual lasts considerably longer (few months-years), but if the relationship happens (50/50? not sure) then it is generally more stable and sustainable.

Is it bad to ask a girl to hang out, if you want to be in a relationship with them?
No, at some point, even if you haven't kissed yet and if you know that you want to be in a relationship with them, express your love. Ie. 'I like you, like a boy likes a girl' or "I really like you" or "Do you want to be my gf" ie. anything that makes it extremely obvious. Put your heart out there. Generally, by going the 'hanging-out' route, if you've made it to the point where you are considering this, it will be fine.