Older man wants to put off having sex

[Nova.Blaze]

I met a man who is 16years older than me (I'm 25), over a year ago. He lives in a different state than I, but was back in town visiting his college, as I was graduating. We hit it off immediately. We never made the relationship sexual when we first met because he told me he was hesitant of how much younger I was than him. After talking with him constantly for over a year I can never get him off my mind! He recently came to visit me for 5 days. He still refused to have full penetrative sex b/c he said he didn't want to and then have to leave me, but he did perform oral on me. And, NO he doesn't have ED or any medical issue preventing us from having sex. He told me he likes am a lot and would love to have sex but that if I get hurt he can't stand that it would be his fault.

I know he doesn't just see me as a kid, but there's obviously some part of him that must see the age difference as a problem or he wouldn't be so persistent about protecting my feelings (he's said this). So, how do I approach this? I've tried dating other men and all I want is him.

I've even met his parents, siblings, and some friends. He's never been married and doesn't have children but says he does want to someday and brings this up a lot. I know he's not dating anyone else

[searock]

Creepy. Why wouldn't he want to have "penetrative sex", but had no issues with giving you oral? It's just extremely creepy.

[Nova.Blaze]

Yeah, I wouldn't call him creepy, but that's why I'm asking, it doesn't all make sense. He's not a saint and is obviously attracted to me to come and stay with me for 5 days. He's also asked that I visit him.

[searock]

I think you should make it clear that unless he's willing to give you the kind of relationship you want, then it's best you don't keep in contact anymore. No more of this creepy (IMO) weird behavior.

[vashti]

How do you know he doesn't have ED? Because he said so?

That would have been my first thought.

[HeartIsAching]

He's what... 41? Pretty close to my age. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone as young as you, that'd be creepy. No a 25 year old isn't a kid, but they're not really grown up yet, either. Sort of "almost there".

...and yeah, why WOULD he have oral sex with you, but not penetrative? Did you return the favor? Is it just him that's saying he doesn't have ED? I call BS.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't bother.....this guy has performance anxiety covered up with stupid excuses.......stop pondering over what you can do to convince him to have a normal relationship with you....you shouldn't be doing it! Just go find yourself a nice normal level headed horny guy around your own age. You should be leaving fantasyland because this isn't worth it.

[Boisdevie]

Age difference = wierd. I'm 49. My dauighter is 24. The idea of my daughter with a guy, say 9 years younger than me is just yukkity yukkity yuk.
And you've gone a year with this guy and no penetrative sex - jesus, you're patient. Dump the guy and find somebody your own age to play with.

[searock]

I agree with the others. Date someone much closer to your own age. He's a creep!

[Wakeup]

Did you even feel his penis? Was it hard? Did he stop you from touching it? Did you give him head in return for face? You've left out so many details that its hard to try and give a good GUESS at what his motive is. Is he (and you) actually that naive that he thinks that giving you face pleasure but not penal pleasure will save you from getting hurt by him? What?

Find someone close to you that is nearer your own age and doesn't have (likely) ED or Herpes and is just waiting till it clears up so he can do you. Ugh!

[Jffs24]

IDK weird shit -- did he kiss you a lot when he stayed over? Could he be gay? or like others said ED, did he ever get hard around you in 5 days?
I don't think he didn't **** you for the reasons he told you, he's clearly lying to you.

[Maple1714]

Weird is right...find someone else closer to your age. You are not far from 30...sexual prime for women....you need to find a man who's gonna be ready to fulfill all your desires!

[smackie9]

Age difference = wierd. I'm 49. My dauighter is 24. The idea of my daughter with a guy, say 9 years younger than me is just yukkity yukkity yuk.
And you've gone a year with this guy and no penetrative sex - jesus, you're patient. Dump the guy and find somebody your own age to play with.

^^^this made me laugh lol!

[FAndrews]

yep, this is a weird one, the age difference isn't really the thing that weirds me out, its his behaviour, no penetrative sex but oral? very strange and not treating you as an adult with the whole 'afraid of hurting you' bit, should be your choice, should respect you properly after so long in the relationship.

[HDBadger]

yep, this is a weird one, the age difference isn't really the thing that weirds me out, its his behaviour, no penetrative sex but oral? very strange and not treating you as an adult with the whole 'afraid of hurting you' bit, should be your choice, should respect you properly after so long in the relationship.

Pretty much agree. There's nothing inherently wrong with the age difference. Both of you are adults. His behavior is what is confounding.