I feel jealous and insecure and I'm not 100% sure if it's justifyable

[smackie9]

Whomever you have a serious relationship will be a part of your life, no different than your daughter and ex are a part of your life....can't keep it separate forever.

[Trilium]

She's a toddler.

[Trilium]

Whomever you have a serious relationship will be a part of your life, no different than your daughter and ex are a part of your life....can't keep it separate forever.

I know that. That was never my intention. I think maybe if anyone was in my exact situation they might understand better why I chose to do it like this. But since that isn't possible, I'm not desiring to explain why I chose to do things in this way. It's my job to protect my daughter. I'm not going to bring people I'm still getting to know around my daughter. Once I know them and trust them, that's another story. Clearly I never got to that point with this guy.

[smackie9]

I live in Surrey BC....the capital of single moms....the majority of my GFs going all the way back to high school were single moms, I have seen enough to know.


I totally understand you want to protect your daughter who wouldn't, I never said anything about you having to introduce her to anyone. I meant, for your own benefit to be honest with whomever you are dating your expectations that include your daughter.

I never wanted to get married or have kids....I usually made that clear by the 3rd date. Why waste someone's time if we're not on the same page. It worked, and have been with my guy for over 23 years.

[michelle23]

Does she go to a creche or does family take her for a few hours during the week? I inderstand you dont want to introduce her to a guy unless its serious but you should be seeing him more than just the weekend if you want a real relationship with someone.. what about when shes in bed? Dinner and drinks at home?

I think if you want a relationship to go further than casual then you need to make yourself a little more available

[Trilium]

Does she go to a creche or does family take her for a few hours during the week? I inderstand you dont want to introduce her to a guy unless its serious but you should be seeing him more than just the weekend if you want a real relationship with someone.. what about when shes in bed? Dinner and drinks at home?

I think if you want a relationship to go further than casual then you need to make yourself a little more available

You're making the assumption that I only made myself available on the weekend, but that was a mutual choice in this particular instance.

[Trilium]

I try to work things out with people who want to be exclusive partners with me. I do what it takes to make them happy. I just want to be content as well within a relationship. I'm perfectly willing to put in the effort required, but currently I'm completely jaded. People are really dishonest.

[smackie9]

Oh well you have to kick a lot of tires to find the right one.

[searock]

Anyone in that position is not going to be faithful unless there is a LOT at stake like they are married and would lose their life savings in divorce, or they are married to Lorenna Bobbit.

Whoa, no. There are plenty of guys (the majority I believe) that would not be unfaithful to their long term partner.

OP, I think the reason you "always end up with cheaters" is that you don't see the red flags and even when you do, you waste time wondering whether they are actually red flags. As soon as someone lies to you once, you know that you can't trust them, and you should not hang out with them anymore. This goes for friends as well as lovers. Don't be close to people that lie to you.

This guy in particular not only openly lied to you but he also disrespected your relationship in other ways (hanging out with girls that are into him, probably even cheating on you with them). You need to pay close attention to the red flags. Generally you can determine whether a person is "good" or "bad" (i.e. whether they won't think twice before hurting you or being dishonest etc) just by spending some time with them, even just a couple of hours. It's all in the eyes and the way they talk and move and treat other people. Learn how to read these signals and you won't find yourself in a similar situation again. Learn how to recognize the "good guys" (note: good guys are NOT the same thing as "nice guys") from the start. And when you misjudge someone (i.e. you think they're a good guy but he turns out to be an as*hole, it happens), learn how to leave immediately.

[Trilium]

Whoa, no. There are plenty of guys (the majority I believe) that would not be unfaithful to their long term partner.

OP, I think the reason you "always end up with cheaters" is that you don't see the red flags and even when you do, you waste time wondering whether they are actually red flags. As soon as someone lies to you once, you know that you can't trust them, and you should not hang out with them anymore. This goes for friends as well as lovers. Don't be close to people that lie to you.

This guy in particular not only openly lied to you but he also disrespected your relationship in other ways (hanging out with girls that are into him, probably even cheating on you with them). You need to pay close attention to the red flags. Generally you can determine whether a person is "good" or "bad" (i.e. whether they won't think twice before hurting you or being dishonest etc) just by spending some time with them, even just a couple of hours. It's all in the eyes and the way they talk and move and treat other people. Learn how to read these signals and you won't find yourself in a similar situation again. Learn how to recognize the "good guys" (note: good guys are NOT the same thing as "nice guys") from the start. And when you misjudge someone (i.e. you think they're a good guy but he turns out to be an as*hole, it happens), learn how to leave immediately.

I wish it were that simple but It's hard to tell if someone is lying or joking or whatever at times, I'm no mind reader. Suffice to say I'm not dating a "joker" again, one that jokes about mean things. That's not really my sense of humor... and I think that's how they vent aspects of the truth or how they really feel. It's not funny anyways.

[searock]

Yes, it's hard to realize if someone is a good guy or a bad guy, but as soon as someone shows you that they are a bad guy, you should be able to see it and to leave.