Do I send this? I just want to be friends

[sophi3]

Before anyone reacts that it's impossible, I know at least 3 couples who are good friends after the breakup. It's not easy but it's possible.
I thought it would be effortless on my part. 2 weeks after breaking up (it's been more than a month now) I thought I was ready. But I wasn't. The feelings were still there.

Our last communication was a week ago. He didn't reply to my last 2 texts (the last being that if we could chat, because i wanted to tell him something important). I wanted to tell him that I was having a hard time being his friend. But since he didn't really reply, I drafted an email instead. Because being friends involves honesty.

1. I want to be friends with you.
2. It is difficult, I need space.
3. I want to be friends with you after I fix myself
4. What do you think about my email? (though someone told me to not include this, expecting for a reply which might not come is going to be painful. but then again if he is really my friend, he'd give an effort to reply)

Some people told me to send the email. Others told me not to, and just leave him alone. I don't know. I want to preserve our friendship (without the hope that he'll take me back) and I'm scared that this email might make things worse. I'm confused.

[basilandthyme]

Sophi, he's ignored your last two texts: I'd say it's pretty clear that he doesn't want to be friends at this point. You can cite successful friendships all you want, but if he doesn't want to be your friend, it's not going to happen.

Leave the guy alone.

[Heart Healer]

Hi sophi3,


Two individuals can become friends after they break up depending on whether the two of them are willing to enter into friendship or not. Understand, heartbreaks are as bad as anything and it depends on person to person how he/she is takes his/her heartbreak. Some move out of it pretty soon understanding their shortcomings, other find it difficult accepting the truth. Similarly, for few like you break up is not the end of everything. They believe, if they were unsuccessful at handling their affairs, they will handle their friendship well. Where, others might have the notion that breakup is end of everything and they would not start anything fresh with their ex. End is the end.

So, don't force yourself on your ex. If he wants to be friends with you, he will. You have done your work of mailing to him about your thoughts of entering into friendship with him. If he feels the same, he will do it. Better not to push yourself into it.


If you ask me, I would say, thinking of friendship after breakup depends how smoothly or aggressively you guys broke up. Sometimes, a breakup is silent, quiet and subtle when both individuals mutually decide to put their relationship to end because perhaps things are not working out or whatever. In this case, one can think of entering into friendship with his/her ex. Other times, relationship ends up over aggressive and heated discussion when both parties decide to move out, frustrated. In this case, friendship might also not work out.

So, how did you guys break up? Any hard feelings for each other or not? These things will decide the fate of your friendship proposal.

[smackie9]

Ya it takes two to be friends....if he isn't replying that's just him saying leave me alone. You need to back off and give it more time.

[searock]

You can only be friends with an ex if neither of you still has feelings for the other person.

So in your case, no, you can't be friends and it would be useless to send the email. Sorry. Focus on getting better and moving on .

[Boisdevie]

What is this whole 'lets stay friends' bullshit. It really is pathetic. I have ex GFs I have stayed friends with none of them. What's the point - I already have friends. Pathetic.

[UKRomantic]

Well, I'm not even sure who broke up with who here, unless I'm missing something?

If you broke up with him, then you need to understand that he's probably hurting a little bit and just want's to be left alone so he can sort his head out and move on. So if that is the case, you really need to leave him alone.

If he was the one that broke up with you, then he obviously wants some space and you should also respect that.

I think the number of couples who stay friends after a break up is very small, especially so soon after the breakup too.

[Boisdevie]

I think the number of couples who stay friends after a break up is very small, especially so soon after the breakup too.

Because it's a really ****ing stupid thing to do. It screams of an unwillingness to make a complete break.