How secure is this approach against pregnancy? Will a girl likely be OK with it?

[RobertWQ]

I don't want to have kids. I like my freedom, and I don't think that there is any "higher" reason to have children.


Other than being abstinent, I know the best way to ensure this is to get a vasectomy and store some of my sperm at a sperm bank in case I ever did want to have kids (and there are other options besides a sperm bank including reversal or extraction procedures in case I did want to have kids).

However, this is an expensive procedure and though I am leaning strongly towards getting it done, I haven't yet.


So in the meantime, I have two approaches I think should minimize as much as possible the chances of getting a girl pregnant if I'm intimate with her.


1. Oral only. Rather than have vaginal intercourse, we would do everything but, so to speak. 69, blowjobs, cunnilingus, and perhaps even anal sex. Though I would really want to have vaginal sex with a girl I was into and intimate with, I could deal with this either temporarily or for a longer term. However, would she be willing to take this approach? Women on here, what would you think if a guy suggested this to you?

2. Multiple forms of birth control. She is on birth control, everytime we have sex I wear a condom. I never cum inside her, but always pull out. I have the morning after pill on standby in case of any mistakes.


Does anyone know how secure the second approach is? I know condoms are about 95-98%, and BC taken properly (never can tell if that is the case) is about 99.9%, and pulling out should add a bit to it as well.


I guess it comes down to trusting your partner too. If she says she would not want to have a child if something happened, then you'd have to decide to believe her or not. I just can't help but remember that recent thread on here though where the chick was dating a guy who didn't want kids, she agreed that if anything happened she'd get an abortion, and then once she got pregnant she renegged ... so basically you ultimately can only trust yourself in this and it would be nice if there were a form of BC for men other than a vasectomy.

But anyway, ladies, what do you think about this? Would option #1 (oral only) bother you? Let's say you weren't on BC for whatever reason.

[pcmaster]

Safest is not to do sex. If you cant take responsibilty then dont do it. Otherwise its safer to use two condoms. Keep sex and alcohol seperate and know well the person you doing it with. Talk about contraception with girl before the sex not after.

[RobertWQ]

I don't understand the premise. Taking all measures IS taking responsibility. And two condoms actually is less safe than one.

[michelle23]

Id never date a guy who never wants kids coz i do at some point in the future so thered be no point dating him if theres no chance of a future but ill answer your qs anyway.

1. No i wouldnt be okay with just oral-id want sex too and i dont do anal

2. If i love and trust a guy-i prefer to be on the pill and not use condoms. Id only suggest using them for 7 days if i forgot to take my pill. And i wouldnt like him pulling out either. That kills the mood/intimacy coz hed wana get up straight away to clean up and i like lying there for a few minutes

3. Id never agree to having an abortion if it ever happens coz you dont know how your gonna feel about it if/when it happens. Its a womans natural instinct to protect her unborn child so even if she thinks now shell be able tl go through it if it happens-she could v easily change her mind when in that real life situation

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[michelle23]

Basically your options are vasectomy or stay away from women. If your not prepared to deal with the consequences then dont have sex...

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[RobertWQ]

Yeah, so like everyone who uses birth control should not be having sex. They don't want kids either, I probably just don't want kids more than many people.

[michelle23]

Why are you so against having kids?

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[RobertWQ]

I actually like kids. However, I honestly see no reason whatsoever to have them. They completely change your life. Where you were once free, you now must put their needs ahead of yours at almost all times, for at least two decades, or the remainder of your most youthful years in other words. You can no longer live as you wish.

And for what? Just to fulfill your genetic algorithm to reproduce? There is no meaning to it.

[michelle23]

Lol the thought of having kids scares me too. I worry about stupid crap like "what if it comes between me and partner" or "what if we grow apart" etc but i think its more then just a genetic need to reproduce. Kids bring meaning to your life. Something to get out of bed for, something to love, care for, teach, guide them, fight for. Watch them grow into amazing adults and give you grandkids to fill your boring twilight years with love and laughter etc lol having a big family and all these people you love around is what makes life worthwhile in my opinion.

Everyone whose every had kids will tell you there hard work but they wouldnt change it for the world.. well apart from really dysfunctional parents

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[michelle23]

Im not trying to change your mind btw encase you think i am. I dont think they come with that many sacrifices tbh. My mum and dad got a babysitter and still went out at the weekend, my mum always worked part time coz wed good family around to help out, she still got a good education etc even though they were v young having me.. but they had a lot of help and sort. Some people dont have that so that would make it harder i guess. For me i would have that support network so im lucky in that way

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[HeartIsAching]

I wouldn't worry about too much overkill. If she's on birth control or even just a vaginal suppository spermicide combined with a condom, you'll be fine - no need to pull out.

The vasectomy's fine if you're really alright with that, but I suspect you'll have difficulty finding a doctor at your age that's willing to perform the surgery, and with good reason... it's quite possible you'll change your mind as you age and mature, but I do think that regardless of the vasectomy, you do need to wear a condom until you're settled in a permanent relationship. Much safer that way these days.

[michelle23]

Just make sure shes aware from the start that you dont want kids. Theres no point her wasting 10years on you and then finding out you wont give her what she wants

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[basilandthyme]

Neither 1 or 2 would be acceptable to me. Intercourse is important to me and so is having my partner finish inside. I would however, be OK with the pill and a condom.

I'd be surprised if woman can use the oral contraceptive and also morning after pill if a condom breaks....waaaay too many hormones. Have you researched this?

[basilandthyme]

Neither 1 or 2 would be acceptable to me. Intercourse is important to me and so is having my partner finish inside. I would however, be OK with the pill and a condom.

After giving it further thought, I couldn't do the pill plus condom long term. Condoms are fine at the beginning of a relationship, but I wouldn't be OK with knowing that I would have to use them until I was menopausal.

For the record, I never had an accidental pregnancy during all my years on the pill. And the attitude of the original poster you referred to isn't my style.

[RobertWQ]

Lol the thought of having kids scares me too. I worry about stupid crap like "what if it comes between me and partner" or "what if we grow apart" etc but i think its more then just a genetic need to reproduce. Kids bring meaning to your life. Something to get out of bed for, something to love, care for, teach, guide them, fight for. Watch them grow into amazing adults and give you grandkids to fill your boring twilight years with love and laughter etc lol having a big family and all these people you love around is what makes life worthwhile in my opinion.

Everyone whose every had kids will tell you there hard work but they wouldnt change it for the world.. well apart from really dysfunctional parents

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That's an optimistic view of the outcomes.