what do I do? stay together or break up?

[mrselric1079]

Hi. Im new here and I have such a huge problem. Im a 34 woman dating a 28 year old guy. We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. Weve been together since 2006. We started out as a fling and after 5 months I got pregnant. I love him dearly and I know he loves me too. He's provided for us since day one. He's done everything for us. He took all the responsibilities. Day care was really expensive and we don't have any family to care for her so I never worked. About 2 years ago I got very sick and again he took over everything, caring for me and being there for me. I have recently started working tho, now that shes gone to school fulltime.Our problems are numerous. He's always told me he doesn't want to marry me. Ever. He doesn't want to have more children which for me is a huge thing given my age. He says its too much to do all over again. We argue a lot. So much so our daughter tells us to stop. I don't like her seeing us argue like that. He's constantly called me ugly, stupid and fat. I weigh 125lbs and i feel fat because of that. His anger is really ugly when he starts up. He's loud and visceral. He's never hit me but he says such awful things and breaks things. I feel like my biological clock is going off now too. I'll be turning 35 soon. I know that's still young but I can't help feel this way. He has said multiple times he refuses to be married or have more children. He even hated when I referred to him as my husband to people. I told him recently I can't be with him anymore. He's not taking it very well. He's now saying that he wants children, wants to be married and that he wants what I want. But I feel like he's saying this just to stay together. He's threatening to jump in front of a train or drink bleach. It isn't the first time he's threatened to hurt himself either. Doesn't help that he's got nowhere to stay if he left our house. He's really confusing me so much. I love this man dearly but I don't think we really want the same things at this moment. What do I do?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He sounds like a bitch.

[violet11]

Oh sweet lord... he needs help if he's threatening to hurt himself. Would you consider couples counselling?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

When he threatens to hurt himself, dare him to do it. Hand him the bleach.

[Boisdevie]

If only you hadn't got pregnant your room for manoever would be so much better. Don't they have contraception in the USA?

[Dr-Love]

let me start off by saying 125lbs is not fat,also the fact that he stuck by you through thick and thin is admirable. BUT, arguing to the extreme where your 5 year old daughter has to beg you to stop is not good. His anger and temper are also not good. You dont need to be married to be happy but if you're traditional then its understandable. The fact that he calls you stupid ugly and fat, even though he's angry along with breaking things in the house shows he has some anger issues he needs to have resolved. it also seems to me he's just telling you what you want to hear so you wouldnt leave him but if you get the impression that he's going to commit suicide then inform the authorites and let them handle it..My advice: if you truly love this man and want it to work then have him take anger management classes and see a counsellor to work on some the problems you two may be experiencing and if you think he's serious and suicidal then inform the authorities.. i hope i helped somewhat and wish you all the best

[Wakeup]

Well, saying that 125 is not fat when you don't know her height isn't helping her. If she's 5' then yes, 125 very well could be fat. Just saying (no offence OP).

The issue here is that he mistreats you and your daughter is suffering because of her mother's and fathers inability to function or even form and maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Suggest councelling together and if he won't go then you should go alone so that you get the strength you need to leave him. Or the trust of him so that you believe him when he says he wants the things you want.

I do hope you have a job and a good sitter for your little girl now. You'll only have child support payments coming in after you leave. Don't expect him to bail you out or have your back once you're separated.

Good luck.

[pcmaster]

While abusing you hes just taking your confidence away so you get more addicted to him and by taking power away he gets stronger. Next time he call you fat say you are sexy and he sees just his own reflection. Strong people dunt put others down they lift them up'

Also he seems extremly insecure and dependant. Does he have friends or happy childhood? Do you get out from home enviroment every week to do some fun activities together as a family? This could take the pressure off. But you both must see the counselor too cause this guy is too unstable and its hurting him and people around him.

[mrselric1079]

Thanks everyone. I know he's been real abusive verbally which is never good. If it was my own daughter posting this I'd tell her it isn't worth it. For the record, I'm 5'3 and 125lbs which really isn't fat. I have a thyroid problem amd it makes it hard to lose weight which he knew about and itd make me feel awful about myself. I have told him its completely over and there's no going back. He continued to tell me what he wanted me to hear for a while longer. He's mostly scared he wont be able to see his daughter but I'd never keep her from him. He feels like he's never going to see her the way he does now like first thing in the morning or when she goes to sleep. He should have thought about that before being like this. Oh and he's done this to another girlfriend from the past. I wish I had known that before. Amazing the things that come up when you're arguing.