Girlfriend lies to her guy friend about us.

[wryth]

Backstory ( I'll make it quick)
We had seen eachother for 2 months she moved city. I followed about 2 months later still just a 'thing' then we were official and lived together for 6 months. I had to leave the country for a few months and she told me she was going to come see me. She didn't because money was tight and the distance was hard etc etc so she broke it off.
A month later she contacts me says she made a mistake and that she thinks im the love of her life and she misses me so much. She books flights to see me when she has some money 4 months after that and then comes to see me 2 months after booking the flights to 'get her man back'.
We started again and I booked my flights back to see her and 2 months later Im living with her again. Though I must go home again for university and family etc soon. But we are meeting up in 2 months time.
This is all temporary until she finishes her uni course and is able to move to wherever she wants to.

The issues-

I had a gut feeling something was not right, things were not the same but I expected that until we got used to each others company again. Her phone wasnt locked one day after an intensive arguement so i got mad and looked (because shes always getting calls from her guy friend but never answers infront of me) and texts too.So i did a very unhealthy thing for any relationship and looked.

I found out that she had a full other boyfriend and was in a 6 month relationship. He said something about a betrayal so im not sure if she cheated or just broke his heart or seen my messages to her. This was in June and 6 calender months prior to this we would have still been in a relationship with eachother, if it was inclusive of the 6th month then that would mean she literally broke up with me and got with him the same day/week. Im not sure what it was but upon reading this i had a bit of a panic attack and collapsed in the bathroom.

I looked once more and found two things,
She had been sending and receiving really explicit text messages from another guy in June ( I presume as soon as she broke up with the other guy) and this is literally the same few days she booked flights to see me and told me she misses me so bad and loves me. The message from the guy was something like "I cant wait to taste your ***** and **** you against a wall hard. She replies "omg Im so sorry i cant tonight im staying with my friend", then "I cant wait to have sex with you".

Secondly I found the guy friend she is messaging and talking to now has not been informed that we're together in any great detail shes downplaying the relationship and actually told him "we're not living together" when in fact we are, at least for 2 months until I leave again. Makes me think that she is downplaying it so he wont have a problem having sex with her if he comes here to hang out with her and im away.

I'm very confused because of this behaviour. She flew to the other side of the world to get me back as her boyfriend and constantly talks about our future together, her business and how our house is going to look, our pet dogs she wants etc etc. Then the same time she was messaging other guys sexually (before we were offical again but still not nice to read the details) and downplaying us to her friends.
She has already broken my heart once and I've had to pretty much reshuffle my entire life plan since then! It was very stressful and I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression at the time, though I am fine now!

Im not sure how to approach the subject with her and dont want to tell her I looked at her phone because I really shouldnt have but my intuition was telling me something was out of whack with her behaviour and how she acted around other people etc.

Please help! I do love her and she tells me the same every day about 20 times. But Im feeling like this is too much and I dont trust her so at the back of my head I have the horrible feeling I will have to break up with her.

[michelle23]

Shes not trustworthy and she is not worth changing "your whole life plan for". No woman is IMO. People like you are prime examples of love is blind. Uprooting your whole life is insane especially when your in college but that's another story.. pack up your stuff and go home! Dont do long distance again. Forget about her and move on with your life. You just dodged a bullet and should be grateful you found out the truth now.

She just proved she is a cheat so do not go into denial and listen to any of her bollox excuses or lies. Just leave

[Trilium]

Oh dear. She will chew you up and spit you out. She will not stop cheating for anything or anyone. This girl is not worth your time at all. You could get aids or something. You've got to cut your losses, a girl like that will destroy any ability you have to love and trust someone.

[smackie9]

Congratz you are dating a whore, now dump her ass.....if you don't then you are just as big of an idiot as those other guys.

[mwtzzz]

Backstory ( I'll make it quick)
So i did a very unhealthy thing for any relationship and looked.

It's only unhealthy if there isn't a good reason to do it.

Anyway, you ought to get together with the other guys, and all of you make a pact to break up with her in unison.

I'm very confused because of this behaviour.

Nothing confusing about it. She gets her rocks off having multiple partners in secret.

Im not sure how to approach the subject with her and dont want to tell her I looked at her phone because I really shouldnt have

There's no point, she'll just have a bunch of excuses. Best thing is, just leave her, change your phone number, and don't look back.

Please help! I do love her

You're going to have to get over this. Find someone worthwhile.

[mwtzzz]

a girl like that will destroy any ability you have to love and trust someone.

Excellent point.

[wryth]

Looking at some help forums etc I have found that she actually has all the qualities of a narcissist. Every bit of advice I've researched on that also says to walk away as you will be subject to years of emotional abuse if you dont, and only in rare cases will a relationship work with someone like this. I will spend the last few weeks I have here before my flight home having fun with eachother and trying to be happy with her and her happy with me then i think ill have to end it before i go.

Sad times.. but its the most rational/healthy choice I think.

[smackie9]

Don't you dare fall for her crocodile tears when you do.....just walk away.

[4 ratties]

It's pretty easy to figure out really. She's using you as a secure person in her life. To use to fill her loneliness becuz she doesn't want to be alone, but she also is a liar, a sneak. And a cheater. She has found a man that she can easily mannipulate and lie too. I don't see this Person changing anytime soon. All this will bring is heartache. Don't believe her lies. If she was ashamed of that stuff she wouldn't do it and she would of deleted the evidence. Run now.