I believe I'm too clingy with my girlfriend - any advice?

[Designation]

I have been dating this girl for 6-7 months, and I'm starting to worry about the way I act. We're both 18.
My being clingy certainly isn't something I've been accused of, because even if my girlfriend thought it I doubt she'd be inclined to tell me about it. I've observed that I'm emotionally clingy and while it's something I that know about, I don't seem to have much power over it.

She is inherently passive by nature and doesn't really drive the relationship - I can work with this, despite it not being ideal. Consequently I'm the more affectionate/romantic/intimate member of the relationship. This isn't a conclusion I've come to on my own; it's something she agrees on - it's also something she has no power over. While I'm at peace with it, it can result in clingy behavior from me. I'm consistently seeking reassurance and can't bring myself to ask for it, because it doesn't feel legitimate if I do - so I'm left somewhat frustrated when she doesn't understand.

It's currently something of an issue because she's a few thousand kilometers from me with her family for Christmas, and I won't see her for a few weeks - it's really shining a light on the problem. I recognize that it's largely my insecurities that are to blame the situation, so I'm left wondering if Reddit has any advice for reducing my clingy behavior?
Apart from this one problem, our relationship is solid - if anything's going to end it, it's the way I act.

I will provide any additional details upon request

tl;dr: I'm very emotionally clingy and can't seem to work past it, despite a relatively fulfilling relationship with someone I care a lot for. Any advice or insights regarding this kind behavior and how to get through it would be hugely appreciated.

[pcmaster]

Have a friends that are girls. Get to know them better realise that girls are not realy better than guys. Learn your value and have things going in your life that she dont have effect on. That should give you some backbone. Basicaly what makes you is who you are without her.(Dreams passions, goals, friends, loved ones,work, studies, emotional state, etc.)

[DalM0m]

If you are worried about coming off as clingy & needy, dial back your urge to text her constantly. Set yourself a limit & don't exceed it. don't pester her for details about every second of her day while you're apart. Simply ask if she is having fun on her vacation.

After meeting my husband, I went on a trip without him, a few months in. It had been planned before we met. When I came home, he gave me a bag of Hershey's kisses, saying they were to "make up" for the ones he couldn't give me while we were apart. It was one of the sweetest things ever. Try it, when she gets home.

[TheEvilJester]

I do have to agree with pcmaster's advice. Don't overdo it so your girlfriend worries you are trying to replace her, but it would be good to be friends with other girls so you get a sense that women, your girlfriend included, are just people too. That isn't to say she isn't special. If she is special to you, that is all that matters. But, it isn't like she is your end-all, be-all. God forbid, if your relationship didn't work out, there would eventually be somebody else for you. If your relationship does work out, great!

However, I get a sense that this is just kind of who you are in general. I know what that is like. I've always been the type of person who feels things WAY too much. It's a gift.... and a curse. (Again, my own personal version of Monk's OCD. LOL!) So, I've had to kind of learn this about myself and come to terms with it. What does that mean for guys like us? Well, we may feel things a lot more, and that includes love. So, when we are in a relationship, we feel in love/devoted to the person a lot more quickly.

The trick is you have to remember to engage your intellectual side as well. In other words, it is okay to FEEL this way (you can't help how you feel), but at the same time you need to remind yourself intellectually that it is another case of you sort of over-feeling, for lack of a better phrase. You need to know that your actions need to be more controlled than your feelings. That, and you also have to remind yourself that, no matter how much you feel in love, there is still always the chance that this will change. Hopefully it won't, and then that is great. But, if you put too much stock in the feelings you have for somebody too early on, you may just wind up letting yourself get hurt.

So, it is okay, in your own mind to be thinking "This girl could be the one!" when it is still perhaps too early to be saying that. But, you also have to have the presence of mind to say "But I do understand I am kind of rushing things, so I am prepared for the possible outcome that this does not work out." In other words, enthusiasm is fine, just don't let it run away with you. Does that make sense? Not sure I am really doing a good job in explaining that.

Either way, good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

Clinginess isn't a problem if your partner doesn't view it as such. My wife and I are very touchy-feely, and when one of us is not home, the other is calling/texting as often as possible. Hell, I walk out the door for work and call her on my way to work. We're good that way.

If your GF isn't complaining, why worry about it?

[pcmaster]

Watched good video today about this clinginess topic.

[4 ratties]

First off congrats on your successful relationship your in! I'm glad you've met someone that you really connect with. I'm not sure if you are insecure or just have a bit of an obsession with your girlfriend. It's great that you acknowledge and want to change the fact that you are so clingy with her. Have u talked to her at all about this? Communication makes a relationship so strong and you will feel closer. Especially getting this off your shoulders to her. I would not talk about this over text while she is on vacation really bad idea. I would wait til she gets back and tell her you've been feeling a bit insecure with the relationship. And ask her if she could assure you a bit more to help you feel more secure. Like saying I love you or you make me happy. And try to just trust. I know it's hard but it will drive u crazy until u finally give in and trust. Just know u can live with out her if anything goes wrong. Yes it will be painful but u can't live in fear and insecurity every day.

[TheEvilJester]

He's worried that he is coming across as too clingy. I don't think telling his girlfriend that he is having some insecurities about the relationship is necessarily a good idea. Doesn't that just possibly reinforce the clingyness? Not to mention, it very much sounds like the insecurities he is having are really more so in his own head. Trust me, I know what that is like. So, it may actually be better that he find a way to get over that himself rather than to burden his girlfriend with that. Sometimes you have to "pick your battles" so to speak. If this is just his own insecurities for little or no reason, then perhaps better that he not bring it up and just learn to get over it on his own.

After all, if you are constantly seeking reassurance in your relationship, eventually your partner is going to tire of it. They may start to wonder if you are ever going to feel secure in the relationship, or may even start to take offense that you cannot trust them.

I could be wrong for sure, but this just strikes me as being one of those situations where he is being insecure for no reason. Like I said, I know how that feels. So, it may be better, in case like this, if he were to start working on learning to get over that himself. If he had more serious reasons for feeling insecure about the relationship, then I would agree with you.

That said, I do agree with your overall sentiment. Healthy communication is the backbone of any good relationship.