He'd rather spend Christmas at his mother's-forever. Opinions please!

[Nom]

Ok so heres the situation… Currently in a LDR (only 2 hours apart).

He & I have been together one year and 6 months on January 11. Obviously our first Christmas we spent apart because we had only been together for 4-5 months and weren't that serious.

He is 25, currently at university and spends EVERY break at his mother's (winter, spring, the whole summer).

I hadn't realized how attached he was to his family, until now. He has 8 siblings and an infant nephew. He is second oldest and only he and his older brother have moved away from his mother's home. So apparently, EVERY Christmas they all go to his mom's and spend forever, and they all have a jolly old time, etc. They actually love and care about each other.

He has made such rash statements as he "loves me with all his heart," "wants to marry me some day," "will spend the rest of his life with me," yet, he will not spend either Thanksgiving or Christmas with me. He feeds me these lines like when he graduates (1.5 years) and we move back in together we can spend our Christmas together. He tells me that we will have to go to his mother's for at least one of the holidays every year.

He really seems to be banking on the fact that as soon as he graduates, everything will change. He'll all of a sudden be grown up and we'll move back in together and he won't need to see his mother every winter/spring/summer break (he will be going into education, so he won't be working during those times). But we'll have to go to her place for either Thanksgiving or Christmas or both every year.

All I have is a sister that lives in another state, and I'm living at my aunt's house right now, but we're all adults and do our own thing regardless of whether it's a holiday or not. I have spent the last few Christmases alone in either mine or someone else's home.

This year, we were making plans to have "our Christmas" the weekend before Christmas week, when his mother just randomly texted him and told him she needed him back on the 19th for a "special present." He literally just told her yes and broke our plans. I've just recently found out that the "special present" was a teeth cleaning at the dentist…. And then he springs on me "Even if we did have our Christmas on the weekend before Christmas, I'd have to leave on Saturday (He'd have only gotten in on Friday night) so I could be there for my mom's 50th birthday."

I broke up with him on Thursday after I found out he blew off our Christmas for a teeth cleaning… I'm so torn up over this. He keeps telling me he wants to work it out and this and that and keeps reeling me back in, but this time, it's over. He keeps acting like I want him to just never see his family again. He keeps throwing in my face that I'm making him choose between his family and myself. I don't see it that way. Isn't there a point in every persons life where they grow up and just stop going back to mommy for everything?

I'd really appreciate any opinions or advice.

[pcmaster]

Well I recently messaged girl who said she wants to spend Xmas in bed with a guy. So its understandable how you feel. This guy is too soft for you. He cant even bring fire less alone himself to relationship.

Blaming you just because you want Christmas together just shows hes weakness. Spending rest of his life with you is BS cause if he realy had this dream then he would be enought decisive to keep his word.

You cant trust him and this doubt would end up with pain sooner or later anyway. You did the right thing by dumping the fella. However it doesnt realy make diference now lol. You know you could find a guy who will need you as much as you need him by New year and spend it together. Not all the guys are obsesed motherlovers.

Check this guide and funny pictures

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/862...Christmas-Pics

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Babe ! ^_-

[basilandthyme]

There's no way my husband would go without seeing his family on Christmas day.....so I go to his family with him.

In your situation, I'm surprised he agreed to having Christmas with just the two of you. Knowing how much he values being with family on this holiday, I would have thought he'd invite you to his family's event.

[pcmaster]

Agree with Basil. Theres always a way how to be with loved ones. If he couldnt leave family then atleast get you there with him. Theres no excuse for this guy.

[Nom]

He hasn't agreed to having Christmas with just the two of us… And what of your situation? Do you not see your family or value having a celebration in your own home?

[pcmaster]

For me its random depending on location. But I apreciate warm people around me wether is friends or family Im spending Xmas with. All I can say is if you felt lonely before Xtmas then you will feel lonely afterwards. The Xmas dont change people. No matter holidays or not always be around people who can make you feel less alone.

[basilandthyme]

He hasn't agreed to having Christmas with just the two of us… And what of your situation? Do you not see your family or value having a celebration in your own home?

Yes, family is important and being in my home can be important too. Which is why we are hosting Christmas for his family this year. It's about working together to get everyone's needs met.

[Wakeup]

Yep... He's never invited you to his home for a holiday, no compromise whatsoever after a year and a half of exclusive dating. That's one huge red flag IMNSHO.

[anastasis]

With 8 siblings, I bet his mom is a wonderful cook. I can just imagine the holiday feasts they have.

I would certainly take that option. Girl friends come and go, but good home cooking is a family treasure that cannot be replaced.

[basilandthyme]

Did he not invite you for his family Christmas? Considering that you're not doing a family thing, I find THAT alarming.

Most often, if you end up with a guy who has family, you'll find that Christmas often tends to get shared around different people's houses.

[Nom]

I don't have a problem with the sharing of Christmas. I'm just upset over the fact that I haven't met his mother, he knows I'm sitting at home alone on Christmas and hasn't invited me to meet them, and the lack of care as far as blowing off our own personal Christmas. It's frustrating. Like he doesn't care. Only concerned with his family and I just disappear.

[anastasis]

When it comes down to possible motives in this investigation, only one of two options is a viable. Either he is ashamed of you meeting his family, or he is ashamed of his family meeting you. Under the hierarchy of those two catagories, several other branches may spring, but it's going to involve one or the other issue.

Are you the kind of girl he'd be proud to bring home to mom, the brothers and sisters? Does bringing you home to meet the family suggest commitments he is not ready to promise? Is he doing things with you that his family would not approve of? Is his family so utterly dysfunctional that he can't imagine you ever meeting them for any reason? All of these motives need to be taken into consideration. But the biggest issue here is failure to communicate.

One thing that is certain is that dishonesty is occuring. And personally, the teeth cleaning story is a joke. Nobody does that. Not even the most psychopathic.

[HeartIsAching]

I don't have a problem with the sharing of Christmas. I'm just upset over the fact that I haven't met his mother, he knows I'm sitting at home alone on Christmas and hasn't invited me to meet them, and the lack of care as far as blowing off our own personal Christmas. It's frustrating. Like he doesn't care. Only concerned with his family and I just disappear.

He didn't invite you to go?

You're not a priority in his life. I think you're a place-holder... time to skedaddle.