Over 5 Years Together - Partner developed feelings for someone else

[Nickoback]

Hey Guys,

Sorry about the lengthy post!

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years now, and have had a very fruitful relationship. We seemed perfect together, and that we were always in our own little world. I have never felt so loved and happy than what I have been with my partner. I really did think that she was the one - I still do.

About 6 months into our relationship I messed up. After a drunken night whilst away my ex found my tent I was not strong enough to refuse. I regret this everyday of my life. After about a year, I told my partner what I had done, as I could not be with with someone for the rest of my life with a dark secret. She would find out one day anyway - best to hear it from me.

She broke up with me, and I fought every day to be strong and be there for her. As she went out to parties , kissed other guys, I stood strong with nothing but hope that It would one day work. It was the toughest 9 months of my life.

After this my partner found some trust, and we dated for 4 years. It was great to have her again - even though she never really trusted me 100%. I cut out female friends, parties, going out. Just so she could feel at ease as much as possible.

Last week after her getting upset about us and how things weren't "how they used to be" I found out she developed feelings for someone else via messages. They talked of a relationship, being together - how I was nothing but an obstacle. There seemed to be real feelings, both intimate and romantic.

I confronted her. Not angrily, but obviously heart broken.

The next day after a sleepless night I found myself in her bed hugging and holding her. I felt like she needed someone. Her family lives away and I have always been there for her. I didn't know what else to do. She cried and told me how much of a mistake it was - and that it would never happen again.

After an emotional week - with very high highs and the lowest of lows we seemed to plateau, until on Sunday night I found more recent messages. That she missed him, that she enjoyed the photos that he sent to her during the week. That she thinks we wouldn't work, and she likes him.

This broke me - twice in one week. I confronted her again to just break down in front of her. I have never really feel my heart truely hurt until then. She apologized again and told me we can make this work.

And here we are... I need her to cut off all ties with this person. And i don't know if she has... I feel she hides her phone and Ipad so I cannot see the messages - or is that me over thinking things?

I hate not being with her - and the fact that his mates are all of her work colleagues makes it so hard when she leaves for work.

What do I do guys? How do I know if she has really cut all ties? She tells me it will be ok and she loves me.

I am trying to make this work, but I am hanging on a thread. Is this her way of making things even? To allow us to trust each other again and build this relationship from the ground up?

Would love any input you pros have!

Thankyou so much.

Nicko

[michelle23]

Shes having an emotional affair. Remember how angry she was when you cheated? How she dumped you? And you learned a hard lesson? That is the only way she is going to learn from this too. She needs to lose you (if only temporarily) and she needs to decide on her own who is more important.

The trust has not been there for 4 years so the emotional connection is not strong enough. Shes probably not seeking revenge but hes giving her something shes not getting from you.

You cant have a healthy relationship with no trust so end this now and give it some time. If she can prove she really is sorry and wants to make it work then get couples counselling

[spanz]

if you love someone, you have to set her free. Let her have her fling...it is the only way the two of you can find out if you are the couple you hoped to be. She is getting something from the cyber relationship that YOU are not giving her. try to find out from her what that something is. But you might not be able to provide it for her. you might not truly want to, and she senses that. Could be a hundred reasons, but smothering her, accusing her, trying to hold her down at this point...is simply not going to work.

you do have a right to demand honesty in the relationship. If she is going out to see this guy, she should not be hiding it, nor rubbing it into your face either.

[RambleOn]

You cheated on her and she cheated on you and you want to know if this will work? Really. If you think it is hard as bf and gf wait until you get married and add kids, house, dogs, grandma and grandpa all all the other strings attached. End it, go through the emotional trauma, and start again. Next time dont break the trust with your women. For women trust is everything.