miserable and confused

[untangled]

My girlfriend and best friend of one year broke up with me two weeks ago because she felt I'm too dependent on her and wouldn't allow her enough space. Over the last couple weeks I am really understanding what she meant. I should have gave her more space and allowed her to be her own person and if I could take it all back and do it again I would. When she broke up with me she said that this is time for both of us to think clearly and that it would improve our relationship. Wouldn't that imply that this is only A break? After the first week I left to sanfransisco and I heard from friends that she was crying because I left and didn't want me to find someone else. I came back after a few days and she said she needed to talk to me. Today we talked in person and she told me that she wants to give me another chance but wants to be friends first to see that I really changed. I can't help but feel like she doesn't want to let me go but wants her freedom too. It feels like she thinks she can't have both me and her freedom so she's keeping me at arms length to make sure that I don't move on while still maintaining her absolute freedom from me. I'm an emotional wreck. I want her back but I can't just be friends with her. Any advice? I know this was long and confusing so let me know if you have any questions. I want her back...

[Mattiemae]

This happens all the time to people and sometimes it is necessary to take a break and just be friends. During this period of time is when you need evaluate what you both need to work on individually and make changes for the better so you don't keep breaking up. She's asking you to stop being a co-dependent. More to have a relationship that you both can stand up on your own two feet individually. Be secure and trust each other without having to hang on to each other all the time. To do your own things, friends, activities, but sitll come together without having to worry about the other being jealous, or resentful, or feeling like she has to be with you 24/7. So while you don't think you can make it through the friendship process, if you really want to be with her, take advantage of the moment to find out what you need to work on and make those changes that are needed!

[basilandthyme]

Untangled, your position is both reasonable and understandable.

But on the positive, her wanting to be friends with perhaps a view to reconciling has given you the opportunity to put an iron in two fires. Tell her that you will be friends, but will start dating again. Tell her that if and when she decides to try again, you will consider it if you are available. You must not give her all the power to dictate your future.

If you approach like this, there will only be good outcomes for you:

1. she will freak out about you dating other people and want to get back together.

2. she will agree to it ...giving you the opportunity to wait and see what happens while also getting to see and trial other girls. You may well find someone you like better.

3. she will refuse and not be friends and not get back together - which would only prove that she was trying to have her cake and eat it too. And that she only wanted to keep you around as sad ex lover/friend.