Letter

[TAVS]

I'm writing a letter to my gal explaining a few things. At the end, I've asked her one simple question, "Why shouldn't I give up on us?" I'm telling her I dont want to hear from her again until she can answer that question. If she can't do that for me, then there's nothing here for me.

[shh!]

Sorry, darling, but refresh my memory. Aren't you the guy who is waiting for 6 months to see what your status will be, and aren't you at around the mid-way point?

[TAVS]

Yea, thats me. I'm not saying I wont keep waiting, I just want her to answer me that one question. I'm tired of the mixed signals. It was a month ago I told her I was moving on, she said I was giving up too easily, and I've been sticking around without a better explanation.

[whaywardj]

Nothing quite as good as an ultimatum to make one less bellicose.

[TAVS]

It's not an ultimatum, just a question.

[whaywardj]

Nooo. Think about it. You're saying "if you don't this, then that." That's an ultimatum.

[shh!]

What mixed signals? As I recall, she wanted a six month break, but has been having friendly conversations with you in the interim, which I would interpret as a positive sign. Have I missed something?

[TAVS]

Here's what my letter mentions...

"On one hand, you've shown me signs of life. You gave me a simple card and table decoration, rested your head on my shoulder, and was kind enough to let me know you arrived safely on your trip. On the other hand, you didn't even sign the card Love, but only wrote Susan, stopped giving me hugs, spoke of moving out of state, and skipped out on our Wednesday plans for the week. That's not exactly a huge issue, but just two weeks ago we were hanging out every couple evenings and now it’s like you don’t even care if you see me."

If you remember, the table decoration seemed to have a wedding date on it, Sept 23, 2006.

[shh!]

Oh, yeah. It's all coming back to me, now. Did you ask what the date was supposed to be when she gave it to you?

[TAVS]

No, she gave it to me as I was leaving and when I tried to call her 3 minutes later she didn't answer. That's part of the point right there! I'm half in the dark and as a result I end up tripping all over.

[shh!]

Yeah, I looked up that date, and it is a Saturday (a possible wedding day unless you are Jewish). You've given her about 3 months of distance?

[TAVS]

Yea. Pretty much. I'd only count the first two months as one though cause I probably wasn't dealing with it as well as I should have if you know what I mean. With a couple exceptions (more and less) I've seen her like once a week.

[shh!]

I've been thinking about this, TAVS, and I have to say that she sounds a bit like she is toying with you. You may deserve some of this because as I recall, you were a bit of a brat with her at first. However, you do seem sorry, and it seems like you are basically a nice guy, and have probably learned your lesson. I don't believe in punishing someone who is sorry, so I think perhaps she is carrying this whole thing on longer than necessary. So go ahead and send the note, but I'm not sure it is necessary to give any ultimatum. Maybe just asking for explanation or open dialogue is enough.

On the other hand, I don't actually know you, so maybe she is right in messing with you. But I don't think so. Good luck.

[TAVS]

I wasn't disrespectful at all, just a bit of a control freek I suppose. I don't think she's toying with me either; that's not the sort of person she is. I believe without a doubt she is just confused and not sure what she wants with me, and with herself. To be honest, I'd be satisified with even the simplest answer

"Don't give up, because I do care, I just need your patience"

Even something like that would endure the following 3 months (passing her birthday and mine )

[shh!]

I don't know what to say. I have never been so indecisive, although I realize lots of women are. It must suck to be a man.