Boyfriend of 4 years freaking out about moving in together

[misss]

I'm 33 yrs old and my boyfriend is 38. We have been dating for 4 years and have been talking about marriage the last 2 years. Our relationship is solid. We get along and don't drive each other too crazy. We hardly fight. He treats me the best I've ever been treated. Late last year he said that we would move in together this coming summer. I live with a roommate, another girl and we don't really get along well. My boyfriend lives with his younger brother. I'm not happy with my living situation and that's why my bf said we should move in together.

About a month ago I was looking up different apartments for us and I showed him what I found. We discussed it and everything seemed good. Later that nite I asked him if he was nervous about living together as neither of us have ever lived with someone before. He said I'm a little nervous......actually freaking out a little bit bc its such a big step. It really through me off bc it was his idea to begin with. So a couple days later I told him I didn't think he was ready to move in together if he's freaking out so I basically said that we were no longer living together come the summer. He still thinks we are and said he should have never said anything.

I told him that we shouldn't move in now unless we are engaged or married. When I said that he said that he has been thinking about us getting married recently which doesn't make sense when he has been bringing it up for the last 2 years.

I'm really tired of my living situation.....I'm not happy at all. I started looking at apartments for myself again and even brought it up to bf and he didn't really say anything about it.

I love my bf with all my heart and I can't imagine myself with anyone else. But I'm starting to feel like its never going to happen. We definitely aren't young and rushing into anything...so I just don't understand what's going on. Very frustrated and wondering if it'll never happen and if I need to let him go bc he'll never be ready. Hoping I gave enough info....any advice would be great.

[Smila]

Nope!! he is not ready(and probably never will)....he is already enjoying what you guys have ...why should be want to change the status quo..

From his point of view, there are no added incentives for him to up the ante...

But, it is not uncommon for men to develop cold feet when sh*t gets real...

[basilandthyme]

He said I'm a little nervous......actually freaking out a little bit bc its such a big step. It really through me off bc it was his idea to begin with. So a couple days later I told him I didn't think he was ready to move in together if he's freaking out so I basically said that we were no longer living together come the summer. He still thinks we are and said he should have never said anything.

I bet he is regretting being honest with you. Perhaps he just needed a bit of reassurance. But you've gone and made a unilateral decision without even asking him further about it.

It never will happen if you freak out and pull the plug on things just because he's not so great with change.

[smackie9]

Good god take that bee out of your butt. The guy was just being open with you, which is a good thing. By no means his feelings about this is negative, everyone naturally gets nervous about the moving in step, even if they have done it before with other relationships. Sounds to me you are the one with doubts not him.

Take it from someone that's been with their guy for over 24 years, you should be supportive through this new journey you both are about to take. This is how it be like when you get married so you better get into good practice with it now.

[4 ratties]

im confused.. all he did was say he was nervous.. what is wrong with that? your lucky u have a bf that is open with you and tells u how he feels. moving in is a big step I cant believe u havent lived together yet, especially at your age but I guess that works for u guys. I see nothing wrong with ur bf saying he was a nervous and u just totally took it the wrong way and now are making moving in together a drama negative thing. please dont do that. thats childish. u guys need to live together. this relationship needs to progress somehow.

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