girlfriend strayed

[soulsacr]

Been in a relationship with a girl for 8 years. Have had our ups and downs like anyone else. Been planning on getting engaged soona nd she knew that. Not making excuses but I have been under financial pressure and I have been mistreating her verball. I sensed that she was talking to a guy at work(due to her behavior) so I told her if she was going to be running around she shouldn't do it while living with me. Things blew up and she left our apt. After she left I asked her if we were still togehter and she said yes that she just needed time to herself. While she was gone she was still paying rent coming over for sex. While she was gone I worked on myself and decided never to be do her wrong again. She comes back a month or so after she leaves we start working things out and she sees the changes in behaviorm. I ask her if she went out and did anything cause I sensed it she said nothing happened. After about a month of her being back I look through her phone and come to find out that she hung out with this guy(who has a girlfriend) and they ended up making out. Find out she was s texting and flirting with him after coming back to me but nothing happened after she returned. Says that she thought we were over and that his attention was nice and that she should of stopped texting him after she came back. I have stayed with her so far and still plan to marry her any advice?

[Cerby]

Sounds like the relationship is a mess and getting married won't "solve the problem". That said, she was single for a month, so what she did during that time is her business.

[soulsacr]

So what about her lying to me about still ebing together so I could of at least known we were single? These problems have only been in the last few months since getting back together we are working things out and love each other just looking for input and advice during this rebuilding/forgiving/forgetting time

[snakeeyes]

While lying is definitely no excuse, the bottom line is you need to figure out if you still love her. Point is, you both made mistakes, and she did own up to her mistake. Now if she continues after you guys visited this problem, yeah I'd definitely bail. But right now the question is do you love her enough to forgive her and move on. But that also means kind of keeping your guard up telling her straight up that if it happens again, you're done. So basically, forgive but don't forget. You've known her for 8 years, while it's good to follow your heart, don't let anger or temporary emotions get the better of you but also make sure you can think straight. Which also opens the option of asking her for time to think about things.

[soulsacr]

I do love her that's why I have chosen to stay with her and work through thism. That being said it is still difficult to understand her actions especially leading me on like she did. It is very difficult to get past this and love her like before but I'm doing it because I do care and love for her immensely but part of me that is keeping its guard up makes me question myself and my ability to still love her despite this. I have told her that I will not forgive her ever again no matter the circumstance. I want to move forward with our plans to build a future together.

[snakeeyes]

That's the thing about love. Since you do and you're willing to do that, don't question yourself. It may seem really confusing right now but if you can move past it and give her that second chance, then eventually as you guys continue the way you are it will become more clear. Time does that, it reveals things that we may not know right away. The whole point of having someone in your life is either a blessing or a lesson. And that's what you'll find with her. Just trust in everything that it will be ok, and hopefully that guard that you put up will eventually fade away. It's all about taking that leap of faith.