What's the right thing to do?

[Charlottebvb94]

Hey
I'm 19, I've been in a relationship since last July. He's a lot older than me (9years) When we were 13 weeks into our relationship he proposed to me. I accepted because at the time this is what I wanted. Recently we've been arguing, his family hate me for no reason at all and I just think were two completely different people. Some of the arguments we've been having are pretty big and sometimes I feel like I don't wanna make up with him but I always do anyway. I am bisexual and have been speaking to a friend for a while who is a women and I think I may have fallen in love with her. We've never actually met that's what we are going to do this Thursday but there's just something tht feels right about this. I am nervous as I've never been with a women before. We've decided to meet up a few times first before we decided what to do next. My problem is that I don't know how to break up with the guy I'm with right now. Everytime we talk about it he says if he didn't have me hed kill himself and I don't want that. I'm also worried if I break up with him that I will lose my friends because I think they'll stick up for him. What should I do? He isn't right for me but I think she is!

[basilandthyme]

Charlotte, there is two parts to this problem and they need to be considered separately.

1. Your fiance. You need to remove the girl you've been taking with from the equation and decide whether or not you'd stay with him even if you have no future with her. From what you write, I totally agree that you should end it. The engagement was too quick, he's too old, you've been fighting, his family hates you...and heck, you haven't even known him for a year. You should be still in the honeymoon phase!

On the topic of losing your friends. The general rule of thumb is that when you break up, he takes his original friends and you take your original friends. So, you should still have your school mates. And frankly, if your friends dumped you because you broke up with a boy - then they're really crap friends aren't they. Good friends will see your happiness as a priority.

Regarding him saying that he'll kill himself in response to you discussing leaving....that's called manipulation. He's guilting you into staying with him. Is this the kind of man you want to be with? Even if he does attempt suicide, it's likely to be a further push to guilt you into staying. You need to rise above his manipulation and do what's right for you.

2. The other girl. This may or may not work. You've never met her, so at present she's not much more than a fantasy. Just promise that you won't jump from one relationship straight into another. Hang out with her if you like and get to know her...take it step by step.

[smackie9]

Easy....you are 19 and need to experience life on your own. Marriage is for down the road so get out now. Get on with your life, enjoy sex and explore other types of relationships, have fun. You will learn you are not defined by who you are with but how you live your life.