Need my ex back, how does he feel? is it really over?

[Rose1994]

My boyfriend of 17 months broke up with me nearly four weeks ago.
He already has another girlfriend, however, we are choosing to remain friends, though she isn't happy about it...
We've spoken pretty much every day since we broke up, I have done what I'm not supposed to and begged for him to come back, but we've over come that and had normal conversations.
The Saturday after he ended it, he came and collected some things he left at my house, I was in tears, I couldn't help it, I was still begging, and towards the end, he cried a little too, something he has never done. He says he still cares about me but he's with this other girl now
There was some rowing over messaging but since then we've both calmed down a bit. We had an argument last Thursday, and I finally decided not to send multiple messages out of frustration. I just left him, and by Saturday he text me asking to meet while his girlfriend was at work.
We went to the local park, he tried to push me in the water, we were practically wrestling out in public, we went to the cinema too, he paid for EVERYTHING! He also called his girlfriend as he was driving me home to say he would be late picking her up as he was taking me (he didn't say because he was taking me (she knew he was with me as far as I'm aware) and I did offer to get the bus home). We hugged goodbye
There was a bit of flirty texting when I got home (I waited until he messaged me) but when I (casually) asked him to ask me to hang out the night before next time (my family tried to stop me going out, so next time I want to be able to tell my mum without the screaming and shouting), he said he didn't know if we would be able to hang out again as his girlfriend didn't like that it wasn't helping me get over him (she expected four hours, two of them that were spent watching a movie, to get me over him, really?!) . So I got a bit upset at that.
Then he changed his profile picture on them to Facebook, I know it was stupid to get upset but he never did that for me, despite me asking... since then, there has been some confusing text messages, I asked if he wanted me in his life and if he missed me, and he said what he wants doesn't matter...
...my friends think this means he wants me back... what do you think?
The next day, he still didn't tell me what he wanted (not seriously anyway, just that he wanted to sleep) so I changed tactic slightly, and asked if he wanted to see me again, he said maybe, depending on if his girlfriend was ok with it, and he insisted again today that he does want to be friends
We aren't talking constantly, and I am waiting for him to speak first, just like all the sites say. But seriously, how do I get him back... and I need him so much... and I don't know what to do, please help... don't tell me to leave him alone... this needs to happen

[basilandthyme]

If you really want him back (despite the fact that he dumped you), you have to make him MISS you. And the only way to make him miss you is to refuse to hang out with him unless you're his girlfriend. Not that there's any guarantees of it working, but it's got more chance than you being all girlfriendy without the commitment.

As for "what he wants doesn't matter". I don't read that as him wanting you back. I read that as him confessing that he has insufficient balls to stand for what's important to him.

[Rose1994]

But what if he doesn't want that? I still need him around, even if we aren't together, if I say that, I might not see him again...

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And what do you think is important to him from what I've said?

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But what if he doesn't want that? I still need him around, even if we aren't together, if I say that, I might not see him
And what do you think is important to him from what I've said?

[pcmaster]

By keeping contact you are just making breakup harder for eachother.

This guide could help you get him back.

[bekho]

He's just a kid Whos getting attention from girls. He's not going to stop on the spot and say it should stop cos its wrong. In his mind and probably with his friends he is bragging about the potential for a little 3some. Unless u are game for being a little something on the side for him, u should get over him quickly as he seems to have. If u carry on being beside him and sharing his time with his new gf, in the end you'll get really hurt.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Rose1994]

But I want him back, someone needs to help me get him to choose me over her

[basilandthyme]

But what if he doesn't want that? I still need him around, even if we aren't together, if I say that, I might not see him again...

And you might not see him again even if you don't say that. Frankly, I agree with his girlfriend....and if he respects her, he'll stop hanging out with you. Time to face facts: very few exes maintain a relationship - and it's for good reason.

And what do you think is important to him from what I've said?

Damned if I know. I reckon you should have asked him what he meant

[Rose1994]

Well we're trying to be friends... I'm not forcing him to do this. If he didn't want to, he could just ignore me, delete me and block me on everything

I did ask him, as I said above, he just said sleep and to go home. Though this is obviously not what he meant

[chinagirl]

Common Rose, just friends, REALLY? Who are you kidding? I know you don't want to hear this, but I will say it anyway, LEAVE HIM and his GF ALONE.

The guy dumped you. After the begging, texting, and other drama, please SAVE whatever PRIDE that is left in you... It's very unattractive in the eyes of your BF right now, and it's almost PATHETIC in the eyes of the current GF.

I know I sound mean, but I'm old enough to know that you will not get him back, not the way you are acting anyway. Cry, beg, text all you want, it's not going to happen. Mourn the lost of your BF and get on with your life for your own sake.

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Well we're trying to be friends... I'm not forcing him to do this. If he didn't want to, he could just ignore me, delete me and block me on everything

I did ask him, as I said above, he just said sleep and to go home. Though this is obviously not what he meant

And of course you're forcing him to be friends with you by bombarding him with your texts. He probably just don't know how to say it in a blunt way to leave him alone.

Either that or he is using you as a back up when things are bad between him and his GF.

And trust me, you don't want to wait for the day when he blocks, ignores and delete you...that will be more painful and difficult to accept.

[Rose1994]

I'm not leaving him alone, unless one of us decides to do so. I'm not crying and begging now, we're fine. I'm not bombarding him! I'm waiting for him to talk to me! I haven't sent multiple messages in weeks! (Apart from spelling errors)

But if he really wanted me out of his life, he would do those things, as that's the kind of person he is.

Why won't anyone on a site just help me?!

[DonnaK]

Seems to me people are trying to help you, but you won't listen to them because they aren't telling you what you want to hear. Which is, keep on being a doormat for him. People here aren't going to tell you that & I'm 1 that won't either.

Don't you think you are being a little desparate here by wanting him in your life so much that you beg him to come back? He isn't the last man on earth, you will find someone else. Hell HE found someone else & you both should respect that he has someone else.

[Rose1994]

I'm not giving up on true love
You just don't do that

[chinagirl]

I'm not leaving him alone, unless one of us decides to do so. I'm not crying and begging now, we're fine. I'm not bombarding him! I'm waiting for him to talk to me! I haven't sent multiple messages in weeks! (Apart from spelling errors)

But if he really wanted me out of his life, he would do those things, as that's the kind of person he is.

Why won't anyone on a site just help me?!

Sweetie, we are helping you...you are just way too stubborn to listen. Have it your way... One day, he will tell you to GET OUT of his LIFE and he will totally DELETE you. Trust me on this. Either he will have the balls to do it on his own, or the CURRENT GF will ask him to do it, and he will.

[Rose1994]

He won't, I know what he's like, he's even more stubborn than me

[DonnaK]

I'm not giving up on true love
You just don't do that

It's NOT true love! If it was you 2 would not have broken up in the first place. OR You both would be back together trying again & he sure as hell wouldn't have a girlfriend.

So maybe in YOUR MIND it's true love, but to him it's not. He has a freaking new woman in his life!!