Loose Ends (help appreciated)

[Rompi]

Hey Everyone

My first post here, I thought I'd deal with some immediate issues I have. Sorry it's a long one

My girlfriend broke up with me a bit over a week ago. We had been friends for a while and eventually, we entered an intimate relationship for about 4 months. I had made it quite clear that I had feelings of love for her and she was afraid as she didn't feel she could reciprocate the same intensity of my feelings. She also knew I was prone to depression and felt that my passion was destructive, as I relied upon her to be happy, making the relationship unstable. After some appealing to her that we could solve this issue and eventually a bit of begging (I admit), I finally accepted her decision and hugged her goodbye. The breakup was very civil, we were both a bit upset, but neither of us got angry or hysterical. We are both young (she's 17, I'm 16).

At the moment, I'm feeling a bit depressed. I still love her and it hurts knowing I cannot be with such a magnificent person. I feel she is right about my emotional instability and I'm going to work on myself to become a better, happier person. I know I'm young and these feelings may be overly fanciful and dramatic, but that is no excuse to trivialise them as in the end, emotions cannot be subdued. I have tried to rationalise them before, but it is impossible. Also please note that although I've been tempted, I haven't contacted her at all thus far. I feel it is important for us to have some space for now if we are to ever see each other again (friends or lovers).

Anyway, I have some things that are still on my mind and need to be resolved. I was hoping some people on this forum would be kind enough to give me some advice, given my inexperience (this was my first relationship with someone). I will number my concerns in order of immediate importance.

1. What is the best way to feel happier and recover from this? I hate my school, as I am lonely there (I don't have many friends), making day to day life miserable. I love playing music (double bass jazz!) and this helps, but I usually play alone as I am not involved in too many groups. I love being creative, but at the moment, I feel sapped of energy and ideas. How should I pave my road to recovery and become a stronger, better, happier, more amazing person? I feel this is not only the best way to move on, but also the best way to show her that I am capable of change.

2. Due to life's circumstances, I will have to see her again in a few weeks time as we both play in a jazz band (medium group of about 10) together. Although she offered to leave, I felt that would be wrong and we agreed we would both still attend as we both love music. I'm still feeling tender and I'm starting to have second thoughts. I love the music group, but I don't know if I can stand seeing her.
Should I a)Leave? b)Speak to her about it to mitigate the emotional discomfort or c)Just go and try my best to just enjoy the music and the other musicians there.

3. I still have her old ipod that she lent me for music. I don't want it anymore as it reminds me of her too much. I was thinking of putting it in an envelope and dropping it off at her house (in the mailbox or at the front door). Just a few questions about how to go about this.
Am I doing this too soon? Should I give her her ipod back when I am feeling a bit more emotionally stable?
I was thinking of putting a short message on the envelope. Just 'Thanks for the good times. I have no regrets.' or something. Is this okay, or is it better that I leave the envelope message-less?

4. When we were breaking up, she said some things that confused me and have been taunting my thoughts.
She said stuff like 'I feel as if this relationship would've been great if we were both at uni.' (She knows that school brings me down as it is a cold, unfriendly place. It is something that made me more reliant upon our relationship for comfort.)
As well as something like 'I feel like this is the best relationship I could ever have, but it just isn't working.'
Are comments like these indications that there is hope for this relationship in the future if I work on improving myself and becoming a happier human being? Or was she trying to sugar coat the breakup as she didn't want to hurt my feelings? I'm trying not to get hung up on these words, maybe someone can put my musings to rest?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and help me out. Any responses would be greatly appreciated!
Rompi

[smackie9]

I think she is just sugar caoting thing because she knows how emotionally raw you are. What she doesn't realize how much damage she is doing, giving you false hope. I know that's a hard one to chew on, but it's just the way life can be for anyone.

You are in this position because you have codependency issues. (look it up). Your depression, loneliness, is what pulls you away from having friends and healthy relationships. It's a vicious cycle that you need to put a stop to. First thing is to locate others that have the same intertests as you, mostly can be found through social media, like forums. Socializing, sharing interests and stories will give you a good start on your recovery. These are feel good things, everyone needs a hobby, and some kind of social interaction. Next take yourself out of your comfort zone. Explore doing new things like joining a club, a sport that you can participate in after school. Next get a job. Work is a great place to meet new people and make friends. If you get going on building a social circle, you will stop depending on a girl to bring you happiness. You need to be fulfilled, happy, surrounded by friends in order to be metally ready to have a healthy relationship with someone. That is how it works. When you seek out a relationship to fulfill your life, it becomes destructive, like you friend had told you. She is very observant young lady, she was spot on with what she had predicted with you.

You want to dump your feelings for her, well that just takes time. The only thing you can do is get busy with your life and improving it by what I told you to do. please keep in touch with us for any further questions you may have.

[Rompi]

Thanks for the help smackie. Although your words were not pleasant to accept, I appreciate them. I think I am very susceptible to false hope, but this has made me realise that she almost certainly won't be back (at least as a partner, but let's not complicate things yet). I'm going to start working on myself, I've taken up running almost every morning, I'm looking for new music opportunities, I've re-established contact with old friends and I'm just focusing on my studies in school rather than the fact I hate the place. She's certainly still on my mind, and it really hurts to think of her, especially considering she broke up because she actually cared about me. Luckily I don't have facebook, so any temptation to check up on her is nullified. I've also still resisted the urge to call her. Thank you once more. I still have some immediate matters/thoughts that are disturbing me, so I will certainly post again soon.