Turned down a man that was interested in me because I have a bf, guilt feeling?

[Carlina]

Few days ago I met this man and we ended up sitting next to each other and chatting in the train. We were just discussing things like jobs, movie interests etc. All and all it was a really nice conversation. He ended up asking my Facebook so that we could keep in touch with each other and if I wanted to I could lend some movies from him. Never ever did I get vibe from him that he was interested in me romantically, nor did I give him that vibe.

When I got home I saw that he had send me a private message saying that he is in a dilemma and I asked him why, assuming he would say something about his work or so. He ends up telling me that I'm an incredibly interesting women and he would love to ask me out but he saw that I'm in a relationship on Facebook. I thanked him for the compliment and said I could only do the friend thing. I also apologized if he got the wrong vibe from me or so during the conversation.

He is pretty ehm heartbroken by it? I even explained to him that I might have been really nice during that conversation, but it was just a conversation. It's kind of weird to me that he basically fell in love with me based on 1 conversation. Even told him that if he were to get to know me better as friends he would he relieved to not be in a relationship with me as I can have some negative aspects to me lol. But even then he said he highly doubted that.

Anyway I kind of feel bad for the guy, he also just got over his ex and now I'm turning him down as well. Anyone any idea how to deal with this? I was thinking about meeting up with him in real life and just talk it out decently instead of on Facebook and just make it clear where I stand. Good or bad idea?

[Wakeup]

How to deal with it? Delete him and unfriend him for Christ sakes. You owe him nothing and if he's attracted to you the last thing you want to do is make the poor chump your girlfriend with dangly bits.

Get a life. You don't need new male friends that you know want you for more then a friend hounding over you when you're in a relationship. If you're sincere in handling this correctly then defriend him so he gets the hint and stops fawning over you. It's very simple.

[dem862]

Many women don't realize that an awful lot of men approach them because they only want sex. The better ones will schmooze you a little bit, but in the end, that is all they need from you, or money. Most men don't really want a woman for a friend, unless he is gay. Frankly, shoes and shopping are not a guy's idea of a good time. Why don't women get this?

[smackie9]

Tip: 99% of men, 1% being gay, have only one interest when they approach you and that is for sexual/romantic reasons and nothing else. His mistake: he didn't ask you straight up if you were single, stupidly he just assumed you were available. Your mistake: never give your personal information to a guy you have no sexual/romantic interest in. When you oblige them with your FB address, they are under the assumption you have an interest in them. Learn to say "No it wouldn't be appropriate because I have a BF."

Tip for the guys: Just because a girl has a conversations with you/ smiles at you, doesn't mean she has a sexual/romantic interest in you.

Communicating your intentions is key.....in other words stop beating around the bush or assume there is an interest. Ask her out on a date.

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Many women don't realize that an awful lot of men approach them because they only want sex. The better ones will schmooze you a little bit, but in the end, that is all they need from you, or money. Most men don't really want a woman for a friend, unless he is gay. Frankly, shoes and shopping are not a guy's idea of a good time. Why don't women get this?

Because women are different.....they only have one head that does all the thinking.

[Wakeup]

illogical thinking lacking in common sense then. lol

[searock]

You don't owe him anything. Just because you had a friendly conversation with him doesn't mean that you should feel guilty for not being romantically/physically interested in him. Your guilt is completely unfounded. Just tell him you think it's best if you don't talk anymore since you clearly want different things, and delete him + block him on facebook.

[Carlina]

Thanks for the helpful comments! I have a really big heart and I'm really emphatic so that's really why the guilt is there. Reading these comments helps to put some sense in my brain lol. And I have many male friends, yes friends and they are straight and some of them are in a relationship. It's completely normal and yes possible.

[smackie9]

Oh I'm not doubting you can have males friends, it's when it's a total stranger ia asking you for your info...come on the guy was obviously interested. pshhhhhewwwww! over your head.

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How about this, next time you get involved in an intense conversation with a guy like that again, be sure to mention your BF....then see how quickly the conversation drops off........

[pcmaster]

I remember you Carlin. You are that girl with boyfriend of 3 years who were changed and we all told you he dont loves you. Does he still works and plays video games? Is he better BF now, are you satisfied? Maybe you feel guilty cause you are not realy happy in your relationship.

loveforum.net/threads/86353-Boyfriend-has-changed-and-putting-me-down

[chinagirl]

I remember you Carlin. You are that girl with boyfriend of 3 years who were changed and we all told you he dont loves you. Does he still works and plays video games? Is he better BF now, are you satisfied? Maybe you feel guilty cause you are not realy happy in your relationship.

loveforum.net/threads/86353-Boyfriend-has-changed-and-putting-me-down

There you go....

[Carlina]

I remember you Carlin. You are that girl with boyfriend of 3 years who were changed and we all told you he dont loves you. Does he still works and plays video games? Is he better BF now, are you satisfied? Maybe you feel guilty cause you are not realy happy in your relationship.

loveforum.net/threads/86353-Boyfriend-has-changed-and-putting-me-down

He really has! He works now and is saving up money, paying his school loans etc. We had a good conversation about it and luckily he changed for the better. Time will only tell where our relationship will go, but for now I'm really happy in it. I think he just started slacking because he couldn't find a decent job. Now that he has a job, he barely games and is back with his racing bike doing competitions.

Honestly if the guy would have asked for my number then I would have definitely said that I have a bf, but he asked for my Facebook so to me that screamed friends lol. The awkward thing was that the whole train was pretty much looking at us and listening to our conversation, double awkward!

[dem862]

Thanks for the helpful comments! I have a really big heart and I'm really emphatic so that's really why the guilt is there. Reading these comments helps to put some sense in my brain lol. And I have many male friends, yes friends and they are straight and some of them are in a relationship. It's completely normal and yes possible.

Maybe it's something with the younger generation. Many modern young men these days seem to have had their balls cut off thanks to feminism.

[smackie9]

No there are guys that just don't have the confidence and do the chat on FB for a few weeks before he can musters up the courage to ask you out. It seems to be the on going theme these days. I blame it on social media.....makes people socially inept because they hide behind IM and texting and can't do it in person. Lame.

[searock]

*facepalm* at some comments

[Wakeup]

Truth hurts perhaps? lolzzz (teasing you Sea)

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Honestly if the guy would have asked for my number then I would have definitely said that I have a bf, but he asked for my Facebook so to me that screamed friends lol. The awkward thing was that the whole train was pretty much looking at us and listening to our conversation, double awkward!

What's wrong with you that you have to collect male admirers and house them in your social networking page?

You know this guy was asking you out because he wanted to romance you, not be your "friend" (if you don't know that then grow the fvck up and realize that when a man approaches you out of the blue his motive is to get with you, not chat with you on your attention whoring facebook site.