ex-girlfriend of 7 years loves someone else

[qemisTe]

Hi All,

My state has went from being very depressed in the very beginning ca. 3 months ago, to now simply feeling hurt but moving forward, slowly, but surely.
I was in a long distance relationship with a girl whom I loved deeply for about 7 years. I was 18 when I met her, she was 17. We tried to make it work and for the most part the long distance wasn't as much of an issue as one would think. We made attempts to constantly visit each other, webcam, text, phone, etc. etc. We were incredibly much in love. I will save you a lot of reading here. Fast forward to 2013, things became rocky; an attempt to have her move down to where I lived backfired due to financial reasons even though I had stabilized rather quickly afterward. She broke it off with me ~July 19, 2013 because of it. She felt like I wasn't serious about her even though that was far from the truth. It was a time that still makes my stomach twist and twirl if I think back on it as it was the first time we had a serious break-up. It was just the absolute worst. She changed her number and was very angry with me, perhaps rightfully so. I tried to make it up to her which I did. We got back together for 2 months starting Septemer-ish after I drove 1600 mi to see her. I just got in the car and drove aimlessly infatuated with the thought of "i must fight for us, i have to show her that she means the World to me". That's how I felt. I didn't want to give up on us. Maybe she was flattered, who knows, we got back together 2 weeks after my drive, even though she put me through hell in those two months that we did. She made me feet unimportant. She just wasn't the same, even though I had learned from my mistake of betraying her with the move. I showed her I cared by supporting her in every way I could, supporting her freelance career, her sister's, voting for this and that, contests, bought her flowers every week sent to her work, paid for her tickets to visit me, I mean I really tried at that point. Sure, I'm omitting a lot of details here, so you don't know how things really went, but just know that I didn't do a complete 180 with my actions after that visit. I like to think that I was always caring and considerate of her feelings, but fights are fights, they are inevitable I feel like, maybe that was the problem. But I also like to think that people should be able to fix issues together after 7 years, listen to each other, understand, forgive small things, etc. Anyway. Those two months sucked. I didn't feel loved and she would just constantly make me feel insecure. In November I found she had slept with a guy while we were broken up and it messed me up bad. Really bad. I was heart broken. It felt wrong, but yet I somehow found it in me to forgive her for it and tried to continue. Some of you might say, there was nothing to forgive, she didn't do anything wrong. Perhaps. But what I felt was real, considering they slept perhaps just ten days after the break up. I flew out to see her for Thanksgiving which is when she cried and told me all these beautiful things of how much he was a mistake and doesn't matter. Things that I wanted to hear. My self esteem at that point was at a very dangerous level. It was way past low. I knew of the guy she had a fling with since summer time when we broke up, through facebook, but she told me they didn't do anything when I drove there, that he was just a "friend". After I returned from thanksgiving trip, she told me to give her space and said she isn't looking for a relationship and I became confused, sad, angry, betrayed again, confused, just what... Fast forward. All of that was apparently a lie. I've been lied to ever since I drove there and if it's otherwise, I just don't have the will to believe any of it anymore. I just took everything as a lie. Everything she said, everything I had done, didn't matter. She is in love with this guy and they are together after all that has been said and done. She went back to him.
At end of March, I called her and said you told me you didn't want a relationship, I guess that was a lie huh. she said I'm sorry, but we are through. I asked, do you love this guy and she said yes. she said they are compatible. That just killed me on the spot, but I tried to stay calm. During that time I was kind of starting to get back on my feet. That call was made after 6 weeks of no contact. Then a week went by and I thought I would be okay, I thought I got the most ultimate closure I could ever get but was instantly haunted again with the same past questions, of "why, how is this possible? did i mean that much to her? but i tried so hard?" etc. etc. to a point where i e-mailed her something similar and she responded back saying that I'm "unstable" and that she hates me for being so weak and that she never wants to speak with me. She said that I don't exist anymore and that she doesn't care about me. I've just become somewhat immune to her constant hurtful words and demeans, but of course they still hurt if I think about them. It's been a month since that phone call. I am here now. I'm trying to hang in there but it is tough. Been seeking therapy even before that phone call. 2 months now. It helped slightly. I guess people can just dispose of people when they realize they are fine on their own or how does this work? I made a mistake, but I tried to live up to it by showing her I was wrong and that I wouldn't commit anymore mistakes or hurt her anymore.
I've been staying away from her facebook (clearly we aren't friends), but last night logged on there to hurt myself like masochistic s.o.b. Saw she changed her profile picture to one with him and her in it. They looked very happy. Crushed me. This was last night. Barely slept. At work now typing this sh!t in a hurry to try and hopefully vent to someone. All of her friends that used to know me liked the pic and supported and said they looked great yada yada. Some of those people would even leave quotes or video clips on her wall with the aim of demeaning me. I don't know what she told them. But she apparently approves and has no problem of laughing at me with them for whatever reason. I am trying very hard to erase their smiles out of my head from that profile picture, but it's kind of tougher than I thought. No more facebook of hers, I'm done. I got burnt pretty bad and will stay away to avoid that kind of self-infliction. In the end, facebook is all but a temporary platform, while my mind is one I have to constantly battle 24/7 with in order to keep her out of there. It really becomes tiring and at times make me want to break down. I loved this girl beyond what I can ever describe in words. Any advice? What will happen? Anyone with a similar story that want to share? Thanks, guys.

[smackie9]

Just like anyone else you grieve the loss of your relationship, and then straighten yourself out and move on.