Boyfriend unemployed & withdrawn. How to move forward?

[Glamvineflower]

We met at work and it was an instant connection. Lots of fireworks and everything was going great. He was sweet, charming, attentive, tons of communication.

And then he quit the job and became unemployed, while I was still working hard and moving forward with my life. He declared us exclusive, but right after that, he became withdrawn and communicated less, as he also had a lot of family affairs going on. This of course, upset me, making me withdraw a bit too, which also in turn upset him. But even when I returned and started contacting him as usual, he would still not be communicating regularly, he had his highs and lows. When we meet in person, he is his usual loving self, but when we are apart, that's when the miscommunication begins.

Then there came a time when he canceled plans last minute and made me really upset. When I brought it up he led the conversation to even ending it between us. But after I clinged on a bit, he called the next day sweetly to keep our relationship.

After that, I decided to give Him space and withdrew contact completely and we have barely been talking for a week. At the same time, I was hoping he would try to contact me more as I'm also going thru a difficult time at the moment.

I know that guys always wanna be the man wear the pants and support the girl but I still like him regardless and want to help him move forward. I know he still likes me but he seems to have a lot of doubts because of his current state.

I didnt want to be too clingy and demanding of his attention so I had my withdrawn phases as well, in addition to speaking my mind about wanting him to communicate more. but maybe that's what made him more upset? But I had always been completely open and honest about my feelings for him.

Guys, what kind of balance is necessary between being supportive but not clingy? Was I being too misunderstanding of his circumstances? How should I move forward? Should I just wait for him to man up?

[pcmaster]

You are not being clingy. Life is a mean place and it is easier to go thru it together be together in happiness and sadness. Communicating makes life easier. Best you can do is stay positive and keep talking. Never shut up !

[michelle23]

Hes not making an effort and is shutting you out. Just dump him-he doesnt sound like hes into you. Plus its not your job to motivate him to move forward with his life. He should have that drive and ambition without any help from you and he doesnt. Hes a loser so stop wasting your time and go find a real man..

anyone who quits there job without having another one lined up in this climate is a freaking moron IMO

[ylafont]

Hes not making an effort and is shutting you out. Just dump him-he doesnt sound like hes into you. Plus its not your job to motivate him to move forward with his life. He should have that drive and ambition without any help from you and he doesnt. Hes a loser so stop wasting your time and go find a real man..

I think that is bit harsh.

It sound like the beginning phase of depression. Unless you have signs of infidelity and you see a future with this guy. you need to be supportive and keep on talking to him. Not push the issue but definitely make your needs known. Since he is unemployed, do things that really don't cause much to do. Everyone is different, hopefully if the lines of communications are open he will tell you what he is thinking.

[smackie9]

You shouldn't have to bend over backwards for this guy. He quit his job, acts distance, not putting any effort into your relationship or getting a job. If he has depression, or has taken up drugs, or whatever it is he is doing, his troubles ARE NOT your responsibility. Don't let this shlep drag you down, you have more worth than that. You are hard working and have your s hit together, don't get anymore involved with this loser. You need not waste your time, you can do better than this.

You should say "Sorry but I don't think this is working out. You have pulled away from me and you don't meet my relationship expectations, it would be best if we went our separate ways."

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Hes not making an effort and is shutting you out. Just dump him-he doesnt sound like hes into you. Plus its not your job to motivate him to move forward with his life. He should have that drive and ambition without any help from you and he doesnt. Hes a loser so stop wasting your time and go find a real man..

anyone who quits there job without having another one lined up in this climate is a freaking moron IMO

Harsh? hell no this is frickin reality.