Boyfriend Withdrawn... :(

[amyg091]

I am 20, my boyfriend is 21. WE've been together for 4 months. It's a serious relationship, regardless of length. We've said we love each other, we're monogamous, we've talked about living together in the future, and even talked about marriage sometime in the distant future. Things were going great, we had just taken a weekend away together, and it was just wonderful. A few days after we got back he told me that he felt like he was losing control, needed to get used to having to "check in" with someone. I told him I understood.
On top of that, he hasn't been working for a short while, he just had to put his dog of 14 years down, his best friends dad just found out he has lung cancer...it all comes at once! I understand that he is frustrated and feeling vulnerable. PLUS he was engaged once before, a few years ago, but his ex fiance cheated on him while he was away in the navy. So...some trust issues. I had the same. My first serious relationship ended the same way. Plus when we first started dating there were guys in my group that I'd had history with. We had our fight over that a while back and I don't see any of them anymore. I'm fine with that. I don't miss it. When I thought "would i be friends with them in 5 years? is it worth it to worry him by being around other guys?" No on both counts. I love him. This past weekend, I went out to see him and he had said he wanted to see me the next day. Then later that night he texted me saying he was worried I may be talking to other boys at school or something. I told him how much I loved him and he responded with "I don't know what to think sweetie." Then I didn't hear from him for a day and a half. And when he did text me it was just a "hey babe whatcha up to" text. Then nothing again for a day.
So...everyone I talk to says he needs some space to figure out his feelings, and time to miss me I suppose. So, Do I not text him? Is that giving him space or is that being uncaring? It's such a ifne line. I guess does anyone have experience with this? Any promising endings? I know he loves me. I want him to know that I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere. I know how loving and caring he is, and how he can take care of me. He's done this since the day I met him. It's just lately he's been in this funk. I guess I could use some general advice. Is not texting him the right response?

[vashti]

After four months, perhaps he is just beginning to realize how ill-equipped he is to "take care" of you, and really, he shouldn't have to. It is WAY too soon to be making any long-term plans - you two are still just getting to know each other and getting through the honeymoon stage. Besides, even under the BEST of circumstances, you are both too young to be talking about marriage. I think you are taking this whole thing way too seriously for such a short relationship.

Anyway, yes. Leave him alone for a while. He is already feeling smothered by you. If you can't give him space, he will bolt for sure.

[vampiress]

Well if he texts you first you should answer, and that's it. If he needs his space let him have it. Don't assume that he might think you're not caring, as long as you don't ignore his calls or texts you'll be fine.
Keep us posted and good luck.