How to forgive and forget?

[itsjustmeok]

Hello everyone!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and we are very happy together. Yet, this hasn't always been the case for me. During the first year and a half of our relationship, we have been fighting a thousand times about the same problem that finally got resolved a few moments ago. I don't think I need to tell you what the issue was, but one thing you need to know is that it broke me. We loved each other deeply and that's why we're still together to this day, but I still feel sad and depressed even though it's "over". It feels like I can't stand the fact that we've been through so much shit for such a long time. It seems like I forgot every good moment that we've had and replaced them with all those repetitive fights. I try to tell myself to stop focusing on the negative, but it doesn't work. It keeps haunting me, everyday. I don't know what to do. I feel like our relationship has been wasted. Even when we are spending a good time together, I'm not able to fully enjoy it. I hate having "that one subject" that always breaks my heart a little whenever I think about it or when someone else talks about something that reminds me of it. I don't want it to hurt me all my life. I want to learn how to see this as something that doesn't matter anymore, yet it feels like it can't get this out of my head or see this positively.

Do you guys have any advice for me?

[AverageDan]

Was it an affair or Pornography?

I found on my wife was having an affair and its tough, still trying to figure out if its worth fixing.

[ylafont]

You can always forgive, but you may never forget. I had gone through an experience like that. The not forgetting always got in the way of moving forward which got in the way of relationship. In the end and after 4 years i had to break things off, not because my partner had not fully committed, but because if could never let it go.

For you the situation may be different, you will need to find a way past this, if this still troubles you. If the trust and communication is till still there bring it up and discuss it with him. it sounds like you are holding it against him.

[michelle23]

Its not supposed to be this hard. Love should make you happy. A 2year relationship is still "new" IMO and certainly not worth all this heartache. Why didnt you walk away when he hurt you instead of carrying this hurt around with you? You could just let him go and you wont hurt anymore. Do you not feel your strong enough to do that? If not, maybe see a counsellor and work on your self esteem.

Staying in this relationship is destructive. Its not healthy for you emotionally or mentally and the stress is going to eat you alive. Set yourself free