I know I'm on the way to ruining this

[joshuaf]

My girlfriend and I have been together about 16 months, and we've had a wonderful time. Up until recently she's been calling out some of the things about me that she doesn't appreciate, which i understand. lately we've been having arguments (Mainly me starting them) about stupid things. I myself am a jealous, insecure person, and the kind of person I am i just always think i know whats best. i have also found myself to be controlling at times. i can recognize all of my faults as she'll tell me in an atgument, and i want to work on them because I know she's going to cut it off with me if i dont soon.

even as I'm doing these stupid things, i recognize what i'm doing and how i'm acting.. such as trying to tell her what to do, whats best for her, or getting jealous when she goes to the beach with her friends and some other guys (these guys are my friends too, and i do trust them i'm just always worried) while i'm stuck at work. I find myself being really childish and immature and sometimes I can't help myself but to comment on something she's doing. I don't know how to control these urges.

she does so much for me and sometimes i'm just so ungrateful and selfish. she really is great but i know if i don't smarten up i'm going to lose her and I KNOW THIS but i just don't know how.

sorry this is very poorly written.. i'm at work right now and fairly stressed.. anyway, back at the grind

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also I just want to add that I'm very paranoid. whenever she goes to hangout with friends, I'm always scared that she will talk about me and how I act sometimes. to me, i want to keep our relationship as much of a secret as possible and there have been times where she has gone to her friends for advice, so I'm just worried about her telling them how i act and then that changes what they think of me. I've confronted her about this before and she says she doesn gossip to her friends about me and i believe her but my brain still races whenever she's out and about

[lalalita]

Behavior like this is not going to go away over night, unfortunately. It was built up over time, for whatever reason, and it must be broken down over time. Therapy can be highly effective. I think if you show her you are taking serious steps to change your ways, she may reconsider just leaving.

[smackie9]

You need therapy if you are constantly having these negative/ paranoid thoughts and are having a hard time controlling your behavior.

[Ann32]

I agree with lalalita. This behavior will take a while to get over because something in your past made you like this but I think you're doing well by admitting that you doing something wrong. Has your gf given you any reason to not trust her? If she hasn't then you need to give her credit for that. If you keep acting like this she may get fed up with it and not even want to work through your issues any more.

As for the reason your may be paranoid about her talking to her friends is because you know you are being ridiculous. Most girls talk to there friends about their relationships, especially if they aren't going well. If it really bothers you try sitting her down and telling her how you are going to change and casually mention that you want this to be between you two. Show her that she doesn't need to talk to her friends to get solutions to her relationship problems but you need to SHOW her that and not just TELL her...